Giving house to step-daughter?

[IsMadl]

Hi all, I have one step-daughter, no biological children (could never have any). My step-daughter is 27, she got married last summer, and is expecting her first baby. Her dad and I got together when she was 10 (her mum passed away when she was 7), we married when she was 16 and have been together happily since.

Before her dad and I married I had a 3 bed semi, we live in the North but it recently got valued at £300,000. We have been renting it out since I moved in here 12 years ago. The money has funded mostly my pension and odds and ends here. I'm a primary teacher though so have a good pension as it is.

SD and her husband have been saving really hard for a house, they earn well, she in the civil service and he in finance, but they work in London and obviously it is expensive. She had about £150,000 from her mum (-uni costs, wedding costs etc.) and they are saving.
Currently the house I had is to be split between my niece and nephew when I die, the house I live in now will go to step-daughter when both dad and I pass.

To me my step-daughter is my own, I was never able to have children of my own and I think she is incredible, so smart, beautiful, funny and caring. I hate seeing her struggle to build the deposit for a nice house, in a nice area with a garden which is all she really wants. I've been thinking maybe it is time I sell the house and give her the profit, obviously it would up there deposit massively. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think she and her DH had earned it but they are lovely, kind, hardworking people.

I told my husband and he said that it would be a lovely thing to do but no pressure as it is mine. My mum and dad think it would be a horrendous idea.

AIBU to consider this?

OP, you sound like a fantastic stepmum. Your stepdaughter is lucky to have you. Your parents need to mind their own business.

This is a perfect example of why you never ever share the contents of your will or any financial details with anyone but your partner and even then I would say there are some cases where not advisable though a minority.

I would probably sell if I could afford to give all or most of the money away but really look at my own situation first. Half to SD and then 25% to each niece and nephew.

You could make a smaller gift of say 25k each to niece and nephew, 200k to stepdaughter and keep 50k for yourself.

Things to consider are - whether you are putting your own financial stability at risk (pensions don't go far, you get divorced etc), whether your SD has good financial sense (how much of the 150k has she got left, did she spend 20k on wedding vs 75k etc) and what happens if your SD gets divorced.

I agree with you. One concern I have is her parents leaking the original plan to the niece and nephew to cause conflict within the family. It shouldn’t stop OP but it’s something to think about and maybe plan for. Hopefully her parents will not stoop that low.

OP should also consider still gifting her niece and nephew something, maybe split it across 3 of them or something.

I suppose it depends on how much your niece and nephews have/will have. If they are set for a nice inheritance from their parents, fair enough. If not, I'd rethink.

I have a DSD who will inherit from both her dad and her mum. I also have 3 nieces who will not inherit from my sister. Therefore, half of our estate goes to my nieces.

I don’t agree that your blood relatives have any more rights over the house than your step daughter and tbh I don’t think it’s any of your families business anyway. you’ve looked after your SD for so many years surely you are closer to her

However
I wouldn’t sell it and give the money to her now as you have no idea what the future holds for you. What happens if you split from your dh, these things do happen.

Keep your house and leave it to your SD in your will. I wouldn’t tell anyone what’s in your will though it’s none of their business.

I would keep £50,000 for you, £50,000 each for niece and nephew and the remainder (minus fees) to SD.
That way you are matching what she already has.
I would also ask that any contribution is ring fenced so that in the event of a divorce she is protected.

I would sell and give her half the money, so £150,000 ish. Which is still a huge amount and you still have money for yourself if anything was to happen, divorce, needing major surgery (going private), lovely holidays, a better pension pot etc)

I thought you were going to say they were worried about your financial security which I could understand and empathize with, not this. Love is more important than being genetically related. Who's name is the house you currently live in in?

what about a three-way split (N, N, SD equal parts) or a two-way split (N/N 50, SD 50)

I would do this.

My husband is leaving money to my son (not his son).

