Staying at home with kids IS a contribution and it is also WORK

[carshaker]

A lot of people don't respect a mum who's ' just at home '. Like she's not really contributing to the family.

The reality is though, that it's very much a big contribution, even if it's not financial.

If you took away the financial risk of staying home long term, what's the issue with it? Why is it considered by many ( especially women ), less than ?

If this is a woman's choice, what's the issue ?

I’m sure you’ll be perfect for your job, once you bother to get one. Enjoy.

It definately is a full-time job in the younger years. Running the home, entertaining little ones, often juggling a toddler and baby or more. I did it with no extra help and my DH works extremely long hours. Being a SAHM worked best for our family situation and i’ve seen for myself how exhausting being a SAHM can be (and how totally lovely too and how lucky I felt to have the option when lots don’t).

However, I do think by school age it is important for women (who have stayed at home) to get back into work. I think staying fully off work during school years would negatively impact future career prospects. I think alot of employers are understanding of parents wanting reduced hours when the kids are very young, childcare is expensive, parents wanting time with them. If I was an employer interviewing someone who had stayed at home all through the primary school years, I I would probably question why they didn’t want to work whilst their kids were out all week (most schools offer at least 8am-4pm, sometimes longer).

I was replying to “Any sahp should pay NI and have a pension”, there is no point in someone with a child under 12 paying voluntary ni they don’t gain anything. They can of course choose to pay personal pension contributions and would gain from thst

A SAHM is definitely contributing to the family and it is difficult but I don't think it'd work in the same way as having a job.

If you'd rather go to work then why don't you do that?

@DallasCC so if you don't have kids you don't have to cook,clean or look after their garden?

Is nothing simply part of being a functional, normal adult?

It’s also beneficial for young children to have a parent at home when they’re at school so they can be dropped off and collected by a parent, not to mention the fact the SAHM is able to cook proper meals, look after children when they’re ill rather than shoving them off to school when they feel crap and letting them infect others.

This is just getting silly. Working parents do all of these things.

Exactly

No it certainly wasn't my plan. I had no choice but to sacrifice my career whereas I'd always been the breadwinner previously.

But I'm not sure it's that rare though. 3 of my friends have had the same outcome. Again not wealthy by any means. Average incomes.

Tell me about it. It's tough and you end up drifting to sleep in seconds. Absolutely shattered every day. Then you wake up to do it all again.

It's still work. Which was my point.

Some people need to denigrate the choices of others to feel good about themselves. We should all just be happy we are making the best choice we can for our families.

I really don’t understand what got you so rude in the first place.

do you know what it is like to work with a primary school aged child? No. well I do. And it was bloody hard work. That was the hardest time, by miles.

all I did was share my experience and your response was so rude and tetchy.

I don't think anyone said it was the only measure, I was just sharing a study where an impact had been measured. Have there been studies into other impacts? It would be interesting to have evidence of a wide range of effects, and unless we have the evidence we can't really make assumptions about what is or isn't beneficial. Do we have evidence that working parents Vs non-working have an impact on relationships, mental wellbeing, or physical health? Opinion is not the same as evidence.

My being at home with the kids has enabled my husband to progress much further in his career and I'm happy with that. If I had stayed working in the profession I was in before having children we would have had to move house every few years to a completely different area, he is in a job where you really need to consistently be in one place to reap the benefits. He earns a huge amount more which benefits us all as a family than he would be if he kept having to start from scratch every few years. We save money as I have time to meal prep properly and look after kids without having to take time off work. It works for us. If anything was to happen to us as a couple I have 2 good professions with many benefits I can fall back into easily and that would definitely take me back on. I'm not worried at all things can change of course in a marriage but I feel like I'm strong enough and have enough behind me to pick myself up if I had to plus a loving, close family who I am in no doubt would help and support. Not everyone has that though I know. That's not for everyone but it works for us. At some point I will go back to work full time but for now I'm happy doing a bit of admin for husband and being at home with the kids. I'm also aware that I'm fortunate that he pays a good amount into a private personal pension for me every month too so I'm not missing out on that front, again maybe something to consider of you are stay at home.

Those studies are flawed though. Because you don’t know what the bitcoin for the same children would have been if the parent did the opposite.

Thats why people can only do what they feel is right at the time. And your success or failure as a parent hinges on far more than staying at home or working.

You will never know wether things would have been better or worse if you made a different choice.

Well I do actually as I’ve worked in nurseries and primary schools for 15 years.

Whilst NOT having a kid yourself.

I think I would have found SAHM easier too. As an SAHM you don’t have performance management reviews, office politics, commuting, deadlines, boring meetings, team building events etc etc

I have to say, it's normally the WOHP that look down on SAHP. It's depressing.

I found myself lying to someone the other day when they asked me what I 'did'. To this particular person I was ashamed or scared of being judged about being a SAHM. Threads like these show I wasn't wrong to be worried!

Sorry have to correct you on this - most primary schools offer early morning clubs from 8am and after school clubs too. Every primary school in our town offers this. Mine fits exactly into the school day (9-2, close by to school) and I know many Mums on the school run who have school hour jobs. I also know lots who work from home, will collect their child and then fit in an extra hour or so of work into the day after the school run. There are alot more WFH/hybrid jobs these days.

I can only speak for what I work in (admin) but its definately not too hard to find an admin job to fit school hours.

I don’t understand the issue though, I said I was staying home until they were in school. You said that it’s hard to get a term time job, etc etc but maybe that was true for you but I’m sure I could get a SEN job easily to be honest and my husband works flexible hours so I’m not worried. I don’t know why you’re projecting your issues on to me.

But surely that’s just your perception.

Someone judging a working mum is unlikely to have as much of an impact on you.

I work, and I had a lot of judgement from women who were sahp or who had been sahp when their kids were young.

I presume I notice that more because it was aimed at me and more relevant to my situation. So stands out more.

You are also assuming judgement. It’s far more likely people simply don’t care.

Yes I see now, I suppose I’m in an exceptional position. I’m also technically a higher rate tax payer myself so I get the full benefit of tax relief anyway. Sometimes it can be worth getting a clever accountant to look into these things but it does sound in your case like you’ve considered all options already.

It's just semantics.

Do I consider being at home 'work'? Not really, because for me, 'work' means paid employment.

Of course it's a contribution and in most instances it enables the other party to progress their career.