Wfh during summer hols with young children

[Jeannie88]

At what age do you think being able to properly wfh can be done while looking after your children? Just curious as a few friends in whattsapp group. Some say it's fine as 5, 6, 7 year olds can amuse themselves, others say their 5/6/7 year olds need constant attention. The debate is should they put them into nursery, holiday clubs etc. They do have the luxury of parents being able to help and take them out, so not all day every day having to parent.

Personally, I have responded with alternating days, so a child free day get lots done, next day less. I did also point out that those who don't wfh have no choice and need to rely on childcare or family help if lucky to have it.

For those who have partners who wfh as well it can be managed but when DP out at work it's difficult and stressful.

What do you think would be the best option? I would find it taxing to wfh and look after DC and would certainly consider some days of childcare and willing to pay for it, even 2 or 3 days a week, or full steam working and take DC out on the evening and weekends for fresh air and exercise.

It's not easy these days with both parents working during holidays 😕

I wfh a couple of days a week. When DS starts school he will be looked after in the holidays by me on annual leave, his dad on annual leave, his grandparents (when they’re not looking after their other GC), holiday club and whatever else we can manage.

This is why working from home gets a bad rep. You cannot realistically look after a child aged under 10 whilst working, unless you’re not paying enough attention to them or to your work.

My DSS is 5 and I can’t work and be responsible for him - he’s very needy and really struggles to solo play but he is ND which explains some of that. I just don’t think it’s fair on either your kid or your work as you’re not giving much to either!

Mine and 6 and 9 and have a heavily scheduled summer holiday as we can’t work with them in the house. It makes me feel sad in a way but we have no help from grandparents etc. we have about ten days family holiday, then they’re in football and drama camps, the school wrap around team run a club etc. maybe if you have kids who are excellent playing solo it would work but my six yr old can manage about an hour without coming to me bored etc and my autistic 9 year old has always been hopeless at entertaining himself. He’d revert to a screen if left to his own devices.

My dd is 5 and there is no way I can wfh with her, she wants my attention and doesn't understand I'm working. She will be with childminder during holidays and I have some annual leave.

Dc are 9 and 11 and yes they will have a lie in and then watch tv but by about lunchtime they get bored. If there's only one of them they get lonely and if they're both here they will play together but eventually start squabbling.

It's fine for a bit, say if a holiday club starts at 10 or ends at 3pm so you have a couple of hours to cover. It's not the answer for weeks on end, it's not fair on dc and it's not fair on work.

We both have jobs where we have a lot of meetings and it wouldn't be acceptable to have young children interrupting. We have some flexibility but a lot of the job involves communicating with other people during working hours so it's not possible to just do the work at another time.

Our 5 & 7 year olds will be in childcare every day we are working over the summer holidays.

And it's what they prefer too - having seen so much of this on Mumsnet, I have asked them out of curiosity whether they would rather be quiet while we work from home or go to holiday clubs and they think the question is mad - of course they would rather go to holiday clubs.

There are a few clubs near us for 8-13 year olds that are 10-3 type affairs - when they get to that age, we might do those and then they can entertain themselves after 3 for a couple of hours, but for now proper full time childcare for the 2-3 weeks we can't be off in the summer.

Of course emergencies are different, but no one expects full work performance when looking after a sick child (or at least my work don‘t expect that, which I am grateful for.)

2021 was a crap year for me professionally. DS was meant to start nursery in the January, but didn’t because of lockdown. I “worked” and looked after him until late February when he did actually start nursery. And then I swear every single week something came up. He didn’t settle. He needed a Covid test. He had chickenpox, then sickness, then hand foot and mouth, then an eye infection, then sickness again, then a cold. I remember sobbing on a Teams call to my Director as I was up against a deadline for something. I don’t think I managed a full week of work until about June.

Yes, things improve. DS’s immune system & hand hygiene has probably made the most difference. But I can’t work properly unless someone else is looking after him.

I wfh most days (and DH on the days I'm in the office) and my 7 and 9 year old are in holidays clubs all summer if we're not on leave. There are 2 days this summer I don't have care organised but will work something out by then. I'm ok with 9 (nearly 10) year old kicking around but not both. Let's face it, at that age, amusing themselves means staring at a screen all day. I have a friend with a 10 year old who will pretty much spend the next 7 weeks on Fortnite as they have no plans for him.

I did it from age 8, she had a 12yr old sister to help her with anything. DH is a shift worker and is home quite a bit. My employers are extremely family friendly, the boss looks after his little ones whilst wfh.
My role isn't full on and I don't have a lot of phone calls, the downtime helps a lot.

