To implode about DH ruining my clothes every fucking week.

[Aplatterofpuss]

DH is an Oxbridge educated 50 year old man with a good job in computer programming.
We have been married for 10 years.
He gets the mental load stuff and does the lion’s share of the domestic stuff during the week as I’m a teacher and work longer hours.

I have taught him how to do the laundry 450 bazillion times. I have shown him. I have told him. We have hammered it out in couples therapy that it’s not an exclusively female skill-set to be able to simply wash plain whites, light colours, dark colours in batches, read the care labels on everything and basically treat all the clothes as if they’re his musical equipment.

After thrashing this out in therapy a few weeks ago and him apologising profusely and insisting he does care and is sorry, I came home last weekend to him having washed coloured items with whites rendering many of my things grey and ruined. I was angry. It was not nice.

We again, talked about it. He blamed me because he’s found some bits on the floor by the washing machine and ASSUMED that they were sorted by me so just bunged them all in together.

This Saturday, I woke up, separated ALL of the washing in to separate piles on the landing, put the dark wash on and went to leave the house. DH asked me if the laundry on the landing had been sorted by me and I said yes.

When I returned, I emptied the fucking washing machine to find lots of my white clothes ruined by the fact that he’d put blue tea towels, multicoloured teatowels and white and blue towels in with my pure white knickers and tops.

I told him I was annoyed and that he must be doing this because they’re not his belongings.
I said that he needed to pay me back for my damaged clothes and that if I decided to put his laptop in the dishwasher and insist I did care and I didn’t mean to damage it he would be furious. He said it was obviously not the same thing and was, again, very sorry.

I amso so so angry.

You okay hun?

You're so rude, OP.

Hardly surprising really, poke the bear enough times and it will bite!

But you carry on with your very shallow view of things. Just don’t expect any real emotional intimacy or rich experiences with others.

Continue to blandly beige your way through. Be my guest.*

Says the person having to be "taught" to communicate with er partner over trivial matters

Comes naturally to most of us.

FFS, you couldn't communicate please do the washing correctly and he couldn't comprehend it and you say others set their bar low ?

And it's still not worked and you are still
Imploding and ranting!

Hi OP.

It's really annoying. He's really annoying. I have a similar DH. My only suggestion is locking the washing machine when you are out (bike lock through the handle?). My DH will notice when I leave a big red post it note with instructions on whatever I am trying to preserve. It's very annoying and only you can decide if it's a deal breaker.

Enjoy your shopping!

This poster is right, you have come across pretty unpleasant on this thread. All of your replies to other posters are very defensive. You asked if you are being unreasonable to 'implode' over the situation. You've had replies from both sides, but in your original post and each response you come across quite aggressive.

I hope the therapy helps.

Comes naturally to most of us

why are you here then?

Your relationship is perfect.
You don't understand OP's dilemma, which most of us do.
You have no empathy or understanding.

Why bother?

@Italianita I'm here because it's a forum? I'm here to stand up for myself about the OP being disparaging of mine and others relationships, I'm here because OP asked AIBU, Im here because it's not the relationship board.

Why are you here, just to be able to say my relationship is this bad, but I'm not the only one and I'll get comfort from that?

My giveafuckometer is struggling to move I’m afraid.

I’ve not come on here to gain a collective Mumsnet stamp of approval, especially from those that would bow down to their man for simply putting a load of fucking washing on.

I’m so disappointed to read how little progress has been made with equality in the domestic sphere on here.

Try and challenge the stereotypes for the sake of your daughters.

So you've got new knickers, you've kissed and made up with your DH, AKA laundry destroyer, but yet you still seem very angry....

You are not seeking stamp of approval, yet you are not willing to accept differing opinions by lashing out with snark sarcastic replies, scattered with use of course language. Is this how you communicate with your partner, family, friends and work? If so, hopefully therapy can help to unpack why this isn't effective communication. If this attitude is reserved for online use because you are hiding behind the keyboard so you are comfortable to lash out on people, what a great example you are setting for your students to exemplify online bullying. This is a discussion forum and not for treating others as a venting punching bag.

You call out people who disagreed with you saying they should lift up the standards and set better examples for their daughters. Why did you marry a husband who can't do laundry? You married this person who you keep describing as so pathetic, what standard did you apply?

Is it because in reality if you are honest and paint the full picture accurately, he is not as incompetent as you make him out to be? You keep avoiding to give a full picture of all the housework he does. So that readers side with you, give you sympathy that he's hopeless. Is it in reality he cooks and cleans, doing his "lion's share" while you do your 14 hr work days? If he handles a fair share of housework, he isn't the "incompetent" male as you make him out to be and you are throwing him under the bus.

However, if you say actually he does nothing around the house and is just responsible for laundry that he messes up, that is on you marrying with such "low standards" as you say.

Spectacularly missing the point......

Have you got any closer to knowing why he does it @Aplatterofpuss?
My money is on efficiency - false economy though it has proved to be.

@Italianita I think @WhiteJasmin is spot on.

I know you're keen to make OP "right", but she's really not.

She's a very angry about the man she's chosen to marry.

Anyone who wouldn't feel angry about this DH'S specific "laundry behaviour" must be some type of uncaring, unfeeling robot of a wife.

I think your problem is giving too many fucks tbh.

I think my DH would bow to me if I did the laundry as he always does it. Just do what you’re good at and let him do the same. Honestly life isn’t as difficult as you are making it.

@Italianita

I wouldn't have married a man like that, perfect relationship me, as you've already identified.

No need to be robotic then.

Anyway, they've kissed and made up.

So all is good, he allowed to live another day and another wash load.

Another one missing the point.

But it's amazing how low some women go to get a husband.

The point of swearing at her DH and calling him a cunt over laundry 🤣 Okaaaaaay I’ll happily miss whatever point someone like that is trying to make

I was thinking this as we never separate anything 😁. But that's not the point, OP he is cleary a lazy bugger. Never do his washing again. Just your own. And before that begins, make sure he pays you for the cages he's created because you have to replace so much.

You obviously haven't grasped it if you don't understand why OP is swearing at her husband.
His apparently deliberate actions would make a saint swear.

Anyway as @Bluebirdover said, they've now kissed and made up.
Hopefully they've reached a truce.

OP
I understood your frustrations, hope all is well now.

But why do you think she had such a low bar to even put up with that once? She's very quick to say that about others?

Yes, they kissed and made up and the marriage counselling may have now kicked in about communication, but I find it hard to believe.

She's still soooooo angry! Especially like you if people dare to have another opinion! Like you, she thinks they mustn't contribute to her AIBU thread.

Quite odd.

I bet you understand........

Not surprising at all..,,,