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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think she didn’t need to try and embarrass me?

109 replies

squitnha · 26/06/2024 23:55

Today we had a meeting where we were given a starter and main:

Both lovely but I couldn’t each as much of the main as I was getting full.

The person cleared the plate and said loudly “oh didn’t you like it?” Like I’m not a child. Me liking or disliking it is irrelevant to the meeting.

I just hate it when people comment on your food.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 27/06/2024 12:27

It’s like everyone asking how you are when it turns out they aren’t actually interested in how you are at all, so all they want is for you to lie, it’s a pointless interaction.

You're being incredibly literal. The subtext of asking how someone is to let them know you're acknowledging their existence and give something of a shit about it. 'Pointless' interactions often have a lot of point about how we rub along together.

purplecorkheart · 27/06/2024 12:28

If the person was the server it is probably part of her job to ask in case there was something wrong with the food (say it was underdone or salty etc). She just could have worded it better.

TisTheSummerSeason · 27/06/2024 12:28

You clearly have issues surrounding food. That isn’t anyone else’s problem. Stop trying to make it one.

Easipeelerie · 27/06/2024 12:33

The person who said it to you has no filter. But there are so many people we bump
into in life who are like this.
If it’s a one off and you’re never going to see them again, just forget about it.

autienotnaughty · 27/06/2024 13:11

I hate being asked about what I've ate and people giving their (unwanted) opinion on it.

I have an eating condition that affects what and how I eat. People do it a lot and it gets tedious very quickly. I think if you never experience this you don't realise how irritating/embarrassing it is.

WorriedMama12 · 27/06/2024 13:12

You're taking the worst possible intentions out of this woman making conversation.

starfishmummy · 27/06/2024 13:18

The person cleared the plate and said loudly “oh didn’t you like it?”

Has it been established who "the person" was (I couldn't see that info but may have e missed it)?

If it was the caterers they'd want to know of something was wrong with the food; if the person who arranged the meeting and chose the food then perhaps they'd want to make a note thst people didn't like X dish. Or a colleague wanting to start a conversation

I doubt it was a barbed comment on how much or how little someone had eaten

IAmAnAdultHumanFemale · 27/06/2024 13:24

But that's not a personal comment it's a question and not a rude one!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/06/2024 13:28

squitnha · 26/06/2024 23:55

Today we had a meeting where we were given a starter and main:

Both lovely but I couldn’t each as much of the main as I was getting full.

The person cleared the plate and said loudly “oh didn’t you like it?” Like I’m not a child. Me liking or disliking it is irrelevant to the meeting.

I just hate it when people comment on your food.

Perhaps she was worried that there was a problem with the food, that she would need to address with whoever catered the meeting?

I would not bat an eyelid at the comment, and I would be very surprised if anyone else in the room was judging you for not having finished your meal. Frankly, anyone judging you would be a bit of a knob, and not worth worrying about, imo!

I do know what it is like to be anxious, and to worry all the time about what people are thinking about me, but I know it is a me problem, and I am working on shutting down the negative thoughts when they happen.

MammaTo · 27/06/2024 13:35

AGoingConcern · 27/06/2024 00:19

You being embarrassed doesn't mean she was trying to embarrass you. It sounds like she was trying to be friendly and polite (and helpful for clearing your plate).

Not every unpleasant feeling we have is someone else's fault.

Spot on

OperationPushkin · 27/06/2024 13:48

What makes you think she was trying to embarrass you? You're ascribing a motivation to her when you have no idea why she asked. It sounds like an innocuous comment to me. Maybe she was just making conversation. Or she was genuinely concerned that you might be hungry if you didn't like the meal. Who knows? And why on earth would it be embarrassing not to eat something? I don't understand this train of thought at all.

icepop9000 · 30/06/2024 11:31

You are being overly dramatic. In my restaurant we asked to make sure everything was to standard. If it wasn't then things can be changed or refunded as appropriate.
My mum is a very small eater and gets asked this a lot. She politely replies normally with its lovely or its fine and then saying I'm not a big eater. Nothing to do with having to justify yourself but it's politeness otherwise a chef might think there is something wrong with the food.

