To have felt completely out of my depth?

[Cheeseburger99]

I attended a film/TV club today. Admittedly I'd only seen the first episode of the show being discussed but the group info said that everyone was welcome whether they'd seen it or not, and didn't mind spoilers.
There were about 7 others there, this was my first time attending as I'm relatively new in the city and looking to make new friends.
I felt completely out of my depth. I can discuss general themes but the discussion they had became very philosophical/metaphysical and ime went way beyond the series itself.
It was a very structured event, the host went around the group asking everyone the same question, I honestly didn't know what to say when it came to my turn and asked to skip/have more time to think about it.
I was more than happy to listen to others but I think they had expected everyone to partake in discussion, which is fair enough.
I ended up going early and I'm sure I heard them laughing as I left, even though they'd been polite whilst I was there.
I'm glad I made the effort to go in the first place but I felt quite thick leaving.
I'm educated, have a Master's, can speak other languages and I do enjoy travelling and so on.
I like watching a range of films and series but I just felt completely dense listening to the highbrow discussion. Even if I'd seen the whole series, I didn't feel I'd have been able to relate.
I'm worried this is how people see me, a previous ex implied something like this about me and it made me feel inferior.
I do read, I'm reading a book ATM but I'm a slow reader. I can't say I've read every single classic and I follow current affairs, politics etc. But sometimes I just don't feel smart enough.
Not sure if I'm overthinking it?

🤣

Slightly tangently, @Cheeseburger99 , if you feel you are a slow reader, why not try audiobooks? You can vary the speaking speed to suit. Easier to carry too!!
I was converted after br cancer op as couldn't hold book while in bed.
Good on you for getting out there!

The only part I find odd is that you've felt like this before but still didn't prepare at all. If I was worried about keeping up, I'd do at least the bare minimum - it sounds the opposite of insecure to think you can hold your own doing only 1/7 of what everyone else had done.

You are probably just as smart and capable but you'll find out for sure by making better decisions rather than by getting empty compliments online from people that don't know you. So don't go to a book group without reading the book, don't join a walking group the week you twist your ankle etc. Instead join groups you are genuinely interested in and put a bit more effort in.

Oh lord it sounds like when people went doolally for The Matrix

Is there really that much to say about Emmerdale?

Fear comes from unfamiliarity, keep going until it’s familiar. Comfort will eventually follow.

What a great quote and very true.

It sounds like they aren’t the group for you. If they were laughing about you as you left, they’re dicks and it’s their loss - though I think it’s more likely they weren’t laughing at you and it was just an unfortunate coincidence.

I’m all for a bit of over-analysis and intellectual pomposity when it comes to discussing books and tv, but it’s quite an ask to come into an established group for the first time and start contributing to that sort of discussion. Well done for trying - it does take courage to try new things - but don’t dwell on it, it’s just not what you’re looking for.

Yes, you’re overthinking. They’ve been an established group for a while and have probably all learned and developed ideas together.

Learning new stuff is hard. You’re there to learn new stuff. You won’t know it all already. Just hang in there!

I don't think it's fair to slate the group - book and film analysis is a thing and there are terms used that some people will be familiar with and comfortable using in discussion. It just sounds like not a good fit and out of your knowledge zone.

It wasn't the three body problem was it?!

I had a similar experience at a taster writing group, everyone welcome. Turned out it was poetry, quite tricky to write on the spot with only a few mins allowed.
Everyone had to share and people seemed quite vocal and supportive of each other.. till my turn came. Now I may not have done a great piece, but it was like no one could think of a single positive to say. Just silence, then only one member said some nice/encouraging things, which I was so grateful he did.
It was really hard to even read it out loud in the first place, I'd never done it before. So I never returned.

Sounds like my idea of hell. If I watch a film.or a TV show I want to be entertained, not dissecting and analysing it frame by frame with a bunch of pompous nit wits 😅😇

She said they were perfectly polite while she was present, and that the leader asked everyone, including her, the same question — that’s pretty much the definition of ‘inclusive’. She was included on the same terms as anyone else. It’s not their fault she had only watched a single episode and felt out of her depth.

OP, don’t give up on this group. Watch more of the series before you return, and now that you have an idea of the kind of discussion that happens, you’ll feel more in your depth. I mean, good to be stimulated out of your comfort zone?

The extent of British anti-intellectualism never fails to astonish me.

I always think of people who have to over intellectualize (my word) everything as people who love to verbally masturbate. Someone used that term and I thought it perfectly describes it!

A truly welcoming and inclusive group would not have put her on the spot in the way they did. They would have reacted to her discomfort with grace, made a light hearted remark and moved on to the next person.

But they weren’t ’putting her on the spot’, they were including her on the same terms they were, and passed on when she said she wanted to be skipped. These people weren’t to know she had expected something less structured, and had felt under-educated. She’ll know what to expect next time, if she decides to return.

I think you either click with a group or you don’t, I once went to German classes, touted as beginners and everyone there not only had previously done some form of German, they’d all visited/ lived there too! I stuck out the 8 classes because I’d paid, but it was a lonnngggg 8 weeks!! (Don’t go back!)

It sounds awful to be honest. I'm a voracious reader but I've never joined a book group because I've always secretly suspected that it's just a bunch of people who like the sound of their own voice and spouting opinions, not necessarily interested in hearing others point of view! It's good that you're getting out and looking to make new friends but maybe this group isn't for you. You sound like an intelligent and interesting person so don't let this experience feed any insecurity - you have a lot to offer in the right setting!

Perfect description 🤣

It’s not anti-intellectualism to recognise pompous word salad.

That doesn't sound like a great group.

I watch tons of tv shows. I have a great memory for what happened. I read and post on forums after.

There is never any discussion of the sort of philosophical issues you mention. I would be rubbish at that. It's more what I'd expect doing a film studies degree.

Same as I want a book group to discuss that books plot -whether we've enjoyed it and similar books. Not actually the role of women in 1900 literature as shown in book z like I am doing a feminist studies in literature degree.

Indeed.

You know, sometimes, complex ideas which are nuanced and draw on a wide range of reading and a lot of thinking, need to be expressed in complicated ways.

Thinking is good for you. It keeps your brain growing.

I agree and I sometimes find this with art and literature. Can't we just enjoy it for what it is?