Another mum screaming at my child?

[JC94]

Oh I desperately need an outsiders opinion please!

Daughter is 10 and in year 6. The environment between her and her friends at school has become pretty toxic in the last few months and I’ve tried so hard to advise on my side and keep the school informed - school have been great so far!

I get a call today to say my daughter, who usually doesn’t say boo to a ghost, got into a fight with another girl. This other girl has previously stolen from my daughter and slapped her a couple of months ago (toxic environment example!). I’ve only ever told my kids that physical force is only acceptable if you’re in danger and it is your only means of safety and I know my daughter wasn’t innocent in what happened today. I’m disappointed in her behaviour and there will be consequences. She could have walked away, she chose not to. By all accounts, my daughter was picked up off the floor by two boys whilst some other girls then started fighting the other girl.

My daughter leaves school by herself and comes to meet me or her dad at the car less than a 2-3 minute walk away. She has a phone to call us whilst she walks. Today, she called her dad hysterically sobbing because the mum pulled her to the side in the playground at the end of the day and screamed in her face “are you the bitch who beat up my daughter?”. Apparently there was more she said but her dad wasn’t sure of the exact wording to tell me (we’re separated) so he’s getting my daughter to write it down when she’s calmer. My daughter is now anxiety riddled and petrified to go to school on Monday. She suffered with anxiety during Covid and we worked with the Children’s Mental Health service to try and get back on track.

I’ve notified the school who have asked my daughter to write it all down and email it over the weekend ready for Monday morning. I will obviously walk her to school and collect her from the playground next week and she has to report directly to a member of staff. Now I understand a mum who is upset because her daughter has been hurt, I’ve been in her shoes, but screaming in a 10 year olds face until they’re sobbing can’t be okay - can it? I was absolutely livid when I found out.

Am I being unreasonable to escalate this with the school as I have done considering everything that’s happened? Someone has mentioned that it’s a “consequence for fighting” but I really don’t see it that way when the school were dealing with the fight? Would really appreciate an outsiders perspective… how would you feel?

@JC94 I wouldn't be too hard on your dd. Sounds like she has been pushed to breaking point and whilst her actions were not her finest moment they are understandable.

There are a couple of kids in my dd's class (also y6) who are forever picking on others, fighting etc. Luckily dd has never been on the receiving end but she has been worries about how she should deal with it should it happen.

I have always told her the same as you have with yours, violence is never the answer. Where ever possible walk away. However, I also have the caveat that she best not ever be the one that starts it but I fully expect her to finish it if someone hits her first.

The bully has just discovered what it is like to be on the receiving end of her own behaviour, especially if others took the chance to join in. Her mother had no right to have a go at your dd, but til you know your dds full side as to what led to the fight I would be wary of incoming the police.

Please don’t pull your child out unless she really wants to. It’s not fair she misses her last few weeks of primary school.

it’s up to the school how they deal with this, but if the other child is the problem then I wouldn’t let them fob you off.

I would absolutely contact the police re the other mum and also demand the school, do not allow her on school premises.

The is a similar situation at my DDs school, it involves some boys, there have been multiple temporary exclusions but nothing permanent. The school is reluctant to expel him because it’s so close to the school year, however the victims parents have pointed out that that’s nice for the violent child but their child has to come into school everyday scared still, or they take him out and he misses the end of year fun.

Agree, I would speak to the police. Kids are developing and learning, they make rash decisions hence the fight. A full grown adult needs to control herself around a child.

I do not think that an adult acting in that manner to any child is acceptable EVER, not even their own. So to say that an adult's choices are a consequence of children getting in to a fight, giving that adult an excuse for shocking behaviour, is outrageous.

No wonder this woman's daughter hits and has other unacceptable behaviour at school. She's learning her behaviours from her mum.

If this conversation happened on school property I would be speaking to the school about keeping your child safe by having this woman no longer being allowed into the school playground.