Batshi* crazy SIL? AIBU?

[rainbowsandsparkles86]

SIL and I don't have a particularly warm relationship. Over the years she has made me feel unwelcome when we visit the in-laws, has said a number of inappropriate things and at every opportunity will try her hardest to get a cheap dig in - if not about me, then my family.

I've had no contact with SIL since Christmas when I told DH that I was going no contact as I was fed up of her comments. He got it as she was also inappropriate to him, but given that she is his sister he won't go no contact.

I've always had the impression that feels that I have taken her brother away from her - she seems to think she knows him pretty well by commenting previously and inappropriately on her perceived perception of our married life and his evident bedroom frustrations. She oversteps the mark, crosses boundaries I have put in place and basically any opportunity will say something to belittle me or have a dig.

We have a family WhatsApp chat - I get on with the rest of DHs family, but I have muted the group as I can't really leave the group.

Yesterday DH posted a jokey thing up about a husband and wife. SIL is straight on it and in caps is writing LOVE IT LITTLE BRO and then fills the rest of the message with hearts, kisses and other emojis. She then has evidently misconstrued the joke and thinks it is a dig at me and then (I won't say what the joke was as it will be outing), and then posts a close up photo of just her and DH with a strength arm emoji with lots more kisses and hearts.

I think she's batshi* anyway, but feel like she is now having a dig at me by positing comments and photos of just her and DH and telling DH not to forget his roots and who is BLOOD family are - for context we live a good 5 hours away.

DH thinks I am overreacting - I probably am, but AIBU to think this woman is just as mad as a box of frogs? I dread having to spend any time with her as feel she doesn't make it easy for me - last time we visited she screamed at me in her own home, throwing open doors and asking if I wanted to see inside her cupboards etc.

And there we have "mental health issues", might be "SEN" Mumsnet Bingo....or the SIL could just be a PITA and Bat Sh*t Crazy - which is more than likely the case!
Recommend she tries therapy to get over her weird bro/sis issues.

She doesn’t want to relinquish total control of her brother. And she is jealous of you. And possibly she enjoyed her childhood with him more than her adult life and prefers to daydream about the past rather than live in the present.
I think your DH has to step up and fully support you by having a chat with her and making it clear what is acceptable and what isn’t and if she crosses the line he should go NC. She is not going to stop unless she is made to.

She's clearly nuts. All you can do is laugh and not get too involved.

I'm so puzzled. Why is SIL talks about her BROTHERS so perceived bedroom frustrations? It's so weird? @rainbowsandsparkles86 are you getting the vibes that she has sexual feelings for your DH (not being funny here, but it's such a strange situation)

@rainbowsandsparkles86 sorry, I thought you are the same poster that posted previously about crazy SIL, now I see you're a different person! Apologies, I take my question about your SIL possibly having inappropriate feelings for your DH back!

She is insane.
your doing the right thing by no contact. I’d start making excuses for not attending family things while she’s there.

Take it Step by step she’ll cease to matter in your life. Keep your boundaries strong though especially with other family members who think nothing of this woman’s behaviour. You don’t need to defend yourself. It’s not normal behaviour.

good luck.

Shes clearly been watching to much game of thrones. Creepy fucker.

Jealousy and possessiveness appear to be behind this poor behaviour which your husband obviously enjoys to a degree - otherwise he would put a stop to it.
You need to give him an ultimatum to put a stop to this crazy behaviour - he needs to speak to her in no uncertain terms by phone or in person AND he should stop posting so much stuff on the WhatsApp group - that’s giving her ammunition.

OP, she sounds very difficult but your husband green lighting her with a marital "joke" is your problem.
Why would he post that?
I think he contributes to the dynamic.
Look closer at why he would do that.
Is he getting a kick out of it?

So your dh posts a presumably misogynistic meme she assumes it's about you. I'd be have words with your dh about posting crap like that and he needs to tell his sister to pack it in. (Not about the meme as that was his fault but generally when she is rude.

So weird ! I would leave the group chat personally. You live far away anyway and if you get on with the rest of them it won't matter. She'll soon get bored, she clearly posted that to get a reaction out of you!