My only concern is if your SD and her partner split. You wouldn't want him to have your money. Your SD needs to speak to her solicitor about this and ensure she gets the same percentage back that she puts into the house should they split.

Terrible idea. With inflation and cost of living you may need that asset to fund your retirement. Your step daughters husband works in finance - an industry known for stupidly high salaries and bonuses.

Also, your step daughter may one day divorce her husband and it would be nice if you sold the property then.

Right now her husband should be able to provide for their family.

It's a lovely thing what you want to do for your SD.

However, for your own security I would give her the house as inheritance until you pass away. Life is so unpredictable and everything can change in a second. Once you give her the money, there's no way back. What if you need an expensive treatment, surgery, etc? She wouldn't sell her house to help you.

If you needed a big spend, you could sell your house to fund it rather than the money you have on the house you live. I would give the house to the people you have a better relationship, whether that's your SD or niece/nephew.

You could easily have sold it and spent the money. There should be no expectation if you ring fencing an asset and feeling unable to access it. Do what you want. You can always reassure your parents that your niece and nephew will get something else instead.

Keep the house, you don't know what's around the corner. You might need that money for care for you and your husband

Madness to consider giving so much money away at this stage in your life.

Agree.

How old are you?
Far too early to be selling your house and giving away the money. You may need it in the future, you and DH may want early retirement, you might divorce your DH, stepD might divorce her DH!

She is only 27, and will be set up better than most with a husband in finance. You don’t need to worry about her. Most people her age can’t put down a 450k house deposit and that’s absolutely fine.

Ah you sound lovely, do what you want with your money

As it's a second home there will likely be some capital gains tax to pay on the sale, so just bear this in mind

Go for it

Your parents can jog on. Not their money, not their decision.
The only hesitation I have is about your financial independence. Could you compromise and give her half of the money instead? That'd be a massive amount in itself, plus what she already has.

My objection wouldn’t have anything to do with the SD, but unless you have a crystal ball, I absolutely wouldn’t be selling the house and parting with the profits. If you sold the house you could perhaps give your SD (and niece and nephew if you are close to them) a gift from that, but I’d be retaining at least 1/2 the profits after tax, in case life isn’t as smooth as hoped in the future.

I would be very concerned about what SD has done with with £150k she already had, and what what means for the inheritance. University fees and living costs could be £60-70k assuming a few hours of part time work topping up, then £5k-£10k on the wedding... what on earth has happened to the rest of it??? She should have a good deposit there of £70k minimum, but it sounds like she frittered it away? If she keeps getting money handed over, there will be no inheritance left. I really wouldn't hand even more money out without having it secured into an actual house purchase and would get solicitor advice to ensure the DH doesn't walk off with it in a divorce. She will get your current house also, so you should be more concerned about ensuring she learns how to save and spend wisely at this age rather than subsidising. You may also need the money for your care, so selling the house may make sense but you need to hold some back.

Whether or not you leave a bit to niece and nephew is entirely up to you. Your parents obviously view them differently as close family to them, but you can't manufacture feelings for relatives and it's fair enough to not feel that kinship. As you are unlikely to die before your parents, it isn't clear why you are discussing this with them. If you want their views then listen, and if not don't ask for their input. Bit late perhaps now, but you could fudge it as saying you've had a rethink and set it all out fairly in your will. Then just stop talking about it!

As PPs have said, do not sacrifice your security and what sounds like your sole asset besides your pension - you don't know what you might need it for in the future and can will it to your SD if you want her to have it. She does not need to buy a house right now, she and her husband are young, and it sounds like they will have good purchasing power in the future. If you had the money going spare I'd say to do it, but it sounds like you'd be giving away an awful lot of your net worth which leaves you very vulnerable. Not sensible.

5 to 10k would be extremely cheap for a wedding these days.

I was counting half a wedding, as she has a DH you would expect to pay half too. Unless he's living off her money, which is a different concern.

100% your parents have told your N & N parents your original plan.
They know it is going to potentially cause a stink