Another mum screaming at my child?

[JC94]

Oh I desperately need an outsiders opinion please!

Daughter is 10 and in year 6. The environment between her and her friends at school has become pretty toxic in the last few months and I’ve tried so hard to advise on my side and keep the school informed - school have been great so far!

I get a call today to say my daughter, who usually doesn’t say boo to a ghost, got into a fight with another girl. This other girl has previously stolen from my daughter and slapped her a couple of months ago (toxic environment example!). I’ve only ever told my kids that physical force is only acceptable if you’re in danger and it is your only means of safety and I know my daughter wasn’t innocent in what happened today. I’m disappointed in her behaviour and there will be consequences. She could have walked away, she chose not to. By all accounts, my daughter was picked up off the floor by two boys whilst some other girls then started fighting the other girl.

My daughter leaves school by herself and comes to meet me or her dad at the car less than a 2-3 minute walk away. She has a phone to call us whilst she walks. Today, she called her dad hysterically sobbing because the mum pulled her to the side in the playground at the end of the day and screamed in her face “are you the bitch who beat up my daughter?”. Apparently there was more she said but her dad wasn’t sure of the exact wording to tell me (we’re separated) so he’s getting my daughter to write it down when she’s calmer. My daughter is now anxiety riddled and petrified to go to school on Monday. She suffered with anxiety during Covid and we worked with the Children’s Mental Health service to try and get back on track.

I’ve notified the school who have asked my daughter to write it all down and email it over the weekend ready for Monday morning. I will obviously walk her to school and collect her from the playground next week and she has to report directly to a member of staff. Now I understand a mum who is upset because her daughter has been hurt, I’ve been in her shoes, but screaming in a 10 year olds face until they’re sobbing can’t be okay - can it? I was absolutely livid when I found out.

Am I being unreasonable to escalate this with the school as I have done considering everything that’s happened? Someone has mentioned that it’s a “consequence for fighting” but I really don’t see it that way when the school were dealing with the fight? Would really appreciate an outsiders perspective… how would you feel?

I would ask the school (whoever was on the gate?) and other parents what happened; you need to know if this woman did actually scream, and what words she used. There must be kids in the class with younger siblings whose parent can confirm. You really don't want to involve police and layer accusations only to find out your DD was lying because she was upset from fighting.

I had to re read as at first i thought you were talking about teenagers, at 10 years old, there is no way in hell i would be letting another adult scream at my child, there still babies!!!

definitely complain as much as possible and id be calling the police definitely.

Report to 101.
This mother has to be reined in.
The school has to take action and knowing the police are aware will ensure they do.
Escort your daughter to and from for the rest of the term if she wants that support. Be clear that while she was out of order, we all need to have boundaries and enforce them when we get to the end of our tether. And it sounds like that has what happened in this instance.
Lots of TLC!

Completely unacceptable. I’d be making sure the school dealt with this appropriately

Definitely report to police.

You know your own child, you can ask them calmly and be nice but clear about possible consequences if the truth is not quite the same.

Now would be the time to prove you have their back, I can't imagine telling a child you need to check with witnesses to make sure you believe what they told you. It's quite awful actually.

Imagine calling the police because somebody screamed at your child …
This is a school affair, OP. The school need to deal with this and ensure that all involved parties need to be held accountable for their behaviour. The most important thing is that the fighting stops.

Some years ago my teen DD reported a boy who had punched a car windscreen causing it to shatter. His mum found out and she physically assaulted my DD and screamed and threatened her. It was all filmed.
The police didn’t charge her.
The family just moved.

Sounds more like truly awful parents that have lost their grip on children's and their own behaviour.

How on earth is the school responsible for this.

I would escalate this to the police. There is a possibility that this is a public order or even a Schedule 1 offence.

By all means involve the school and inform them of the actions you have taken. If they're aware it's a police matter then it might compel them to take it the more seriously.

Do not approach or confront the other mother. Leave this one to the authorities to unpick.

This is not in any way acceptable.

I’d be tempted to pull her out for the next two weeks although obviously that’s really hard because where will she go? If you can’t, then I’d tell the school that you want her kept inside until you collect her or that parent banned from the playground. We have (as a school, not me!) banned 3 parents from being on the school site or contacting teachers bar the head of year-secondary-due to their aggressive behaviour. They have had official letters.

The mum was appalling to do that. Similar happened when mine were at primary school. A grandmother had a huge go at a (nice) boy for crossing her (not nice) dd.

I am glad to hear that she will be starting secondary school soon and will be out of that toxic environment! I know it might be hard logistically, but do you have to send her in for the last two weeks? If she has been bullied, it would be terrible to continue putting her through that for another 2 weeks!

This is so not OK ! An adult should never ever scream on another child! The school needs to be informed. I was once a witness to a mum screaming at a girl coming out of school for having bullied her child. I shielded the child and brought her back to the teachers and explained the situation so they could call her mum and ask her to come to school. The screaming mother was bat crazy and I think she could have attacked the girl physically. Well, she got an interdiction to come in to the school yard ever since..

It was a visceral reaction. I admit I possibly may have felt the same way but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have acted upon it.

Absolutely a police matter.
Cornering a child leaving school, Absolutely not on.
People behave like this because they believe they can get away with it.
Contact the police, and insist it is dealt with seriously.
Follow up with an email to the police officer involved.
Contact the school and tell them the police are now involved.
Your child should be able to walk safely from school with out being verbally attacked and abused.

Sounds like a school with issues if they’re fighting in primary! I’m shocked.

Maybe I’m stuck in the dark ages. But this sort of behaviour only used to rear it’s head in secondary school- like from year 8 onwards.

I know you say the school handles things generally well, but I would have to say the school is not in control of student behaviour at all.

Thank You all for your advice/opinions. Regarding the police, I am waiting until I have my daughter’s statement so that I know exactly what happened. I’m also 100% aware that she was not innocent in what happened during the day.

My daughter is on the SEND Register at her school and so the school have been good in terms of providing her with a lot of assistance and helping her academically. It’s been eye opening reading some comments and realising that perhaps I’ve been a bit naive in my praise for the school. There’s a toxic environment for a while that I’ve notified the school about and kept them updated with what’s happened however it’s been allowed to fester.

Absolutely call the police when someone, an adult, scream threaten and insult your child.

It's much more reasonable than thumping them yourself.

What do you think the school can actually do against another parent?

I'm the same as you Juliesname. I didn't know most people were so calm and sensible 😂

I got to that bit and thought there’s no way I’d be punishing my child for defending themselves. Both of mine know if they are hit/hurt I have their back if they fight back.

Over reaction. A parent told off OPs child for fighting, not a safeguarding or police matter. Let school know amd leave it. Things will blow over without a huge reaction.

Are you for real 🤣 What if it was your kid you just do nothing ?

How sad that you feeling any kind of verbal abuse towards a child should be tolerated.

You should feel ashamed of yourself (but won't )