To have asked nanny to take her shoes off

[Bluegreenyellowredorange]

My husband and I decided to employ a nanny for our 2 DC ages 1 and 5. This will be the first time we've used a nanny.

We interviewed a lady on Saturday. She arrived just as we’d got home from a walk and as usual we all took our shoes off as we came in. She left hers on though and my husband asked her to take them off when she walked into the living room. I’ll be honest it was a little awkward as I think it took her by surprise. They are newish carpets so I can see where he is coming from but I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it myself. I guess most people don’t expect to take their shoes off in an interview (even though it’s a house and not an office?).

Anyway, the interview went well and she had plenty of experience and qualifications and I’ve tried to contact her (yesterday and today) to arrange a taster session but she hasn’t got back to me. It’s such a minor thing but I’m guessing it put her off. I can’t think of anything else.

Did we do something wrong?

It's become a thing. I'm older and it wasn't something done when I was younger nor do I recall other family and friends expecting it. As it happens, we do in our house now, but mainly as I prefer to go bare foot or wear slippers as it's more comfortable. My dad is insulted by the idea though and refuses - he is not generally unreasonable, far from it. Just not something that has been expected from him. And when it started to come in, I recall being slightly annoyed that I'd chosen shoes to go with an outfit but couldn't wear them at a house event.

However we have young adult daughters and all their friends automatically take their shoes off when they come in. I never asked them to, though my kids might. Its seems to be the fashion now. We don't even have carpets in many rooms and not in their bedrooms as they didn't want them.

I think it is 'off' to ask a visitor to take their shoes off as a matter if policy, especially for an interview. But you can't assume this is why the nanny isn't interested in your job. Could be anything - didn't like you, journey awkward, felt the duties / hours didn't suit, had had a better offer etc.

I was just about to say something similar to your last couple of sentences @Onelifeonly. And to add to your list of things which might potentially have put the nanny off, OP said the interview was on Saturday and she followed it up on Monday and then again on Tuesday. Personally I would find that rather pushy, verging on the aggressive. Plus a couple of PP have said that taster sessions aren't that common, so that might also be something the nanny is considering.

Don't forget the piles of vomit and blood on a Monday morning (or is that just South London?). Someone is stepping in it because it gets gradually spread out across the pavement.

probably nothing at all to do with shoes on / off.

Much more likely to be a ' liking ' thing, maybe she didn't immediately warm to one of your children / your husband / you.

You thought the interview went well, maybe she felt differently.

Does he usually ask people to take shoes off ?

I'm a maternity nurse but was a nanny and tbh I often do ask would they like me to take shoes off

Some say yes. Others no

But I wouldn't Be offended

I usually offer to take shoes off in other people's house because sometimes I've been asked to, so I assume majority of houses are no shoes indoors.
I've never been offered slippers (worn or clean)
In my own house I always take off trainers, or shoes that are obviously muddy but if I've just walked into town or on a pavement, I don't always bother and I don't request visitors do, but most do anyway

There was a post a while ago about someone going to a house party which was shoes off....and I wouldnt like that if it wasn't made clear on an invite.

Perhaps it would have been best when you were arranging the interview if you mentioned that you are non-shoes home, therefore no surprises or awkward moments when she arrived. I run my business from home and have two employees. Neither mind the fact that they leave their shoes in the foyer

@MereDintofPandiculation why is that offensive?

Perhaps she thought you'd be hardwork if you're asking a stranger there for an interview, to take their shoes off?

Once they started work fair enough.

How did you try and contact her, could it be that's she's not had chance to reply or thinking about the offer?

Why can people not realise that there is no 'normal' here. Some households are shoes off, some are shoes on. Neither is right or wrong. Keeping on insisting that your way is the only way is weird and narrow minded.

If yours is the first 'shoes off' household that your prospective nanny has come across and it's enough to put her off accepting the job then she clearly doesn't have much life experience and probably isn't the right fit for your household anyway.

If I was going to someone’s house and I see them taking their shoes off, then I’d do the same,

if you want her to take her shoes off when I’m your house then asking her at interview makes sense. If she’s not responding to you as she doesn’t want to work shoes off, you are probably not a mutual fit and it’s for the best

Taking shoes when entering your house or someone's house is pretty normal nowadays! Your house, your rules! In my house we have "no outside shoes inside rule". My children automatically take their shoes off when visiting other peoples house. The vast majority of my visitors take their shoes without us having to ask. We always return the favour. I find outside shoes inside the house "yuk" 🤮! All that dog shit, vomit, dirt people walk on and bringing inside your lovely home and carpet... we love walking barefoot or with socks on.... Besides I vacumm but do not have the worry to mop my wooden floor so often, because they are kept clean. Only time to time to remove some dust or food stain.
If taking shoes off bothers her, she is not a good fit for you. Looking for someone who respects your house rules!

Sorry but I think asking anyone to take their shoes off as a visitor is bad manners.

No one has answered this.....

I have a family member with a prosthesis that is really only safe for him with shoes on, its designed with certain shoes in mind. So what would you have him do?

As a PP said, if a wheelchair user came into your house, what would you have them do?

Not sure a hypothetical ( and quite low probability) situation is useful to the OPs question….

@PyongyangKipperbang
I don't actually know anyone with a prosthesis or a wheelchair user well enough to have them in my home.

If I was likely to often host someone that did, I'd likely ensure that the areas they would be in were hard floored so I could mop afterwards.

I can honestly say I have never been asked to take my shoes off in anyone’s house. Ever.

If she took offence it may have been more to do with how he said it than the request itself.

I’m Irish and I never got asked to take my shoes off at someone’s home until I moved and lived in other countries. Maybe it’s cultural? I do it now automatically and have worked as a nanny in the past and most will ask to take shoes off at interview, usually only when there’s carpet which you said there was.

How long has it been since the interview? It’s the weekend so maybe she’s not checking emails or is away? Give her until end of day Monday i would say, try calling incase she’s not getting your messsage.

If she gets offended about taking her shoes off and this is one the reason she takes a dislike to you then you dodged a bullet. You need to have the right chemistry with the person especially if they are looking after your kids. For anyone who gets precious about something like this would mean that they don’t meet my hygiene standards and I wouldn’t want them to work for me. As the employer you set your rules and terms of employment. Clearly you need to be a good employer but taking your shoes off is a basic requirement.

I wouldn't have taken the job. Even though I don't allow shoes in my house I would never ask a guest to remove their shoes. I wouldn't expect to remove my shoes at a friend's or clients house either. If they asked.me to I'd think it was petty and probably just not bother going round again.
I think it's pretty rude tbh. It essentially says to the guest that you think their shoes are grubby and dirty which isn't the case normally. Yes if I'd been walking through mud before I arrived but I find it very rude indeed.

It essentially says to the guest that you think their shoes are grubby and dirty which isn't the case normally.

But people's shoes are grubby and dirty - it's nothing personal but the pavements are filthy!

That’s very inappropriate for interview. Remember this is a potential employee with rights. When have you attended interview without shoes? Big red flag your OTT and don’t respect boundaries. She would I’m sure happily take shoes off if employed but who does that at interview?!