Mine are 9 and 12. The 12 year old will happily amuse herself and go out in the village with friends. The 9 year old not so much. Grandma is staying with us for a week and their dad notionally has them for 2 weeks but he is notoriously unreliable so they will inevitably end up with me WFH for a few days but I wouldn’t plan more than a couple of days deliberately. If their dad definitely couldn’t have them for the full week I would either have booked leave or a holiday club…

Ideally I would arrange stuff for any DC under 10. 5+ they won’t hurt themselves or trash the house or anything whilst you’re on calls but that’s a pretty low bar and will inevitably involve a lot of TV/ipad. So I’d personally try to avoid. But something like a lie in, breakfast, potter with toys, holiday club 10-3, then snack in front of the TV until you finish work is a good compromise.

My 8 and 5 year olds are going to camp. I’d rather they were stimulated, had some attention and peers to play with than having no attention from me while working. The odd day is fine- a tv day etc isn’t going to do them any harm once in a while but I don’t think it’s fair to do it continuously.

My 8yo is on the cusp where actually she’d be fine with minimal supervision. When she’s ill she’s happy to lie on the sofa while I’m working and you can barely tell she’s there but normally she’s very high energy and on the go so I think she’d go mad pottering at home all week so even though she probably could, I don’t think it would be good for her. There is zero chance I could work for a full day with mg 5yo at home and it not have an impact on work or her.

Are you allowed to do childcare while wfh? Some contracts don’t allow it.

I feel very sorry for kids who just amuse themselves all day long every while their parents wfh full time, that's bordering on neglect.

Isn't that one of the perks of wfh, free childcare? People are used to hearing kids, dogs, partners in the background.
Maybe arrange for your child to go on playmates at their friends' houses and repay the favour when you're off.

Fine for whom? Certainly not for the 4 year old who’s parent is totally neglecting them!

Being paid whist neglecting a child isn’t a ‘perk’.

Isn't that one of the perks of wfh, free childcare? People are used to hearing kids, dogs, partners in the background.

If by free childcare you mean no need to pay for any childcare, sure. But WFH while in charge of a young child isn't providing childcare, either your work suffers or your child suffers.

As for hearing dogs, partners and kids, people tolerated it during Covid, but that was 4 years ago. I wouldn't expect lots of background noise now. Sure there will be the occasional dog bark, but a child or partner interrupting work shouldn't be happening on a regular basis.

It isn't fair to the child/children to leave them alone all day.
I would not stand for this as an employer either, I am paying you to work not parent your young children. I would start disciplinary proceedings if I found out an employee was doing this with very young children.

Age 10 is around the age I feel my children would be self sufficient, and not constantly interrupt or argue. They are old enough to make themselves lunch and drinks and take care of themselves properly.

I'm interested what people mean when they say their dc amuse themselves. Mine is 10 and left to his own devices he'd be on his games console for the entire day. I tried wfh with him one day during the easter holidays and he literally gamed from 8-5 with a short break to eat lunch. I wouldn't do it again.

Isn't that one of the perks of wfh, free childcare? People are used to hearing kids, dogs, partners in the background.

Not nearly as accepted now as it was in lockdown when we had no choice.

I've been WFH for a remote employer since long before Covid.

Dc cared for out of the house or in the hoise my relatives not me 100% of holidays up to age 8/9. Age 9/10 started having max 1 day per week of "Left to their own devices" so was booking in a less intensive activity plan. Expanded to up to 2 days a week age 11. Then covid struck and all good intentions went out of the window.

Now in older teen years but I still book up some holiday activities where available because its not good for any child to be left to their own devices for weeks at a time if you don't live in an enid-blyton-style utopia of explorable countryside.

A whole day is too long in my experience for much more than the odd day.

I might let mine (10 and 6) have the first day of holidays at home next week while I'm working. They are well used to it from lockdown and day one they'll love a pyjama day and the novelty of a full day with their toys.
Having an older child helps as he can get drinks and snacks etc if I'm on calls (they understand what they are allowed and when).

But after that it's too much. I'm lucky that grandparents help out. They aren't used to full days anymore either as it's usually before and after school so will probably ask them to collect later say 10.30 and they can return mid afternoon.

An hour here and there makes no difference to my work and they will happily amuse themselves but I don't think full days is appropriate for kids or employer until they are 10 plus and at the stage they go out with friends etc for some of day.

I'm part time anyway and I've used AL to reduce my hours even more during the holidays and the kids are in camps for at least 4 hours every working day...

Mine are reception and Y4 age and are fine to work "around" after an active camp as they will crash in front of the TV for a bit...

Wouldn't work without at least a part day camp. Maybe when they're secondary but even then I'd want some kind of physical/organised activity for a holiday period.

Odd days when ill much easier to work with them around as they're quiet and don't need much more than sleeping, TV, audio books and reading with maybe some drawing if nearly back to school...

On here, a lot of posters claim to have children who are remarkably able to do improving activities all day with minimal supervision.

I think in reality most children are just on screens