To implode about DH ruining my clothes every fucking week.

[Aplatterofpuss]

DH is an Oxbridge educated 50 year old man with a good job in computer programming.
We have been married for 10 years.
He gets the mental load stuff and does the lion’s share of the domestic stuff during the week as I’m a teacher and work longer hours.

I have taught him how to do the laundry 450 bazillion times. I have shown him. I have told him. We have hammered it out in couples therapy that it’s not an exclusively female skill-set to be able to simply wash plain whites, light colours, dark colours in batches, read the care labels on everything and basically treat all the clothes as if they’re his musical equipment.

After thrashing this out in therapy a few weeks ago and him apologising profusely and insisting he does care and is sorry, I came home last weekend to him having washed coloured items with whites rendering many of my things grey and ruined. I was angry. It was not nice.

We again, talked about it. He blamed me because he’s found some bits on the floor by the washing machine and ASSUMED that they were sorted by me so just bunged them all in together.

This Saturday, I woke up, separated ALL of the washing in to separate piles on the landing, put the dark wash on and went to leave the house. DH asked me if the laundry on the landing had been sorted by me and I said yes.

When I returned, I emptied the fucking washing machine to find lots of my white clothes ruined by the fact that he’d put blue tea towels, multicoloured teatowels and white and blue towels in with my pure white knickers and tops.

I told him I was annoyed and that he must be doing this because they’re not his belongings.
I said that he needed to pay me back for my damaged clothes and that if I decided to put his laptop in the dishwasher and insist I did care and I didn’t mean to damage it he would be furious. He said it was obviously not the same thing and was, again, very sorry.

I amso so so angry.

If your partner was destroying your belongings week after week after week

I genuinely just don’t see how this is the case. A white t shirt and a black jumper okay maybe something will go wrong but is he really doing that over and over and over again?

Aren't you an utter joy!

Has he even explained why he can't do it? Did he articulate to the therapist why he wants to give you unnecessary problems?

He seems to be.

So you start work at say 6am and get home at 8pm and then do bath /bedtime? Surely children who are old enough for an 8pm bedtime can do most of it themselves? And presumably that means your husband does school runs and cooks their dinner?

It’s helped a lot believe it or not.

Do your own washing, it's not worth the fight

I never split my washing and don't have issues with grey knickers

Have you asked him if he is colour blind? 😅

If you're genuinely pulling 70 hour weeks, you are the problem in the marriage. And you're a woefully inefficient teacher. Exact same thing I'd say to a man.

But I suspect there's an element of exaggeration.

Yes, hence my rage!!!

Get a lock on your washing basket. Work on your marriage. Or don't.

You do realise white pants / underwear or any white clothing with even a small amount of nylon do go grey....even when washed on white wash on their own.
Buy a colour catcher for any other dye gone onto clothes.
Or wash whites with some white vinger in drum.
Then do your own washing.
I always did the washing when married.. husband did any ironing.

Well that was kind of the point of op’s post, that he keeps doing it.

So there has been progression. I wonder why this is such a sticking point for him. I'm baffled by it. It's such a straightforward task!

Cause you’re talking bullshit.

You mean you get up at 6am and get home in time to bath children - 6/8pm, hence the 14 hour day?

To most people a 14 hour day is the time you spend in the office/at your desk.

He’s a confident incompetent. The worst sort to deal with. Especially when they are intelligent in other ways.
I would hide all of my light coloured laundry if he was my dh.
You shouldn’t have to though.

I think most teachers come home and are still working arent they?

Yes I hope you dont have too dreadfully long a commute on top of that 14 hour day op

Also, I think it might be worth a course on effective time management as half my friends are teachers and I don't know any who regularly do 14 hour days, they all have time for social lives and hobbies ( I know because we meet up at least once a week on a weekday evening)

Yes. Even compared with 12 hour NHS shifts. By the time you've done prep, marked, bought whatever you need for lesson resources because school have no money, gone to meetings etc etc etc 14 hours is easily reached. Most teachers with wee ones are doing several of those hours late in the evening once they've finished family things.

We have 4 laundry baskets.
Darks
Whites & lights
Reds/purples/oranges/pinks

Then finally
Do not fucking touch. Which mainly consists of my clothes.

Actually you raised a point. I have male friends who can't distinguish colours like blue and purple especially if they are very light or dark

I thought they were joking but then spoke to a friend's husband who is colour blind and has issues with the colour blue. (He did his own washing at that time as my friend was higher flying.)

Does he do DC’s laundry too?

Can he put those colour catcher things in the wash?

Oh gosh OP your attitude on here is terrible with some of the replies.

You have a right to be annoyed I think if he keeps ruining them but seems like this is something waaay more than washing and probably a good thing you are in couples therapy. From the few replies given it gives off a feeling you think you are better than your DH

My best friend's husband was a professor at Oxford and they had 5 children, all boys....she asked him to buy their school shirts once, wrote it all down and directed him to British Home Stores. He came home with the right number in the right sizes but all girls' blouses. She never asked him again - perhaps it was all a cunning plan?