To think it's ok to holiday the summer before 11+?

[ElevenPlusOrHoliday]

DS is due to take the 11+ the second week of September. DH has been working through prep books with him since last autumn, but they still have quite a bit to get through. They haven't finished the books and still need to take practice tests.

Usually, over the summer holiday, we visit my parents in the states for a week. DS absolutely adores his grandparents and looks forward to the trip all year.

DH thinks we should cancel this year to concentrate on 11+ instead. DS will be heartbroken.

It's also true that the secondary school we think likely will best fit DS is a nearby grammar school that is usually oversubscribed, so to get in, he would need to do reasonably well on the 11+. And, the nearby non-grammar school seems like it really, really would not suit him well.

I don't know what to do. DH thinks that if I take DS on holiday, I might be ruining his future. I understand, but also think that 1.5 weeks of lost study shouldn't be that critical.

YABU = Skip holiday this year, 11+ is more important
YANBU = Take DS on holiday

Of course the lad needs a holiday. If he really needs that much extra work, will he cope with the work in the grammar? I personally feel that every kid should take the 11+ type of exam, but when I see the pressure kids are under from parents and schools I sometimes doubt it's effectiveness.

How will your husband react if he does badly. Failing at 11 doesn't ruin your life. I went to one of the worst schools academically in the city, only one of my year went to uni at 18. However when I meet old school friends most have done well, several of us including me retired in their 50s. A couple are multi millionaires.

Good god. He's a little kid. No test is so important he can't have a day off.

Last summer we spent 6 weeks in Europe, mostly just chilling out. In the last couple of weeks I did a small section of a practice paper with my son some mornings, so probably around 20 mins every couple of days. My mum also did some verbal reasoning with him and my dad some of the nonverbal reasoning the week they came out to join us. I estimate they spent 3 hours in total. I was very conscious of wanting him to be familiar with how the questions work as it was not something they had done at school and it can take a bit of practice especially with the nonverbal reasoning, but also not putting any pressure on him because (i) I didn't want him to feel anxious and (ii) I only wanted him to go to grammar if he was naturally of the right ability as i dont want him struggling. As it happened he really enjoyed the tests and sailed through with scores in the 130s. So my advice is - definitely go on holiday, have a wonderful summer, do enough work so he is familiar with the test format and don't stress/put too much pressure on

Seriously, if missing a week of practice means he won't make the cut, then grammar school isn't for him and he will be miserable struggling to keep up.

Do not cancel the holiday! We were on holiday with family last year and a relative was gearing up for the 11+. They just did a few practice tests over the course of the holiday. Half an hour a day or whatever. It was fine.

I will admit that I'm in Ireland and there is no 11 plus here, but this is utterly bonkers. He is far too young for this much pressure. Your husband has his priorities completely wrong and I feel very sorry for your son.

Jeez, he's a bloody child. Let him have a sodding holiday.

Poor kid. That's so much pressure on a child.

I'm from a region of England where there's no 11+ either, and when I moved to a different area I was absolutely horrified to see the amount of pressure people put on their children over it. It's awful.

Absolutely take him on holiday, sounds like he's working bloody hard, if needed surely he can do a little work here and there while on holiday?

Not in a grammar area and thank goodness for that if this is what people do.

Let your son be a kid.

Both of ours studied a bit each day while on holiday. It would be very unfair to deny them a holiday imo

My kids are all in these types of schools but I would never ever dream of denying them a week’s break. This is crazy! Also you need to tell him how bonkers this is. Your child will likely perform better for having a decent rest and fun with the family. What’s he going to expect when they have public exams? It’s just not a healthy attitude.

I’m always a bit baffled that people on here stop going on holiday when their kids are doing their GCSE’s because they shouldn’t be studying, I can’t believe this is even a consideration for the 11+ 😱

If he can't have a week off, then as people have said, he will struggle to cope once there.
And then you set an example for mid year exams, GCSEs, A-levels etc. at this rate you'll never go away again.

I would ignore the "if he needs that much support he won't get on there anyway" comments.

The 11+ is a different beast than it used to be. It's not linked to the curriculum so pupils need to be a year ahead in content. There are also a lot of exam skills needed to learn that most primary schools don't cover - which questions to choose first, what to do if you are running out of time, tips and tricks for certain types of question etc.

Pretty much everyone has tutoring too which pushes up the required test result. You don't just need to pass it to get into most grammars, you need to get well beyond the pass mark.

But holiday is v important so he doesn't burn out and flunk it due to stress.

Having been through the joy of the 11+ twice yes take him on holiday !

It’s one week though maybe go at the start of the break rather than the end if possible

Protect your child. This is absolute madness. Your child is who your child is and what he’s is capable of is what he is capable of. This amount of Coaching for 11plus is madness. The pressure here is incredibly damaging. Please don’t allow your dh to do this to your child.

Definitely go on the holiday, and def tell your DH to massively take the pressure off. Poor child, he's doing his best, I feel like he'll be so upset if he doesn't pass the exam. School doesn't matter, my DH went to a rubbish school, didn't finish A levels and has a very well paid professional job. DS childhood and family is so much more important.

Bonkers.

Like most of the UK we don't have the 11 plus thank goodness..... And I wouldn't have moved to a grammar school area because of this.

He gets one go at summer holidays as a 10 year old and you want to spend it cramming for an exam..... Which he may not pass anyway!
Go on holiday and consider moving to an area with truly comprehensive schools ( only slightly joking) and letting him enjoy his childhood without all this pressure

Go on holiday and don't take the books. Let the poor kid relax.

It's your husbands dream for your son to go to the Grammar School, hence he is putting to much pressure on your son.
I have seen children pressured with tutoring and they did not get a selected place anyway. They did feel failures.
I don't disagree with Grammar Schools I had one who went, and one who did not. Its parents like your husband who give parents of Grammer School children a bad name, as people are saying that children don't get into Grammar school without tutoring.

Do you think that one week off will make the difference? He needs rest and relaxation as well. Let him have the week off.

Yes I agree with pp. if your son needs that's much revision to pass - he may find the work at the school too challenging anyway. A bit of revision is helpful but don't make him slog for the whole 6 weeks. As an aside my daughter didn't pass her 11plus and even if she had I wouldn't have sent her to a grammar school as deaf she went to a mainstream secondary with a hearing impairment unit she still passed all her GCSES and is doing A-Levels now. Let him enjoy his holiday - a happy summer with lots of memories is what childhood should be about.

Take the holiday! He needs a rest and his relaxed and refreshed body and mind will be in a better position to learn and retain information than cramming every day all summer long. So much pressure at age 10/11.