Batshi* crazy SIL? AIBU?

[rainbowsandsparkles86]

SIL and I don't have a particularly warm relationship. Over the years she has made me feel unwelcome when we visit the in-laws, has said a number of inappropriate things and at every opportunity will try her hardest to get a cheap dig in - if not about me, then my family.

I've had no contact with SIL since Christmas when I told DH that I was going no contact as I was fed up of her comments. He got it as she was also inappropriate to him, but given that she is his sister he won't go no contact.

I've always had the impression that feels that I have taken her brother away from her - she seems to think she knows him pretty well by commenting previously and inappropriately on her perceived perception of our married life and his evident bedroom frustrations. She oversteps the mark, crosses boundaries I have put in place and basically any opportunity will say something to belittle me or have a dig.

We have a family WhatsApp chat - I get on with the rest of DHs family, but I have muted the group as I can't really leave the group.

Yesterday DH posted a jokey thing up about a husband and wife. SIL is straight on it and in caps is writing LOVE IT LITTLE BRO and then fills the rest of the message with hearts, kisses and other emojis. She then has evidently misconstrued the joke and thinks it is a dig at me and then (I won't say what the joke was as it will be outing), and then posts a close up photo of just her and DH with a strength arm emoji with lots more kisses and hearts.

I think she's batshi* anyway, but feel like she is now having a dig at me by positing comments and photos of just her and DH and telling DH not to forget his roots and who is BLOOD family are - for context we live a good 5 hours away.

DH thinks I am overreacting - I probably am, but AIBU to think this woman is just as mad as a box of frogs? I dread having to spend any time with her as feel she doesn't make it easy for me - last time we visited she screamed at me in her own home, throwing open doors and asking if I wanted to see inside her cupboards etc.

Anybody?!

Bizarre! But why has he made his "bedroom frustrations" evident to her?! 😬

It certainly sounds like she doesn't like you, and like DH massively over-shares with his family. That doesn't make either of them crazy as such, just not pleasant. Why are you still with someone who you don't get along with?

She is batshit

I would never see her again unless it's a big family event

He hasn’t. Just her observation!

"Blood family" comments are totally inappropriate. Have a serious conversation with DH and ask him to challenge that every single time. From the outside looking in, it seems that SIL disprespects you because your DH has allowed that to happen. He needs to step up. You are NOT over-reacting.

DH and I do get along. The issue is the SIL.

I'd be voicing concerns about her inappropriate level of interest in her brother's sex life and suggesting she might want to look into some sort of therapy because it's really not normal to view your brother as she does.

You can play it as though you're genuinely concerned for her and want to help her.

Your Dh clearly has said stuff to her. Knowing her opinion of you why would he post something like that in the group chat.

So nothing actually evident, she's making it up? How weird of her 🤮

Yup, she's batshit. Your DH clearly knows it, you don't have to engage with the silly cow, so it's pretty much sorted. Tedious, but sorted.

I have a similar SIL, and just make sure that I don't make DH feel he's piggy in the middle, and let her own particular brand of batshittery really shine. . .

Wierdly incestuous vibe yuk.
Sorry you have to deal with this OP but try and imagine her as a child and don't let her get btw you and your DH as that's clearly her aim.

Your DH lets his sister be rude to you and insinuate there are issues in your relationship. You certainly do have a DH issue. If you two got along well, he would not allow that behaviour from his sister.

Do you think he has bedroom frustrations?

Your ‘D’H needs to stand up for you and tell her to respect your marriage or he goes NC with her too.
I think your husband is to blame for allowing her to continue to treat you so badly. He is downplaying hee batshittery and he is playing into her hands with his post.
I would be more annoyed with him I think.

I'd reply.

Didn't know I married into the Targaryens

Obviously batshit but I'd just totally ignore it all. Don't give her oxygen or your headspace.

She responded to the what's app post to wind you up and it worked. Going no contact also means headspace, especially when she lives five hours away. Ignore, ignore.

She will have seen that you saw her post. Just don't open her posts, keep the chat muted. Or read the chat group once a week so she doesn't see you've read her posts straightaway.

You know she's batshit so why let her wind you up?

This

it's not clear if he has bedroom frustrations or not.
But don't be passive here. Leave the group. And if you really want to be in touch with others, aside of SIL, make a new group?

Your DH needs to stand up to her when she says these comments, otherwise in her mind he’s validating her. He also sounds like he’s feeding her pettiness by sharing jokes at your expense? For the record my husband wouldn’t share memes implying I was a moaning wife/ being married is a chore etc or whatever it is. If people share these silly “jokes” then people like your SIL will take them at face value.

Just add the laughing face emoji to the chat. She won’t know if you’re laughing at her or the joke. It’ll wind her up more 🤷‍♀️

In your shoes, @rainbowsandsparkles86, I'd leave the group chat, and set up individual WhatsApp chats with the people you do want to stay in touch with. It is not worth the toll on your mental health to be in a group with your SIL.

I'm sure the rest of the family know how she's treated you - it doesn't sound as if she's been at all subtle about it - so I think they will understand why you don't want to be in a group with her.

Then, as previous posters have said - ignore her, don't bother seeing her, and wipe her from your consciousness. She can only have headspace in your head if you give it to her.

Yes, she does sound batshit. I wouldn't react though as then whatever you say or do you are feeding the drama llama.
Personally I would be withdrawing from any contact with her, certainly not going to her house and avoiding family gatherings that she will be at.