Heartbroken about DS's teacher

[Bluetie]

DS is a great kid. He's smart, funny, musical and sporty. He is also incredibly polite and has a caring nature. He is always winning awards at school, and is liked by all. DS attends a lovely small school with only 2 year-groups.

His previous teachers were OK but in year 3, he's had the most wonderful teacher, Mr T. Mr T is DS's first male teacher and they also share a hobby. Mr T has really helped DS develop his confidence, pushing him more in academics. DS has had a great year.

DS is now moving to year 4. Mr T is also moving to year 4. But they won't be together. All the classes have been mixed to mix abilities, sexes and SEN.

One morning this week, I went to ask Mr T if this class allocation was final. The head came to join our conversation, and he said he will only move DS for an exceptional reason. The head added that the new teacher has made the best progress in her year group across the whole school. I really want DS to stay with Mr T.

Can anyone think of something?

You know that’s ridiculous. He isn’t being ‘punished’. He’s been allocated to a class which doesn’t have that teacher. How will you cope in secondary when there are up to 10 teachers in any one department?

In no way is your son being punished, that’s a ridiculous notion. Your son has been lucky to have this amazing teacher for a year. You don’t get to decide as a parent, which teacher your child gets in September, that’s absurd. Imagine if all the parents did this, all wanting Mr T. I’m sure the new teacher will be great in another way. Please be positive about her in front of your DS or he will pick up on your negativity

There must be a child who is doing as well as DS in his class who will also have Mr T in year 4. They won't have to go through an adjustment period with a new teacher. This must be putting DS at a disadvantage.

I read posts on here sometimes and wonder what planet people live on. Some peoples lives must be so easy to be heartbroken over their child not getting the same teacher. Try teach your son resilience and to be adaptable to change, which you are clearly lacking in.

You are being ridiculous. He is not the only child who is moving on from Mr T. You need to get a grip preferably before secondary where you will struggle even if your ds does not.

Absolutely this.

Presumably half the year group had a year 1 teacher who could not spell.

If Mr T wasn’t moving to Y4 how would you be feeling @Bluetie

Are you joking now? Because you don't sound well.... It happens to every child, every year, worldwide

This

You would be disadvantaging your son if you tech him to be afraid of change. Much better to embrace the change and look for what else there is to learn.

You are making this into a much bigger issue than it needs to be.

changing teachers is a common occurrence. children need to learn that and adapt.

At the end of the day Mr T could hand in his notice tomorrow and then what would you do? Move your child to the same school?

You need get a grip Op...

WOOOOOOOOOAH there!

Are you actually saying "those lucky children with SEN, behavioural issues or other obstacles to learning get to ask for Mr T and my poor healthy, happy son doesn't?"

This is a phrase I generally loathe, but in this case it is so very needed -

CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE. Just be glad none of those things apply to your son and have some empathy for others.

What the school really meant by "will only move of exceptional reasons" is "no, interferring parent, class allocation is not up for discussion so please stop."

This whole situation would have been more palatable if Mr T was not moving. Half of DS's current class will benefit from the continuity with Mr T.

My DC's primary school had a policy of changing the class teacher every year and no class getting the same teacher twice. DC had teachers they liked, teachers they loved, teachers they tolerated. Same from the teachers' perspective, I imagine.

They learn different things from different personalities and teaching styles.

In secondary school, it's the same. Some teachers they like, some they don't. But you can't go through 14 years of school with the same teacher or only the one(s) you like.

I like some of my colleagues more than others, have had some managers better than others. Part of life is learning to get along with different people.

Imagine if every child in your son's school asked to be in a class with their favourite teacher - how would that work?

It can feel like a big deal when you leave a favourite teacher behind. But it's completely normal and the next teacher may be just as great, in a different way.

In what world? It's a school. Teachers go where they're placed. It's not healthy, in my opinion, to get too attached to teachers. I still remember great students, but they need to move on to develop further. As do teachers.

@Bluetie maybe see it is an advantage he is getting used to a new teacher, so building resilience for Secondary. If new teacher is amazing with getting results that might also be good for DS as building up challenging work.

Heartbroken? I thought you were going to say your son’s teacher was terminally ill.

I thought you were going to say he'd died! No, don't do anything. Maybe your son will really like his new teacher. In any case, he has to be used to moving on. I'm sure he will remember Year 3 with fond memories but all children have favourite teachers they do better with.

Ah, it is lovely when a teacher and child make a connection. My DS Y6 teacher was brilliant and now DS is in Y12 they keep in touch occasionally and the teacher has been a great help with personal statements / guidance on uni courses.

You know in your heart of hearts that DS has to move on to other teachers and it's sad when they leave one they flourish with. Maybe the confidence that teacher has given your DS will help him get along with his new teacher?

I understand. A good teacher that brings your child on can be rare and teachers connect easier with certain children. I had a good teachers at different stages in my own education and they do shape your progress.

Unfortunately, all you can do is ask and express a preference. Groups are put together for all kinds of reasons and there may not be wriggle room to move one child.

I hope he has a good year next year too.

@Bluetie - you need to look at this very differently. Firstly your son is NOT being punished for being good - having a different teacher in the new school year is a perfectly normal part of primary school life. You need to lose this feeling of victimhood for your son because it will not help him settle with the new teacher.

Secondly, it is perfectly possible that the new teacher may be just as brilliant as Mr T, but in different ways that will also benefit your son and help him grow. As previous posters have said, at a bare minimum, he will learn resilience and adaptability. Don’t forget that, in senior school he will have a different teacher for EVERY subject, and will need to be able to cope with this - isn’t it better that he learns this skill now rather than having it as a shock to the system when he goes to senior school?

Thirdly, if Mr T has done such an amazing job with your son, he will be much better able to cope with the transition to the new teacher. Have faith in your son, and in the work that Mr T has done with him.

You seem to be assuming that Mr T is the only good teacher in the school, the only one who will be able to connect with your son and help him thrive - and that every other teacher in his school will be inadequate and just ‘phoning it in’ - which is just daft.

You need to model positivity to your son, and tell him that the new teacher is an opportunity not a punishment.

What a ridiculous attitude. Your child is not being punished for being a healthy, NT, well adjusted student.

Your attitude is very worrying and sure to impact your child. Worry about resolving that instead.