To envy friends with older children

[Noisytrain]

I know this would sound silly but I have started to envy my friends who have older children than ours.
For context, I am currently pregnant and have a 2 yo DS. I just turned 35 and had my first one at 31. I have friends who are late thirties but their DC are going to start secondary school this year and another one in primary school. I envy them because it feels like they have easy lives with bit more time as DC are bit independent now while I am still going to be looking after toddler and newborn. Most days I am utterly exhausted and massively regret not having DC earlier in late 20s but then again I wasn't even sure until 30 if we wanted any DC. Overall I have a decent life with helpful DH and adorable DC who I going through terrible 2s, though we have no family to support us with childcare etc, which makes it quite hard but I should just get on and accept my reality in life and carry on I guess.

YANBU, it's far easier having older children (in my experience) my DS is 16 and the teen years have been great. I met my cousin and her toddler last week and it was exhausting!

Every age and stage is different. Tbh teenager stage is the most stressful whilst the baby stage the easiest apart from lack of sleep. Yabu. Enjoy the stage you in now. They only young for such a short time

I look at people with young children and wish mine were still that age..the teenage years are a million times worse than back then. Yes I have more freedom but the mental stress is significantly more.

Be careful what you wish for. Teenagers are no walk in the park.

I’m 40 with a 17 and 15 year old. I had someone say to me I was lucky because they are older and well mannered.
I had to laugh and ask them if they thought I’d squeezed them out fully grown and coherent!

Don't envy us. Never again will we read a bedtime story or push them on a swing or scoop them up in our arms.

This clip always makes me cry...

"You don't parent one child. You parent a baby, a toddler, a primary schooler, a teenager, an adult... and they all add up to the same name, they all call you mum. But you don't notice the inflection point when one morphs into the next. You never get to properly say goodbye to all the little people who grow up..." 🥺

I was a teen mum and my eldest is now 22, youngest is 14. Life is much easier now, still a lot of support and time spent with my girls. I'm finding I can now focus on my career with the knowledge that there won't be any need for mat leave, sorting out childcare etc - all that crap I did for years, endless juggling just to get to work so we could stay afloat. Honesty now I don't think I'd have the energy for babies/toddlers and I'm glad I did when I was younger. I've still been to uni twice, I've just never been able to have a carefree existence that being child free allows. My DSis has just had another baby (she's late 30s) and I must admit to feeling a bit smug that mine are older now. Teen years were NOT a walk in the park (stuff of nightmares), my sis will be dealing with all that when she's 50+! However, over the years when I've been tied down with mine I've been envious of people who haven't started families yet so I guess it swings both ways!

It is easier when they are older, but then mine have all been easy teens, not rude in the slightest of Kevin the teen behaviour. I had my first at 16, last at 31. My brother had his girls in his early 20’s but has had a son at 48 with his new wife, they are both exhausted. It is harder when you’re older but enjoy the early years, they are lovely at that age, but yes hard work

The newborn/toddler years are incredibly exhausting. Once you’re through the other side the primary school/early secondary years are a delight. They’ve done their hard years whilst you had the freedom of no children, and your easier years are just around the corner - meanwhile they’ll be in the trenches with teenagers, which can be a whole different challenge.

You envy people who have to spend less time with the children they chose to produce 😭🙄 Deary me.

I have teens, I miss my toddlers 😂

I had two boys under two, in my early thirties, very hard work, but honestly it goes in a flash. My two are 23 and 21, they were very easy teens, DS2 was a very high needs, discontented baby, the first 7mths were hell tbh, and the reason a 3rd was totally off the cards. But it does get easier and they grow up quick.

Well I always remember my dear nan when I said to her when I was pregnant that I am just realising I have to look after someone else for the next 18 years and she said 'No darling, it's for life'. I know how you feel though as I had mine at 30 and 35 and often think it would have been easier to have them younger, but then the vrass is always greener and those early years are hard whatever age you are it brings challenges.

It’s hard work whatever age you’re at. I’m 50 and mine are almost 17 and 13, there are plenty of people having them much later than that. Those years are hard work up till teen years, after that you get other hard things to deal with. Having children is no holiday camp!

They probably envy your little ones and you being pregnant! Each stage has its pros and cons including older children and all the problems that brings. The sleepless stage will pass, but enjoy your babies while they remind young ❤️❤️

This made me cry, so touching 🥺

I had my first just before I turned 20, second at 26 and third just before my 30th. Instead of the ‘ease’ of a 10yo and nearly 4yo, I’ve thrown a baby in the mix again.

I know it’s hard at the moment but try not to wish this time away. It feels like minutes ago that I was cuddling my first baby. DH and I are definitely done having children (bring on the vasectomy!) so I am trying to just enjoy every stage with DS rather than be upset it’s my last or count down to easier times.

As it is, my 10yo has times of not being easy. We’re now dealing with technology issues, homework, endless clubs, attitude, hormones… My parents would probably argue that my sister and I aren’t easy now and we’re 30 and 33!

That was their reality too, it’s the case for everyone who has kids. The likelihood is that they were envying you while they were looking after young kids and you never had any to worry about. It is exhausting, but I don’t think it matters whether you do it at 20 or 30. Enjoy your time with them as time goes so quickly. Everyone says that it does, but you don’t listen. I certainly never and now have an 18 year old who is out most nights no longer needing his Mum!

See I much much prefer teenagers to small kids. My own kids and their friends were good company as teens. Full of ideas ( some a bit pie in the sky ) plans and interesting chat.

I think it’s just exhausting no matter what age you are. If you decide to have them young then you also need to work extra hard to make sure you aren’t left behind your peers career and financials wise. We had our dc at 23 and 25 and remember at one point I was working, doing a MA and renovating a house around looking after young children. True I had more energy for it all than I would have now I’m in my forties but it was still knackering. Life is a bit more peaceful these days! And your days like this will come too!

I disagree. Up to the age of 5 things got incrementally easier every 3-4 months here. When I had 2 under 2 I was constantly feeding, nappy changing, supervising. When one was potty trained life became easier. When the next one was potty trained, life became easy. They became able to get a cup of water independently and dress themselves. Once they start school you get to keep a bigger chunk of your wages. If you are part time, you might get some time when you aren't at work but the children in school (take out holidays, insets and strikes and it works out as not many, but still some).
You do lose evening time with your partner once they stop needing lots of sleep but it isn't as relentless as toddlers!

I'm confused why you are pregnant with another but don't seem to be enjoying having small children. Teenagers are far more stressful tbh. This is the easy part

Depends what your teens are like. I find parenting a teen far easier than a toddler.

Little kids have littler problems, but god they can be hard work! Under wants are harder in a different way. Hang on in there.

I think teenagers are harder work. For context I do also have a 4 year old (who is mentally more like a 2 year old) so it's not a case of rose tinted glasses.
I'm sure if you talk to your friends with older kids they will tell you it's hard at every stage, just different worries. My eldest is nearly 18 and I still worry about her and have had some pretty major issues with her.