What's your auntie got to do with the price of fish? She's not on the family WA group, is she? 🙄

You still haven't clarified, that I can see, whether your SIL's comments about her brother's "evident bedroom frustrations" are grounded in reality - eg, DO you have issues in that area? Because if you do, it sounds like she's been told as much. Even if you don't, it's an odd thing for her to have come up with no input from anyone else.

It certainly sounds like he's been shit stirring in the WA group at least by posting memes that your SIL seems to inferred things about your marriage. Maybe she is batshit. Or maybe he's one of those people who likes division in the family. Or both. He certainly doesn't seem to have your back.

Why did she scream?

If this was on the group chat, I'd reply with 'Oh, we don't have any issues in that department..." followed by a few emojis 🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇
😉

Like it! Copy and pasted.

She thought I wanted to see inside her cupboards!

Why is DH sharing his bedroom frustrations with his family? And what did you say to her to make her feel she had to shave the inside of her cupboards? Is there more going on here the meats that I? If not, then she is batshit crazy and you’re not being unreasonable, but it sounds like there is some backstory here?

Can totally relate, my SIL is batshit too, and with the weird incest shit too!! I think it’s a power thing with mine, like she can’t let another woman near her brother 🙄 told me several times that he has seen her tits when they have been on holiday together etc 🤮 then tried to insist that she is his first ever valentine 🤮🤮 all in the group chat!

I did leave the group family group chat because she used to get pissed and make rude comments about me or me and my daughter or how her brother isn’t the same person anymore…(insert other weird untrue ramblings) like clockwork, every Friday & Saturday, and when I left I just sent a message saying something like ‘I am leaving this group because it’s ridiculous to have to see this shit on my phone day in day out, bye’

SIL hasn’t spoken to me since and it’s frosty with PIL but I feel so much better!!!

DH left the group too but does still very occasionally speak to.

Why did your DH post something to feed her behaviour. I suspect he is also the problem and he’s egging her on. Does your SIL have inappropriate feelings for your DH. Sounds like it!

OMG they are both from runners for craziest batshit SIL! Those comments are just so wrong!!

Oh my goodness, if I didn't know better, I'd say we had the same SIL!!. Mine also gets pissed pretty regularly and posts insanity in the family group chat. All the same things about my DH - oh you've changed, we used to be so close and spend holidays together. Well, duh, he's got a family now, and you're batshit, so that'll be why he doesn't choose to hang out with you anymore!! She also sends me ranty messages about how I'm upsetting their parents by not speaking to SIL. I don't think my PIL give two hoots whether I speak to SIL or not. They think she's batshit too, but are too scared of her to do anything about it!!

Definitely laugh it off publicly, she'll hate that, she sounds unhinged.

And another one!!! DH often gets told not to forget his roots and to remember who he is! He has lived down South and away from her for over 25 years but she still clings to this childhood ideal. I’ve already told MIL I refuse to go for every Christmas as she can’t have it like it ls still the 80/90s and he has a family of his own now.

Exactly this, I would say we had the same too!

SIL didn’t block me after the family group chat saga but I have since been blocked because I phoned her to call her out on more batshitery (that was borderline malicious allegation!) she is childless and didn’t have a clue what she was trying to get at!

TBH neither SIL or PIL are great losses in our life so it’s better to not have to deal with her drama.

You have my every sympathy x

@Cucumberflo - they really do sound very alike. My SIL is also unmarried and childless, so she really doesn't understand that her brother's primary family unit is now me and our DC. She still thinks the primary family unit is their childhood family, of which she is, of course, the boss. She can't appreciate that my DH and their other brother have grown up and moved on, and she can't stand that she is no longer in control of them, and the centre of attention.

On the occasions we do all get together, she honestly acts like a spoilt child. On one outing for a meal, she decided she was leaving the restaurant, as she didn't want to sit at the end of the table, i.e. not in the middle being the centre of attention. This is a 50 something year old woman we are talking about here!!

I have gone NC with her now. It does mean family occasions are limited, as she is unable to let anything happen without her being involved, but that's an issue for PILs to sort out, not me.

It's good to know there are others out there who understand what I am talking about!!