To have felt completely out of my depth?

[Cheeseburger99]

I attended a film/TV club today. Admittedly I'd only seen the first episode of the show being discussed but the group info said that everyone was welcome whether they'd seen it or not, and didn't mind spoilers.
There were about 7 others there, this was my first time attending as I'm relatively new in the city and looking to make new friends.
I felt completely out of my depth. I can discuss general themes but the discussion they had became very philosophical/metaphysical and ime went way beyond the series itself.
It was a very structured event, the host went around the group asking everyone the same question, I honestly didn't know what to say when it came to my turn and asked to skip/have more time to think about it.
I was more than happy to listen to others but I think they had expected everyone to partake in discussion, which is fair enough.
I ended up going early and I'm sure I heard them laughing as I left, even though they'd been polite whilst I was there.
I'm glad I made the effort to go in the first place but I felt quite thick leaving.
I'm educated, have a Master's, can speak other languages and I do enjoy travelling and so on.
I like watching a range of films and series but I just felt completely dense listening to the highbrow discussion. Even if I'd seen the whole series, I didn't feel I'd have been able to relate.
I'm worried this is how people see me, a previous ex implied something like this about me and it made me feel inferior.
I do read, I'm reading a book ATM but I'm a slow reader. I can't say I've read every single classic and I follow current affairs, politics etc. But sometimes I just don't feel smart enough.
Not sure if I'm overthinking it?

Whenever I read reviews from a film buff I haven't got a clue what they're going on about. I can't bear the floral, pompous, faux-intellectual language. YANBU.

I think this just isn't your group. They sound a bit up themselves, for a start, rude, and not particularly inclusive. Some people (e.g. many introverts) need time to formulate an opinion but, once they've had that time, they tend to come up with well reasoned answers that are more clearly thought out than others' quickfire responses.
Try another group - the next one may be more suited to you.

Not necessarily. OP sounded unprepared by only watching part of what was being discussed I think go for sobething more informal next time, don't let one bad experience put you off OP.

Sorry OP, what did your ex imply?
We can't all be "clever" in the same way, we all have different skills and perspectives, and that's what makes the world go round.
Maybe this class wasn't for you, or maybe you felt a bit nervous/overwhelmed so you couldn't think straight. Either way, maybe give it another crack but if the same happens just try something different. You're clearly very bright but high brow stuff can be a bit dull and maybe that's not your bag. And maybe your ex wasn't your person.
I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you, I hope it hasn't knocked your confidence too much and you find a class that does fit you (and not the other way round).

Did you say you'd only seen one? What reason did you give for clearing off early?

You sound lovely and cultured and intelligent OP hopefully this experience hasn't put you off doing what you want to do

Your experience was due to three factors:

• you had only watched 1 episode
• the group is very formal
• the other participants were neither welcoming nor inclusive.

Keep trying - I'm sure you'll find your tribe eventually. IME groups held at libraries are very informal.

@Cheeseburger99 - In your situation I would have said - My first time - only seen first episode but here is what I think. It adds to the discussion.

If it gets very deep or highbrow in way you can't understand given you certainly don't sound like you would not be able to follow a discussion in the back of your brain this - I went and this over 30 years ago to a seminar where I thought I was out of my depth. I didn't understand what this chap is saying , until the lecturer just said to him , if you back is up against the wall , answer the question. Not saying anything about your group , but some people just like to sound clever.

I feel like this often, I have adhd and autism and social anxiety and I cannot formulate an intelligent thought well enough to articulate it when put on the spot! Given time maybe I could but definitely not in the moment and definitely not if I hadn’t been expecting to have to share in that way.

That said, it sounds like you are possibly reading too much into this and jumping to the conclusion you’re stupid/ inadequate. The reality is you had only seen 1 episode which immediately put you on the back foot. It was also your first time at the group, you didn’t know what format it what going to take and you’re not used to discussing films/ TV in that way. The others will have been before and I bet they had thought about some of the themes they would discuss beforehand, and like anything the more you do it the better you become at it. I bet if you attended the group every week you would soon find they’re just rehashing the same ideas in different ways and they’re not actually that clever or viewing things in a particular unique way!

Anyway it’s okay to just want to discuss things on a surface level and not to want to discuss TV shows in this way, it doesn’t make you inferior it just means you want to relate to things in a different way. It sounds like this group wasn’t for you but that doesn’t mean you’re dumb!

It was a very structured event, the host went around the group asking everyone the same question, I honestly didn't know what to say when it came to my turn and asked to skip/have more time to think about it.

This sounds pretty dull to be honest. Surely a discussion format works better, unless they've had one or two people dominating.

I joined a U3A book group. I enjoy reading but I realised that I actually don't enjoy dissecting what I've read in infinite and extreme detail. I just want to enjoy something for what it is and move on. I wanted to socialise so I joined a different book group where we discuss the book for 10 minutes then move on. I also joined a walking group . Lost weight, get to chat about anything and everything. Much more me.

Admittedly I'd only seen the first episode of the show

That's your problem

That does not sound enjoyable at all. They had said everyone was welcome and that clearly wasn’t the case. I’m also interested in what tv series lends itself to this much highbrow philosophising 🧐

YANBU to have felt out of your depth. I think the combination of you only having seen one episode and the unexpected formality of the group threw you off. I bet if it had been more easy going & discussion based you would have felt more confident to jump in and share a thought!

Good grief, that sounds as dull as dishwater OP and they sound like pretentious wankers. Don't go back.

Don't want to say which show it is in case it's outing, however it wasn't even discussing what happened in future episodes, it was just using the show as a basis for a wider philosophical/metaphysical debate.
Some of them were getting quite heated, it was very much a debate.
I should've watched more but I guess I didn't know what to expect before I went, it was very formal and I didn't expect to be put on the spot, hopefully I'll find another group.

Find another less formal group. Don't let this put you off, it just wasn't for you. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. If ever I find myself in a similar situation (and I do seem to get myself into "situations") I usually manage to bluff my way through. I pretend I'm someone else, like an actress taking on a role. I listen to what others are saying, their general tone etc, and then spout informed sounding rubbish with confidence. It works a treat.

I used to feel like this so much in work discussions and completely out of my depth. But the more experienced I've got I realise that some people like to talk a lot of crap and because they are good at it give the impression of being very smart/clever. You are probably someone that likes to fully understand what you are talking about before opening your mouth. You could call it lack of confidence I guess but it probably also makes you a nicer person. I think I'm trying to say that you are giving their views a lot of credibility when it's more than likely a total load of crap.

It was Love Island wasn't it?