Is it always another woman?

[Suspicioussister]

DB and SIL splitting after 15 years together. Two young boys under 5. My SIL is distraught and my DB has simply said he’s instigated it because he’s not been happy for a long time and can’t continue any longer.

Feeling extremely cynical and suspect another woman is involved but I’ll probably never know the truth but I wouldn’t be surprised at all if a new girlfriend is shortly on the scene. Feeling very sad for my SIL who I adore and has been blindsided by this. My DB is refusing any suggestions of marriage counselling and wants to get divorced asap.

The rest of the family are not quite as cynical as me and are taking my DB’s version of events at face value (despite not understanding why). I just think DB’s life is going to be financially worse, he’s facing a whole lot of grief from all sides of the family plus the boys will be very upset, they may have to sell the family home etc.

Maybe I’m being to harsh towards my DB but I’m curious whether anyone actually knows any man that has ended a marriage with young kids and there is no other woman involved? I can’t think of a single one that I know personally.

Usually yes. When my exH left me with 2 young DC for OW and I was at my experienced GPs asking for pills for stress, my GP was quite confident that men can often do this (reassuring me it wasn't just me who was conned). Men usually wait for a soft landing (on new pillow) before leaving, while women are more upfront on wanting to resolve issues.

I’m curious whether anyone actually knows any man that has ended a marriage with young kids and there is no other woman involved? I can’t think of a single one that I know personally.

Yes, my brother ended his marriage over 20 years ago and there was no other woman involved and there hasn't been another woman since.

Turns out his wife did have another man.

Ending a marriage with no prior discussion as to the issues so that both might have a chance to consider things, look at changes etc is twatty. Up and going and leaving the other parent to cope with the everyday stuff of parenting while their life has come crashing down is twatty. Expecting that person to just shut up and accept it and not say anything that might make them feel bad is twatty. Blaming that person for their "unhappiness" and the drama is twatty. Being angry with that person because they won't just accept being the default parent 26/30 days with minimal financial support is twatty. Most of those things come alongside the "leaving because I've been unhappy for ages" shtick.

I agree anyone can leave a relationship at any time but actually, especially if you have children, I think it's massively twatty to do that to the other spouse and the children with no effort whatsoever to address the issues. ..unless of course the issue is OW/OM and they dont want that "solved".

My exhusband walked out and there wasn’t another woman. We’d gone through a lot of shit and coming out the other side he just said he didn’t want to do it anymore. Blindsided me.

i agree that the majority of time there is another woman. But sometimes there isn’t.

@ChocolateTea , I agree, but there usually is. Sorry about what happened to you.

@BibbleandSqwauk hear hear.

There are ways to end a relationship.

Just because you want out, for whatever reason, is fine but if you leave your spouse and dcs high and dry, in shock and distress because of your drama, then it's definitely twatty.

I have to say ppl, especially women say they're blindsided, but if the intimacy and affection is a distant memory and you're just plodding along, there was a problem.

My EX SIL tried to say she was blindsided. What really blindsided her, is that my DB said he reacted a divorce after many years of raising the issues with her.

She took the view that nobody in our family was divorced and whatever the problems, he wouldn't want a divorce. So when he said there was a problem, her response was let's get divorced then. That scared him, until it didn't.. the next time he mentioned an issue, she said let's get divorced if you're not happy he said okay, let's do that.

She never wanted to work on the issues and just expected him to put up and shut up.. she wanted to stay married.

She couldn't believe it when he said he wanted a divorce and she was the one dragging her feet and delaying in signing the papers.

Acting blindsided, when there were issues is sympathy seeking IMO.

I'm not saying some ppl are not genuinely blindsided. My friend was one of them.

They had sex the night before, then the following afternoon, he says he's not in love with her and is leaving. After 25 years of marriage, that's how he ended it.

Another woman emerged within a month. Of course this woman was always there, but my friend is in denial. I think she's knows he was cheating, but it's probably too painful to say.

Not been happy for years, did that happen to coincide with having children? Hope he's having 50/50 custody.

Happened to a friend of mine. Blindsided. He’d ’been unhappy for a while’. ‘New’ girlfriend appeared within weeks.

No