To think it's ok to holiday the summer before 11+?

[ElevenPlusOrHoliday]

DS is due to take the 11+ the second week of September. DH has been working through prep books with him since last autumn, but they still have quite a bit to get through. They haven't finished the books and still need to take practice tests.

Usually, over the summer holiday, we visit my parents in the states for a week. DS absolutely adores his grandparents and looks forward to the trip all year.

DH thinks we should cancel this year to concentrate on 11+ instead. DS will be heartbroken.

It's also true that the secondary school we think likely will best fit DS is a nearby grammar school that is usually oversubscribed, so to get in, he would need to do reasonably well on the 11+. And, the nearby non-grammar school seems like it really, really would not suit him well.

I don't know what to do. DH thinks that if I take DS on holiday, I might be ruining his future. I understand, but also think that 1.5 weeks of lost study shouldn't be that critical.

YABU = Skip holiday this year, 11+ is more important
YANBU = Take DS on holiday

A holiday to your parents shouldn’t impact the study schedule. We went to India to see family during DSD’s 11+ prep and she still studied 2 hours daily. Because it’s family. We just made time for it at 7am every morning so the rest of our day was free.

Another who thinks that if he can't have a week off in the summer then maybe it's not the right school for him.
Will he have to work every holiday up to GCSEs as well?
I probably wouldn't do a 6 week road trip, but one week in one place, where he could even do a bit of practice every day anyway (or do lots of reading) would not even register with me as being a problem.

It's 1st July, the 11+ is 2nd week in Sept - your son hasn't finished the prep books and hasn't started the practice tests ?!!!

Gosh ! when is it envisaged he will finish the books ?
never mind the practice tests - are they being saved for the weekend before.

You really need to think hard if this school is for your son, if he has been preparing since the Autumn

How will he cope with the lessons every day for the next 5 / 7 years ?!!!
is he going to be having a tutor daily/weekly to keep up.

Is DH coming on this trip with you and ds ? surely he can pack some of the prep books ( or maybe they will actually be completed by then ! ) and can do an hour a day ( maybe before Dinner ?) with him on practice tests.

Ofc everyone is right and poor lad should go on holiday

but be prepared, if he fails you ll be blamed

DH needs to be realistic seems he has no bloody clue !

Definitely go on holiday and don’t get him to do 11+ work that week. If he can’t do well enough with a week off then a grammar isn’t the right place for him. The summer before 11+, DD did one practice paper a week, other than the two weeks holiday. She got into the grammar of her choice. She was one of only two in her y7 class who hadn’t had a professional tutor, and many of them then had to have tutoring throughout secondary to keep up. Is that what you want for your DS?

Let the poor boy have a holiday.

Your DH is working him too hard. Does he have really high expectations?

My DD had a few weeks off in the summer before the 11+. My thought was that if she was good enough for a grammar then she would pass no matter what. She didn’t get a high enough score but only by a few marks and you know what she got really high GCSE’s and on track for 4 A* at A level so she didn’t need a grammar.

What will be will be.

Too much pressure on kids these days

You need to advocate for your Son

My daughter sat the 11 plus last September and we went away for a week and she passed. Try and get your son to do some of the work in the morning as others have suggested. He does need a break as well. On holiday we did some days and some days she did nothing but play with friends (we went in a large group). Even during the rest of the summer holidays she did an hour and a half every morning and the rest of the day was hers and there was no revision on the weekends. I was worried about burnout too.

As has been said, if your child needs such intensive extra coaching, it’s very probable that he is not the best fit for grammar school. If you’re doing this now, it means that you’ll likely have to carry on with extra prep the whole time he’s at school.

Not everyone thrives at grammar school and for some, even if they’re able, it’s miserable. The pressure is relentless and that does no good for their self esteem.

It will be a miserable 5 or 7 years if he is so pressurised during that time.

I can’t believe you’re even questioning taking him away.

This much pressure could lead to considerable burn out and mental health issues in the future.

For goodness sake.

Is there a cultural expectation on getting to a grammar?

unfortunately a lot of people have the wrong information that a grammar school is the only school worth going to in this country.

I hope your DH isn't saying this because he either doesn't want to go on holiday or will blame you if your DS doesn't pass.
Agree with others who say do the practice whilst on holiday.

This is exactly what I was going to say!

I took 11 plus 30 years ago - there were tutors and we had no practice. The brightest kids went to grammar school, even though I was one of the brightest at my grammar I was outshone daily by exceptional girls.

My best friend is head of year at the same grammar now and she said I wouldn’t believe how many kids are struggling - they have been over tutored to pass the test and cannot cope with the speed of the work. Lots of them now rely on tutors in addition to school just to keep up.

if a week or two off would means he “fails” the believe me it’s not the right school for him

You are absolutely mad to even consider not going on holiday.

also I know of quite a few bright kids who should have passed who didn’t as nerves got the better of them. Please don’t put so much pressure on him

Edit there were NO tutors

Isn't a long haul flight a great place to get a bit of study in as it's boring, dead time?

If he used the journey there and back he could have a decent break and still do some.

Perhaps he'll need to be a bit more intensive in the run up but with the promise of proper time off because that is really important.

No one is saying don't prep and practice.

But if you can't take a week or two off in the summer holidays because they are that behind or whatever, then no...

2 HOURS DAILY 😮

Poor kid will be locked in a box by year 9 onwards so there's absolutely no chance of him failing 🙄

Please take him on holiday! Hes a kid who wants to see his grandparents. Your DH is being very mean. But surely if he has to study for a year for this test, even if he gets in he will struggle to manage when he starts there.

And threads like this make me so pleased we live in a county with NO grammar schools. Everyone here goes to secondary school and get to be kids for that bit longer!!

This!!!

Like others we went (never occurred not to) but did an hour of study a day. Now must caveat that we were in the very fortunate position of being relaxed as to whether she got in or not as we had a good plan b.

This shouldn’t even be a topic of conversation. If he’s going to struggle so much then he’ll struggle at grammar school.
Just ensure he does 30 minutes a day after breakfast or something.
Poor lad - so much pressure!

We did an hour a day on a 2 week cruise, while the other DC went to kids club.

Jesus I didn't even realise people go to these lengths with their kids. Pushing parenting at its finest. If the kid is bright he will go far with or without a holiday.

YANBU and I say that as a parent who has been through it. We went away for 2 weeks at the start of the holidays and didn’t do anything then but worked hard for rest of time. However if they have got through the syllabus yet they do need to speed up and dedicate some good time whilst at home. If you want l offer something to pacify Dh then I would get a few of CGP’s 10 minute tests and do a few on each flight.

If CGP do the type of exam he is sitting them I highly recommend their timed papers - with an online audio track. Doing a bunch of these in the month before the exam really helped improved marks and being able to work within tight timings.

Absolutely this. Let him have a holiday!