To envy friends with older children

[Noisytrain]

I know this would sound silly but I have started to envy my friends who have older children than ours.
For context, I am currently pregnant and have a 2 yo DS. I just turned 35 and had my first one at 31. I have friends who are late thirties but their DC are going to start secondary school this year and another one in primary school. I envy them because it feels like they have easy lives with bit more time as DC are bit independent now while I am still going to be looking after toddler and newborn. Most days I am utterly exhausted and massively regret not having DC earlier in late 20s but then again I wasn't even sure until 30 if we wanted any DC. Overall I have a decent life with helpful DH and adorable DC who I going through terrible 2s, though we have no family to support us with childcare etc, which makes it quite hard but I should just get on and accept my reality in life and carry on I guess.

I'm similar to you. Had my first at 31, and my second a week before my 36th birthday. I'm now just turned 37 with 6 year old and 1 year old. But most of my friends kids are same age or younger. We're in the thick of it right now but they will get older!! We'll be older too but not totally past it :)

I do understand. It feels at the time like it will never end. But my daughter is 24 now and I would so love to spend one more day with my needly, cuddly little one.

Don't envy them. I actually sometimes hanker after how simple it was when my DC were younger. It gets much harder as they get older in many ways, although some things like not having to carry them is easier physically. But mentally it is tough.

My DC have SEN so not as independent as their peers either.

It is silly. You have all these stages and fantastic joys to come. Those who have past these stages may well be the envious ones. Just enjoy it.

Your kids will get there. You’re just deep in the trenches right now. Leave the kiddos with hubby and take a morning/afternoon/evening then reciprocate for him.

plus you’re pregnant and dealing with a toddler. Probably the hardest time in your life.

those friends are missing the baby stage you’re in, if they ask if they can help - give them the toddler and RUN. lol. They will love it, and be exhausted, and think you are a superwoman.

and the ‘helpful’ family could be monsters in laws!

I think how your feeling is very valid and ok to feel that way , whatever age you have children it’s hard going everyone is sold the “ rainbows and unicorns “ of having a baby when the realism is as much as you love your children and would go the ends of the earth for them you just hit burnout . I had my first son a month before my 20th and my second son when I was 33 , I can honestly say both children and ages that I’ve had them have been challenging in their own way no way better or worse .

Your probably having all the “ feels “ at the moment as your pregnant and you’ll have your good days and bad days . Hang in there you’ve got this 💙

I think when they are small IS the easy time.

When they are small you can solve most of their problems and you know where they are all the time.

When they are teenagers, it's way harder - and you miss the baby stages MASSIVELY

Dont wish it away - you will regret that

I agree

I don't get why you are having children if you are already wishing their childhood away.

I think you’ve unfairly had a few unsympathetic replies.
You are at such a hard stage, it’s relentless and it feels never ending. I get it, I really do. I remember thinking similar, I’d go to a play date or a softplay or the park with friends and feel like I was the only one that didn’t get to sit down, and it felt like everyone just got to sit and chat and enjoy coffee and had it much easier.
I promise it gets easier. There are new challenges of course, no stage of parenting is easy, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, it becomes less full on.
And ironically your friends are probably looking at you thinking wow I miss them being that little.
The days are long but the years are short, you’ll blink and realise one day it’s getting that little bit easier.
keep going mama 💪🏼

Thanks for your kind response @Onlygirlinthegaff

I am not wishing my DC's childhood away. After reading the responses from the people on the other side, I have started cherishing these days more as I can see how the days can feel longer but they go so quickly. Thanks for all the kind responses.

I had a brief moment earlier of feeling envious of Angela Rayner for similar reasons! She’s not too much older than me and has a grand child, as well as an incredible career, and is obviously about to start her new gig as deputy PM! I find her inspirational and am so pleased how well she’s doing but am also quite envious that she got the early years out of the way so early (especially after today hearing that my childcare plans for the summer have been cancelled!) I have two very small children and am just too tired to care about my career! Might also be too ancient to ever meet my grandkids! Should have cracked on earlier perhaps.

I’m envious of you. My daughter is 10 and yes, life is much easier now, but I would've given anything for her to have a sibling and would have gone through the having both a toddler and a newborn stage to achieve that (it was not possible due to health problems unfortunately, after many years of trying). It is exhausting when they’re young but it does better I promise. Please don’t wish it all away and enjoy the cuddles.

My experience is that I’m in my mid 40s and my children are 13&17yrs, I’m also a single parent. Over the years it’s been tough and money has always been an issue. My siblings who up till now have been supportive but more from a distance have also been having a nice grown up life. And yes sometimes I really wished I could swap places with them.

These days, my children are still hardwork as teens are but are far more independent and can be left. My brother and his wife, are both over 40 and are 10 days away from having there first baby. They have more money than I did when I had my first baby and a nice family home, and have been married for a few years. I can now see that there isn’t an ideal age to have children. I’m pretty sure it’s going to go through there heads they should have done it earlier when they see my kids and I’m pretty sure it’s going to remind me of the baby days and just how much I miss them now they are gone.

I absolutely can’t wait to spoil my new niece and do all the fun stuff all over again when she’s old enough, I’m pretty sure my brother and his wife are going to need the odd weekend off too.

Age 8-11 before hormones take over are the best. I’m kidding sort of. All ages are are a complete labor of love. Being mum is hard and yet, amazing. At all ages. Enjoy.

They didn’t give birth to teenagers tho did they? They all went through the same struggles as every other person that has young kids. Yours won’t be young forever.

I thought I’d misheard when they said she had a grandchild!

Why? Is there something strange about having a grandchild?

the early years are physically difficult, Op, but they dont last forever. i found the pre-school years slow, but as soon as they started primary school, the years flew by.

Don't forget, what you are going through now, your friends have already gone though.

Had mine at 26, 29, 37 and 42. It was easier when I was older, more mature I guess and little things and some big just didn't bother me anymore!
That toddler and baby age is hard work no matter what age you are!

Where was that said? I thought I’d misheard because she doesn’t look old enough to be a grandmother!

I believe she's in her mid 40s

AR had her DD at 16 & then her DD had her DC at 16 also - can't say that's anything I ever thought i'd hear someone aspire to!

Anyway Op, it is tough but agree about trying to cherish it (as much as that's possible!) as the days are long but the years really do fly by!

I had 1 at 22 and then one @ 25
then 2 more at 30 and 31 so I’ve now got 2 adults (23 &19) at 45 and a 13 and 14 year old and the days I’d go back to having toddlers and babies, it’s easier in some ways op but harder in other ways. Enjoy this stage because you know where they are at all times and as much as it can be tough it’s also lovely and the cuddles and time you spend with them is amazing. Then you get teens who are just urgh at times don’t want to cuddle you and just drive you mad. Mine have all been ok youngest has Sen and I miss the baby days they seems so much more laid back for some reason. That time will come for you don’t rush it by enjoy those lovely newborn cuddles and toddler baths ❤️