Is it always another woman?

[Suspicioussister]

DB and SIL splitting after 15 years together. Two young boys under 5. My SIL is distraught and my DB has simply said he’s instigated it because he’s not been happy for a long time and can’t continue any longer.

Feeling extremely cynical and suspect another woman is involved but I’ll probably never know the truth but I wouldn’t be surprised at all if a new girlfriend is shortly on the scene. Feeling very sad for my SIL who I adore and has been blindsided by this. My DB is refusing any suggestions of marriage counselling and wants to get divorced asap.

The rest of the family are not quite as cynical as me and are taking my DB’s version of events at face value (despite not understanding why). I just think DB’s life is going to be financially worse, he’s facing a whole lot of grief from all sides of the family plus the boys will be very upset, they may have to sell the family home etc.

Maybe I’m being to harsh towards my DB but I’m curious whether anyone actually knows any man that has ended a marriage with young kids and there is no other woman involved? I can’t think of a single one that I know personally.

I do know men who's marriages have ended because the wife is an alcoholic.....

Yes I agree, there's probably an OW ready to climb out of the woodwork very soon

I’ve NEVER known it not to be another woman

I think you're probably right OP, all too often that's the only reason a man will walk away from his wife and kids, unless of course he's gay.

Out of maybe 4 couples I personally know who've gone through this, only one was an actual affair and OW situation. The other 3 are still single way after the fact (some for a few years now!).

If the wife had an affair, he might leave too. Generally it is almost always ow if there is no obvious explanation.

Could be another man

Support your brother, at the end of the day he’s announced he hasn’t been happy for years and surely you want him to be happy. It’s not a decision one comes to lightly when there are children involved. Of course it’s possible there could be someone else on the scene but even if there was, it sounds like your brother has ended it and gone about the whole thing respectfully as far as everyone is aware … if he cannot rely on his sisters support right now, when does he deserve it? If you had spent years unhappy, wouldn’t you hope for the same support from your family?
Feel for your SIL by all means but don’t let it get in the way of loving and supporting your brother.

In my family/friends circle, all relationships that have ended have always been because of another person; either as in a full on affair and got caught, or the introduction of a 'new' friend weeks after a split 🙄

I've never known a relationship split resulting from a man instigating it because he 'wants to be alone' or 'needs space'

Yep - it will be another woman!

Give it time, she'll appear.

Does it matter, they r splitting up, not yr circus not yr monkeys.

I've never known that happen, either.

Support your SIL as much as you can. Too many in laws just keep away after a divorce so the woman ends up losing everything.

It might not be another woman right now but it might be the desire to have another woman in the future.

No one ever knows what goes on in a relationship except the couple themselves.

I think you have to give your DB the benefit of the doubt for now.
If he's unhappy and has been for years surely it's better to split rather than struggle on for more years?

A lot of marriages are well and truly dead in the water and completely over long long before it’s announced and one of them leaves

the catalyst for eventually calling it a day is the meeting someone else and it seems a way out this has not caused the breakdown

many a true word in you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors

I think it might be that it is OW but perhaps it depends how far things have gone? I think sometimes things get bad and merely talking to someone else who seems interested opens the door to ‘what my life could look like if I wasn’t with X’?

I know someone who dumped their wife twice (yes, she took him back after the first time and they remarried) and both times soon after the breakup he started hanging out with the same woman…

Now, might have been a coincidence and I don’t know either of them well enough but while the official story was ‘he wasn’t happy’, now that I think about it, it was just a bit too much of a coincidence… 🙄

I actually don’t think it’s always or even usually someone else, I think it’s the ‘is this all there is’ that women get too, but men follow through on it and decide to try and find themselves whereas women actually think of their kids and the splitting of the family

Nobody really knows except him. Maybe he had his head turned and it gave him the kick he needed to realise his marriage was over. Maybe he has had a full on affair. Maybe none of that. Nobody knows and to me it doesn't really matter. He's still the same person and the marriage is still over.

If it were my brother I'd just take it at face value and support him and the family as best as possible. He seems quite set on that course of action now so no point speculating, just support.

My bro split because of huge differences in resolving conflict.

He admitted later he had doubts before the wedding so silly of him

Was definitely single for a long time as lived with my
Parents and no women. Dates going out wtc.

Ime, 99% another woman.

Many of my peers have split and I can think of only one split where the husband wasn't shagging someone else.

I know a man who left because his wife was physically abusive and a compulsive spender so they were on the verge of losing their home. He did eventually meet someone else but it was years later.

And they rewrite history. Saying they've been unhappy for years 🙄 when the wife is oblivious or has recently enjoyed loving times.

Yeah

Something similar happened with my brother. No other woman (or man) involved but things in the marriage had changed and he wasn’t happy for a long time. You won’t ever really know what goes on in someone else’s marriage. Best not to judge, take what he tells you at face value, and support, the family.

One of my closest friends asked his wife for a divorce out of the blue on their family holiday (!) but no, no new relationship. He spent the next year playing video games in a rental that was furnished (outside the children’s bedrooms) only with a single armchair, tv and PlayStation. I knew when he bought furniture that he’d started OLD.