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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's ok to holiday the summer before 11+?

109 replies

ElevenPlusOrHoliday · 01/07/2024 13:04

DS is due to take the 11+ the second week of September. DH has been working through prep books with him since last autumn, but they still have quite a bit to get through. They haven't finished the books and still need to take practice tests.

Usually, over the summer holiday, we visit my parents in the states for a week. DS absolutely adores his grandparents and looks forward to the trip all year.

DH thinks we should cancel this year to concentrate on 11+ instead. DS will be heartbroken.

It's also true that the secondary school we think likely will best fit DS is a nearby grammar school that is usually oversubscribed, so to get in, he would need to do reasonably well on the 11+. And, the nearby non-grammar school seems like it really, really would not suit him well.

I don't know what to do. DH thinks that if I take DS on holiday, I might be ruining his future. I understand, but also think that 1.5 weeks of lost study shouldn't be that critical.

YABU = Skip holiday this year, 11+ is more important
YANBU = Take DS on holiday

OP posts:
dangermouseisace · 01/07/2024 18:07

It sounds like your son has done enough. If your kid is bright enough they do not need all that pressure, and actually, maybe it is counterproductive? They’ve got to want to succeed for themselves, not feel punished and pushed by their parents.
I say this as someone who is poor so was not bothered about too much practicing, definitely no tutoring. And my kids all got into oversubscribed grammars. Let him have fun!

Apolloneuro · 01/07/2024 18:15

Bibbetybobbity · 01/07/2024 15:57

@AngryBird6122 if a kid was training for an elite sport, 2 hours a day for a set period of time probably wouldn’t be that outrageous (albeit in my sports analogy the kid would need rest days). The 11+ is a hard exam, it does require intensive prep, that’s just the reality for most. I find it odd how we’re collectively so outraged at the 11+ prep but wouldn’t be getting so riled if it was a sports selection.

Oh- and the competitive non-revisors (not a word!) make me laugh.

OP I’d compromise, as others have said, and take the books, agree an amount beforehand and use the journey time to balance out any days that aren’t really possible. 3 decent sessions over a week would really keep your ds ticking over, so it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. And good luck, it’s a massive slog, but worth it in my opinion.

I disagree. I don’t think people would agree that a child missed a holiday to continue training in a sport.

CeciliaMars · 01/07/2024 18:22

I am an 11+ tutor. There is a middle ground! Take some practice books with you and do 30 mins a day, sign up to an online 11+ subscriptions service, and if he has a tutor, see if they'll offer online lessons for that couple of weeks!

thisishowitisyousee · 01/07/2024 18:41

Absolutely ridiculous situation.

AngryBird6122 · 03/07/2024 09:27

Bibbetybobbity · 01/07/2024 15:57

@AngryBird6122 if a kid was training for an elite sport, 2 hours a day for a set period of time probably wouldn’t be that outrageous (albeit in my sports analogy the kid would need rest days). The 11+ is a hard exam, it does require intensive prep, that’s just the reality for most. I find it odd how we’re collectively so outraged at the 11+ prep but wouldn’t be getting so riled if it was a sports selection.

Oh- and the competitive non-revisors (not a word!) make me laugh.

OP I’d compromise, as others have said, and take the books, agree an amount beforehand and use the journey time to balance out any days that aren’t really possible. 3 decent sessions over a week would really keep your ds ticking over, so it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. And good luck, it’s a massive slog, but worth it in my opinion.

I don't think that's comparable. Does the child enjoy the sport? Do they want to do two hours a day?

Does the OPs child want this that badly? Do they want to/enjoy the two hours a day of academic study?

AngryBird6122 · 03/07/2024 09:32

WestminsterCrimes · 01/07/2024 15:51

People saying 'if he needs this much prep he won't cope at a grammar' clearly don't live in a grammar area! The fact that there are a significant number of incredibly hard working families who prep to insane levels has upped the standard for everyone. You now need to have covered all of the Y6 syllabus in Y5 and you need to be fast and accurate too. In our area the Asian families generally get about 4 years ahead in maths and this is a constant source of amazement to me. I literally don't know how they do it.

I would still take the holiday but I'd be doing 2 hours a day while there. I think more than 2 hours starts to get detrimental but maybe that's why my child isn't one of the 4 years ahead bunch.

@WestminsterCrimes oh yes, clearly!

(lives in the grammar hotspot of the uk, two kids in grammar, neither of them did 2 hours a day. Yes they prepped, yes I allowed them to have a couple of weeks off COMPLETELY in the summer to play and chill and just forget about it because it's not the bee all, and no, I wouldn't have pushed them. Poor kids)

Can't believe people saying have the holiday but do some every day while there. Why not just do some the rest of the summer holidays but let him have a complete break for that time? I just don't get it. He will be burnt out come the day of the test - we stopped any study whatsoever the week or so before the test so mine were happy and relaxed, not tired and stressed. But... each to their own

Original poster
ElevenPlusOrHoliday · 14/10/2024 14:35

Just to update... In the end, we went on holiday. DS did a small amount of 11+ study each day, just to stay in practice, and he passed.

OP posts:
whatafaf · 14/10/2024 21:09

Congratulations to your DS and hope you all enjoyed your holiday.

TorroFerney · 15/10/2024 08:50

ElevenPlusOrHoliday · 14/10/2024 14:35

Just to update... In the end, we went on holiday. DS did a small amount of 11+ study each day, just to stay in practice, and he passed.

What good news, this was our model a few years ago and it worked.

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