Giving house to step-daughter?

[IsMadl]

Hi all, I have one step-daughter, no biological children (could never have any). My step-daughter is 27, she got married last summer, and is expecting her first baby. Her dad and I got together when she was 10 (her mum passed away when she was 7), we married when she was 16 and have been together happily since.

Before her dad and I married I had a 3 bed semi, we live in the North but it recently got valued at £300,000. We have been renting it out since I moved in here 12 years ago. The money has funded mostly my pension and odds and ends here. I'm a primary teacher though so have a good pension as it is.

SD and her husband have been saving really hard for a house, they earn well, she in the civil service and he in finance, but they work in London and obviously it is expensive. She had about £150,000 from her mum (-uni costs, wedding costs etc.) and they are saving.
Currently the house I had is to be split between my niece and nephew when I die, the house I live in now will go to step-daughter when both dad and I pass.

To me my step-daughter is my own, I was never able to have children of my own and I think she is incredible, so smart, beautiful, funny and caring. I hate seeing her struggle to build the deposit for a nice house, in a nice area with a garden which is all she really wants. I've been thinking maybe it is time I sell the house and give her the profit, obviously it would up there deposit massively. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think she and her DH had earned it but they are lovely, kind, hardworking people.

I told my husband and he said that it would be a lovely thing to do but no pressure as it is mine. My mum and dad think it would be a horrendous idea.

AIBU to consider this?

This sounds like a lovely thing to do 💐

London house prices are INSANE. Those 2 properties would be about £300k where I live, and where I live is lovely. And I say that as someone who has lived in London in the past.

You have bought her up from a young child and sounds like you have a good relationship which is fab. If you have your future sorted and it's something you want to do don't let others influence you. Money can bring the evil out in people, but its your money and you earned it so its your choice. She's lucky to have such a fab step mum.

In the event that your husband dies before you do, does the house you share go to you, or SD. If it goes to SD, you need to keep your house so you have somewhere to live. If it goes to you, and then SD when you both have passed, then I think it's a lovely idea for you to give money from your home to your SD

It goes to me, only goes to SD once we have both passed, so no worries.

Might you not need this money yourself for care bills when you’re older? My DM ran through £150k in two years. Do you have private means and other money?

£300k is a huge sum of money to give away. I’d give £100k and no more. This is still extremely generous.

You sound amazing! I hope you love becoming a grandma as you certainly have so much love to give.

i am with you all the way! If I could give my children such fortunes to help them on their way and make their life easier I would (they are still young), Their happiness will always be my first priority.

if I wasn’t a 40 year old women I would ask you to adopt me 😍

just being cautious here, but agree with other posters - if you divorce, DH or you become long term ill, something happens.. a nice care home is A Lot. my MIL has had to spend an awful lot on stair lifts, home help etc etc etc. her life would be unbearable without spare cash. Just saying.

I agree it would be a mad reckless thing to do. You have no idea what the future holds.

That is indeed a fortunate young couple. I wish I could give even a small fraction of that to my children.

Very best wishes with your grandchild - your excitement is palpable!

What are you niece and nephews position like OP? Are they struggling alot?

Maybe an idea could be to split it 3 ways with Sd getting a bigger portion of money to help her out now.?

DH and I have already said we will pay all childcare costs

Why? I mean it's up to you but what if they have 4 kids?

It’s your money , do as you want with it although be prepared for your parents to leave everything to your sibling / their children as they obviously don’t see your step daughter as family .

You don't think your mum and dad have told the niece and nephew or their parents?

I’m in two minds. You sell this and you don’t have any back up. Neither for you, or your daughter. The partners in finance. They will be just dandy.

Sure they might have to work their way up the ladder. But so does everyone. It’s part of the joy of it. And I say that coming from a family with millions worth of property assets. Would I enjoy my house as much if my parents just bought it for us. No. I have done it off my own back and it makes it all the more special. I want to contribute to the wealth of our family not drain it.

I don't even know why you're asking us - your money, your choice. Obviously do your research re tax/legal implications and off you go.

How about taking some of the equity out of the house (say 150k) and getting a buy to let interest only loan. Then you have helped her out but you keep hold of an asset that will continue to appreciate, that you can leave to whoever you want.

OP I think your an amazing step mother and will be a fantastic granny. I personally don't think it's any of your parents business what you decide to do with your money. I am not even sure I would be giving any to nieces and nephews in your position. They have there own parents to inherit from though please correct me if I am wrong.

Give your step daughter and grandchild the start in life they need. It will make a phenomenal difference to your grandchild's life having a nice house with a nice garden and to your step daughter and her husband.

Having had a toddler living in a flat I can truly say it wasn't great. Thankfully we managed to buy a small house when DC1 was 3. I now own a large 3 bed house and my other kids have had a garden as a toddler. They loved it. They have a fabulous play area in a garden with a 6ft fence and padlocked gate. I have the knowledge of knowing my kids can run out play safely in their garden at any point.

You sound like an amazing parent to your step daughter and I am sure will be an amazing grand parent.

I would suggest they wait before heading for a 4 bed terrace house in London. There has just been a change of government and it is unclear what will happen to house prices. They have been soaring in London and become unaffordable for many. So I would advise to watch and wait...... I should add I live in London and my 28yr old son and his girlfriend are renting atm. They too are saving and waiting for a hopeful downturn in the market

This is a lovely idea . I’m sad for your stepdaughter ( actually I’m going to scrap that and say daughter as clearly you have been a mother to her , she lost her mother and it sounds like you have done her mother proud ). I’m sad for your daughter that your family are using terms like “ blood related “. Blood doesn’t mean that someone will mean more to you. Your niece and nephew have parents . If they had a house to give they would get it . You and her dad are your daughter’s parents and all she has . I think you would be doing the right thing.

I have a “ stepdaughter” . She’s an adult now. I was with her dad 2 years when she was little and her dad had full custody. Her mother is in her life but she always lived with her dad . When we split she was 4 and I had her regularly for her whole life , as though she was my own. She’s 21 now and still calls me mum . I do have my own children and a husband ( she was my maid of honour at my wedding when she was 15 ) but she is my child like my biological children are and would be treated the same when it came to assists etc . No one has ever dared say to me that she is not blood and I would shoot them down if they did. She’s my little girl .

I always say to her “ I didn’t carry you in my belly , I carried you in my heart instead “ ❤️

I would help her out, keep some aside for grandbaby, your grandma experience will be so much nicer if you have a guestroom x

You sound like a totally beautiful person. If you chose to do it that would be wonderful. But please protect your stepdaughter by making sure these funds are a gift to her that can be protected.

That’s incredible that you and DH are retired and have pensions which are as much as their take home pay (must be over £100,000) plus a mortgage free house!

Do you mind me asking how you managed that to pick up some tips please? (I know you have an NHS and a teacher’s pension but surely they would be nowhere near that sum).

I think it’s a lovely idea, you and your step daughter obviously think the world of each other! You do whatever you feel is right but you both sound lucky to have each other in your life! Good luck with the grandbaby. X

It's not your parents business frankly.

I can honestly say I never expected to inherit anything from anyone expect my parents (certainly not my child free aunts/uncles) and if I did I would expect it to be small tokens like jewellery or photos not money or property.

If you view step daughter as your then daughter trumps niece/nephew. If you had adopted a child would you parents refuse to accept them too? What if you had donor egg IVF? families are built in so many ways that 'blood' means nothing.