To implode about DH ruining my clothes every fucking week.

[Aplatterofpuss]

DH is an Oxbridge educated 50 year old man with a good job in computer programming.
We have been married for 10 years.
He gets the mental load stuff and does the lion’s share of the domestic stuff during the week as I’m a teacher and work longer hours.

I have taught him how to do the laundry 450 bazillion times. I have shown him. I have told him. We have hammered it out in couples therapy that it’s not an exclusively female skill-set to be able to simply wash plain whites, light colours, dark colours in batches, read the care labels on everything and basically treat all the clothes as if they’re his musical equipment.

After thrashing this out in therapy a few weeks ago and him apologising profusely and insisting he does care and is sorry, I came home last weekend to him having washed coloured items with whites rendering many of my things grey and ruined. I was angry. It was not nice.

We again, talked about it. He blamed me because he’s found some bits on the floor by the washing machine and ASSUMED that they were sorted by me so just bunged them all in together.

This Saturday, I woke up, separated ALL of the washing in to separate piles on the landing, put the dark wash on and went to leave the house. DH asked me if the laundry on the landing had been sorted by me and I said yes.

When I returned, I emptied the fucking washing machine to find lots of my white clothes ruined by the fact that he’d put blue tea towels, multicoloured teatowels and white and blue towels in with my pure white knickers and tops.

I told him I was annoyed and that he must be doing this because they’re not his belongings.
I said that he needed to pay me back for my damaged clothes and that if I decided to put his laptop in the dishwasher and insist I did care and I didn’t mean to damage it he would be furious. He said it was obviously not the same thing and was, again, very sorry.

I amso so so angry.

If you do end it, say
Go and never darken my knickers again!

I’m not even sure why you’ve posted here. You have been a sarcastic cow to everyone who has commented, even those who have sympathised.

I like this OP 😂

People can sympathise for her frustration over her DH's poor laundry skills and repeat offence. I don't think people disagree with that and true that can make a saint swear over the SITUATION. It doesn't give a licence to attack others. If she doesn't do it to people in real life, don't hide behind a keyboard and take it out on people online. It's appalling behaviour when one thinks it's ok to stand behind a username to not be accountable for what they say. We need to lift THAT standard for children. Don't post on AIBU if you are not ready to be open for differing opinions and discussion in a respectful manner.

What is your point then Italianita? Keep finger pointing and telling this DH how pathetic he is ignoring the fact that he otherwise takes care of the children which allows OP to work 14 hr days? You think it's a fair assessment to ignore his contributions? Gender equality works both ways. If I had a long day of work and looking after kids by myself and my partner comes home late and starts telling me I didn't cook something properly or did the laundry the way they like it I would be fuming! Rather than flaming the fire over 2 probably very tired parents, we are offering perspective to reflect. But if OP clarifies that DH doesn't pull his weight generally, then yes he either steps up or out.

And you still married him?
You obviously have a very low opinion of yourself

My DH does the bulk of washing as I work longer hours and he separates everything. I did the washing for years before this and mixed everything in. Not once did my clothes get ruined.

You can buy wash sheets which absorb excess colours and stop clothes running, they're quite cheap and at most supermarkets. If you buy them it's much cheaper than therapy you just pop them in the wash!

Already stated that the pratt would "forget" to use them.

We love a bit of victim blaming on a Saturday morning!

@ColinMyWifeBridgerton not victim blaming at all, just stating facts really.

No. An inference not a fact.

There really are so many bigger things to worry about OP… I get it’s annoying but please stay calm… just have a separate laundry basket with pure whites and you’re responsible for washing that one. It’s not the end of the world. We all have things we do that drives others nuts, I’m sure he has things on you as well. How lovely to be with someone who pulls his weight around the house and keeps trying despite not being great at something.

Jesus so much to read over washing. Look just put it in the machine first thing yourself. Is it really worth all this. Move on. Life's too short. Bung it in the machine as soon as you get up in the morning.

@WhatWouldJeevesDo but OP or anyone else that marries someone who can't do washing is not a victim. That in isolation does not make you a victim.

That's a massive disservice to victims.

OP certainly seems stronge enough to tell her DH what she wants, she's strong enough to sit behind a keyboard and tell everyone else they have "beige" marriages because they don't row about stupid things like washing.

She's working 14 hour days as a teacher, tea hers work hard I agree, but not 24 hour days.

So she needs to take her anger to her employer and DH, and deal with it.

Not sit behind a keyboard bemoaning the fact that her DH can't do the washing and bemoaning g the fact she doesn't have time.

She can't works 14 hour days apparently!

Not for 14 hours a day

That particular exchange wasn’t about the OP.

@WhatWouldJeevesDo the same rules apply the PP was bemoaning laundry skills....

Meanwhile victims in the real world...

That’s an inference (that the PP was bemoaning laundry skills) not a fact. My inference is different.

@WhatWouldJeevesDo are you playing that game where you have your use the word inference 20 times in a day?

You're going to win I reckon!

No but that would be better than overusing the word ‘fact’. That’s a real problem.

I think dye-catchers are like certain forms of contraception: 97 per cent effective with perfect use, but you don’t get perfect use.

For the sake of my daughters I would rather teach them to sometimes let things go and do things themselves. Wasting your life getting het up over such pointless things isn't setting a good example in my eyes.

But setting the example of having a DH who completely ignores you and seems to deliberately sabotage the laundry, is ok?

OP has kissed and made up now but she was very angry and upset.

And you're going to teach your daughters to let the man off and do it themselves instead?
See them on here when the time comes then........

@Italianita yeah really angry and upset and much like yourself started having a dig at anyone who had a different opinion. Like yourself indicating they shouldn't comment that she's making a great big fuss about nothing!

Upset she may have been fired a short while, but she can still be told she's unreasonable, because she is.

Why post in AIBU?