C152 · 30/06/2024 12:17

squitnha · 27/06/2024 00:16

As the person in that meeting she had no reason to ask me that question I assure you.

Show quote history

I don't think she was trying to embarrass you; she's just doing her job. She will probably be asked by the manager or chef why you left your food, as they will want to know if there was something wrong with the dish. (I've been asked this when DS left a lot of food because he didn't like it. I simply said the truth - there was absolutely nothing wrong with the food, he just hadn't tried it before and it turns out it wasn't to his taste.) Just answer the question - 'it was great, I'm just full'; or 'it was fine, it just wasn't to my taste' etc.

AuntMarch · 30/06/2024 15:59

Your thread title... you actually think the person that took your plate was actively trying to embarrass you?

Do you always assume people have bad intentions? That's what I'd suggest exploring. You may have felt embarrassed but there's almost no chance that was the person's intentions!

TeenLifeMum · 30/06/2024 16:01

Reading threads on here, I’m amazed anyone speaks to anyone. Surely you just reply, “it was delicious, just very filling.” Then conversation moves on.

fatphalange · 30/06/2024 16:02

'No it was lovely I'm just full'
Or
'No not really my cup of tea'

Is all that's required. Human interaction of quite the banal variety. Not embarrassing in the slightest.

muffinmum91 · 30/06/2024 16:06

squitnha · 27/06/2024 00:12

No it’s not. Is it really so difficult for you not to make personal comments to someone?

Show quote history

If you think somebody asking whether you enjoyed your meal or not is a personal comment I have no idea how you make any friends. You'd hate when they start asking terribly prying things like how are you, and what are you up to this weekend!

Shortfatandangry · 30/06/2024 16:42

It's her job? If there's an issue, she needs to know. Ergo she asked 🤷‍♀️

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 30/06/2024 20:35

I think it's concern, there's two answers either "it was great I'm just full thanks" or "it was lovely but I'm not a big lamb/pasta/tomato/chicken fan"

If the answer is the second one she can immediately go "oh no, let me get you something else/see what else is available/get the caterers to organise something".
She just didn't want you to be hungry or have been fed something you didn't want and have to sit there in silence. Unless it was said in a nasty way, or after previous comments about what you eat, I'd just take it as concern that you might want something else but felt too awkward to complain. My friend knows I never send food back so if I'm picking at something she'll ask me what's wrong and bring a waiter over for me, she's just a bit more confident than me and she dies it out of care.

Myusernameisrubbish · 30/06/2024 21:42

Omg. What a total B.
I hope that you live in Scotland so that you can report her to the police for a hate crime!

Dontevenlookatme · 30/06/2024 22:18

Rude. What if you’d said “Crikey you wolfed that down didn’t you?

Original poster
squitnha · 30/06/2024 22:23

Easipeelerie · 27/06/2024 12:33

The person who said it to you has no filter. But there are so many people we bump
into in life who are like this.
If it’s a one off and you’re never going to see them again, just forget about it.

I will see them again. Granted only quarterly.

They weren’t a server. They just cleared the plates away to put on the trolley.

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 30/06/2024 22:28

Christ almighty.

Some people won't be happy until conversation becomes a thing of the past.

No-one will speak unless absolutely necessary and even then, they should spend at least half an hour selecting their words, and trying to think of 101 different ways they may cause offense before daring to utter them 🙄

TwattyMcFuckFace · 30/06/2024 22:30

Dontevenlookatme · 30/06/2024 22:18

Rude. What if you’d said “Crikey you wolfed that down didn’t you?

The equivalent would be "Oh, you enjoyed it then?"

I mean assuming they dared to speak of course.

EdgarAllenRaven · 30/06/2024 22:59

OP, I might be reading between the lines, but it sounds like you might have been triggered as it has shown your eating disorder up in public..? If so, I hope you can get help for it 🙏
I only say this as it sounds like you must have left a lot of food, and were hoping that nobody would notice…