Slightly offended DGM announced I 'married well'

[Jackjackjackaroo]

For the record, DGM has form for being very spiteful, lots of backhanded compliments and general bitterness towards others doing well for themselves.
At a large Family gathering yesterday I overheard her saying how lucky I am to have DH because of his Job and that I should be grateful I married well.
Yes, DH does have a very successful job, we are comfortable but due to the nature of his Work, he is often an absent Father / Husband and has been for Years.
I on the other hand, earn pennies but have spent my entire career working for Charities, volunteering, fundraising and raising awareness. My upbringing was truly terrible so my life's mission has always been to help others, DH supports that wholeheartedly.

Not sure where I'm going with this post, perhaps just a rant, but I can't help but feel annoyed that my contribution to society is so overlooked by Salary!

Not if they as a couple want to raise their children without totally relying on nannies etc.

Whatever job she had would have to be flexible enough to work around childcare, pick ups and drop offs, school holidays and illness.
It really is impossible to have a traditional family upbringing if both parents are out working longer than regular hours with lots of periods of over seas travel
It can be done but the family life becomes very different and many people don't want this.
So one person sacrifices their career for the good of the family.
That's what's happened here. He has been enabled by the OP stepping back and doing all the domestic family work. She has been able to do a charity job that allows her to have time for all the domestic family things.

We made the same choice. Either both dh and I were out all the time, barely seeing each other as there is no way our travel schedules would match up and the dc not seeing their parents for days. Leaving before they hit up and getting home after they went to bed.

So I stopped. I created a stable family home life and did various charity volunteering roles. This enabled dh to totally commit himself to his job never having to think twice about if and when he could work or travel. We also moved country for several years for his job. He didn't have to do anything other than get on a plane and fly to the new location. No house hunting. No getting tenants. Ni sorting out house so it was rent ready. No finding schools or doctors or starting and closing down accounts.

That's why he could do what he did.

But you can do what you do because of his earnings, presumably.
I personally don't see the big problem. It's just something that someone of her generation would say.
Of course you should remind her that he's lucky too (not that she should need a reminder).

@letsgoooo many people are perfectly happy to rely on childcare while they work full time. It's not some kind of weird moral failing.

Such a rude thing to say when it’s none of her business anyway . As long as you and your husband are happy that’s the main thing.

You've already said she's not a very nice person so why care what she thinks? Know your own worth! And don't worry about what anyone else thinks 🤷‍♀️

I can’t believe all the people here saying it’s a compliment. The internalised misogyny is astounding. It is absolutely not! It implies a level of calculation in who a person has married and it’s also completely one sided!
It could be argued that he married well, choosing a partner who is so kind and philanthropic, and also can presumably devote most of her time and attention to their children, not to mention saving potentially thousands in childcare.

OMFG. So what you are saying is, if she wasn’t around, and he had sole care of the children, he could simply ‘outsource childcare and cleaning’, keep his career and everything would be hunky dory? What a load of bull.
If that were the case high earning single parents would have no bother at all.
What about if he has to work evenings/weekends/business trips? Which I assume he does because OP describes him as a father who is sometimes absent. Just call on Mary Poppins? What about if he is sick or this magical nanny is?
And do you actually have any idea how much full time childcare costs? And I mean full time as in five days a week, holiday cover, weekends if he needs them? You could easily pay upwards of £2000 a month for a full time private nursery place for one baby. What if there is also a preschooler and two primary aged kids needing afterschool care and holiday clubs? Oh and by the way, they usually start at 7:30 at the earliest (that’s nursery, you’re stuffed if you have primary school aged kids who can’t go any earlier than 8:15 for breakfast club, worse if there is is no breakfast club) but you start work at 8:30.
Come into the real world.

It does indeed sound as though you married well, as you say that your husband is fully supportive of you/ your choices and direction.

She’s hardly a DGM then. Sounds like a nasty old bat

Always a risk to fully put your self in the hands of a DH like that. After splitting up with mine, I’d recommend to all women to ensure they have their own career and safety net just in case. That power imbalance can lead to massive issues! Unless you are a hundreds percent sure, but even then things can change.