To have felt completely out of my depth?

[Cheeseburger99]

I attended a film/TV club today. Admittedly I'd only seen the first episode of the show being discussed but the group info said that everyone was welcome whether they'd seen it or not, and didn't mind spoilers.
There were about 7 others there, this was my first time attending as I'm relatively new in the city and looking to make new friends.
I felt completely out of my depth. I can discuss general themes but the discussion they had became very philosophical/metaphysical and ime went way beyond the series itself.
It was a very structured event, the host went around the group asking everyone the same question, I honestly didn't know what to say when it came to my turn and asked to skip/have more time to think about it.
I was more than happy to listen to others but I think they had expected everyone to partake in discussion, which is fair enough.
I ended up going early and I'm sure I heard them laughing as I left, even though they'd been polite whilst I was there.
I'm glad I made the effort to go in the first place but I felt quite thick leaving.
I'm educated, have a Master's, can speak other languages and I do enjoy travelling and so on.
I like watching a range of films and series but I just felt completely dense listening to the highbrow discussion. Even if I'd seen the whole series, I didn't feel I'd have been able to relate.
I'm worried this is how people see me, a previous ex implied something like this about me and it made me feel inferior.
I do read, I'm reading a book ATM but I'm a slow reader. I can't say I've read every single classic and I follow current affairs, politics etc. But sometimes I just don't feel smart enough.
Not sure if I'm overthinking it?

Really? I'm surprised you've got space for intellectualism, with all that astonishment filling your brain 🤷

It was a very structured event, the host went around the group asking everyone the same question, I honestly didn't know what to say when it came to my turn and asked to skip/have more time to think about it.

That sounds like a class I had at university, that was deliberately done that way so we’d get used to being challenged and having to think on our feet. Everyone used to sit there hoping to be called first, because the longer it went on the harder it got to think of something new to say. I wouldn’t choose to spend my free time like that!

Fundamentally unenjoyable is entirely personal though. Some people enjoy philosophy and subtext, others want to discuss how it made them feel, others don’t want to discuss it at all.

Nobody is wrong - people are allowed to enjoy different things.

Sometimes things just don't click.

Years ago, I went along to a camera club as a newbie, hoping to find some like-minded people to talk about photography with. Turned out they were all a bunch of unwelcoming wankers, so I didn't go back.

But for some of us, the enjoyment is in digging in.

And how do you define "what it is" anyway? Art is multi-layered, and our interpretation of it can be also be layered and complex.

It was a very structured event, the host went around the group asking everyone the same question, I honestly didn't know what to say when it came to my turn and asked to skip/have more time to think about it.

This sounds as though it was a way of ensuring everyone had a chance to speak if they wanted to. Otherwise, it could be that one or two people might dominate. It's quite a democratic way of doing it.

I use similar techniques in my undergrad seminar teaching, to ensure everyone says at least one thing in a seminar!

I think it’s just not the right group.

I run a book club. Sort of. A spin off from covid resilience group. We meet once a week at 2pm for an hour. Chat about the book. Any books we have enjoyed then sort whatever needs sorting. Prescriptions and lifts to medical appointments. Stuff like that.

a new lady turned up and she had read the book. She had made extensive notes and was ready to do a presentation. Which she did. But it was totally out of place. And much more suited to a different group which runs. She and I became great friends and she now goes to both groups. But it wasn’t what she was expecting and we all felt a bit like we shouldn’t be calling it book club as we just say yeah it was ok. Didn’t like x.

No-one is in the wrong here. They are reasonable to structure their group in the way most members seem to like, and you are reasonable not to enjoy it.

It doesn’t make them pretentious. It doesn’t make you stupid.

And I bet they weren’t laughing at you!

It doesn’t make them pretentious. It doesn’t make you stupid.
And I bet they weren’t laughing at you!

Probably true, but it doesn't excuse the fact that they were not welcoming.

If I had been there I'd have gone out of my way to make her feel more comfortable. The fact that they didn't suggests that they are rather up themselves.

But what is ‘it’, then? What is ‘enjoying it for what it is’?

wrong thread

i very much disagree

“familiarity” absolutely does not necessarily lead to comfort

or said hello to the new member, invited her thoughts on the tv series up for discussion and then when clear she’d made no effort to watch it whatsoever, continued with their discussion

Yes, exactly. This is another version of the ‘hostile school mum cliques are excluding me’ fallacy,

Yes! exactly!

That's your opinion to disagree.

My opinion is to agree.

We're all entitled to our opinions.

A beautiful picture, an enjoyable read. That's enough for me I don't need to dissect it, ask what the artist/writer was trying to portray

so if you get “familiar” with being bullied… you ended up getting comfort from it?

if you get familiar with diabolical traffic on your commute to work, you get “comfort” from it?

if you get “familiar” with not being able to get a GP app, you get “comfort” from it?

i could go on

“that’s enough for me”

I thought familiarity led to contempt

good call!!!