To implode about DH ruining my clothes every fucking week.

[Aplatterofpuss]

DH is an Oxbridge educated 50 year old man with a good job in computer programming.
We have been married for 10 years.
He gets the mental load stuff and does the lion’s share of the domestic stuff during the week as I’m a teacher and work longer hours.

I have taught him how to do the laundry 450 bazillion times. I have shown him. I have told him. We have hammered it out in couples therapy that it’s not an exclusively female skill-set to be able to simply wash plain whites, light colours, dark colours in batches, read the care labels on everything and basically treat all the clothes as if they’re his musical equipment.

After thrashing this out in therapy a few weeks ago and him apologising profusely and insisting he does care and is sorry, I came home last weekend to him having washed coloured items with whites rendering many of my things grey and ruined. I was angry. It was not nice.

We again, talked about it. He blamed me because he’s found some bits on the floor by the washing machine and ASSUMED that they were sorted by me so just bunged them all in together.

This Saturday, I woke up, separated ALL of the washing in to separate piles on the landing, put the dark wash on and went to leave the house. DH asked me if the laundry on the landing had been sorted by me and I said yes.

When I returned, I emptied the fucking washing machine to find lots of my white clothes ruined by the fact that he’d put blue tea towels, multicoloured teatowels and white and blue towels in with my pure white knickers and tops.

I told him I was annoyed and that he must be doing this because they’re not his belongings.
I said that he needed to pay me back for my damaged clothes and that if I decided to put his laptop in the dishwasher and insist I did care and I didn’t mean to damage it he would be furious. He said it was obviously not the same thing and was, again, very sorry.

I amso so so angry.

Wash your own clothes separately.

He washes his clothes separately.

I never separate my washing. Are your items really ruined after one mixed wash?

You’re not being unreasonable, of course you’re not, but I’m curious as to just how many non-colour fast colours you seem to have!

Tea towels and towels ruin your white knickers grey? What the hell kind of towels are they?!

Have you tired having a couple of wash baskets. One for whites. It really made the job easier

Why would he add tea towels to already sorted pile? There's really no valid reason or excuse I can think of other than chronic not giving a shit or the old strategic incompetence but if he can be asked to go to therapy about it you'd think he'd sort it.

Never separate. Give white school shirts a high temperature boil with some towels a few times a year.

My husband is like this too. It drives me crazy. Every so often he says he’ll only wash his own things but it doesn’t last.

I get your frustration. But I’d do my own whites wash and leave him to was the coloureds that he can’t fuck up.

If you’re in couples therapy there’s more going on than washing. Whites don’t go grey after one or two mixed loads. He’s employing weaponised incompetence, but equally you are overreacting to it.

Do your own laundry while you work on the bigger issues.

Do his own clothes end up ruined as well OP? I’d just do my own washing and let him crack on with ruining his own.

1. do your own laundry and only your laundry

2. get some colour run remover sheets and rewash the grey items.

Wssh your own clothes. Sorted.

I put on mixed loads all the time and the colours don't run into my whites - is your h washing things at 90 degrees?!

I'd probably just take over doing my own washing and get him to do another household job instead. Would be cheaper.

You might want to accept that doing the laundry “correctly” is not his thing and take the responsibility for this particular household task?

Just wash your own clothes and let him wash his own clothes

I haven't had any clothes that have colour ran in about 20 years and i buy a lot of new clothes….

If you're at the stage of couples counselling for him not doing the washing correctly, you're both completely projecting the real relationship issues on to this and your relationship is fucked. Sorry.

He's definitely being a dick but I do mixed loads all the time at 30 degrees (with a colour catcher) and everything is fine. Only exception is school uniform stuff (we have blues here) need a couple of washes on their own.

But the lack of care and almost sabotage would be infuriating.

Just do your own washing. If it's got to the stage of counselling over washing it might be worth considering whether you want to stay married.

I do my own laundry ... my DH does his .... married over 35 years.

This. I do all the laundry and have his and mine loads. Let him do the bulk of the laundry and do yours yourself.

His and hers laundry baskets. Do your own washing and never concern yourself with him having clean socks again.

I understand it's infuriating but I don't think he's going to change.

You each wash your own clothes. If he forgets tough he goes to work in smelly shit stained clothing.

I think I’d just wash my own stuff now if I was you.

I have had this issue with staying with my mother and my mother in law (who has a cleaner who does the laundry) and everyone else ruins my clothes so I’m quite controlling and keep my washing to take home.

It is annoying that he is being so impractical about it but your own laundry isn’t the hugest chore to combine with teaching (i do say that as a teacher myself.)

Agreed. You should both just wash your own clothes.

I wash whites together and then all the rest together, never had any issues.

Pre-soak your whites for a few hours with some Vanish cleaner and re-wash to rescue them. In your scenario, put on the white wash first? Agree separate baskets seems like a good idea.