To think she didn’t need to try and embarrass me?

[squitnha]

Today we had a meeting where we were given a starter and main:

Both lovely but I couldn’t each as much of the main as I was getting full.

The person cleared the plate and said loudly “oh didn’t you like it?” Like I’m not a child. Me liking or disliking it is irrelevant to the meeting.

I just hate it when people comment on your food.

Why would you get a starter if you weren't that hungry? I just usually get a main can always order a side or dessert after.

I've worked in restaurants for many years. To us, an almost full plate usually means there is something wrong with the food. So we ask. They said didn't you like it because they're hoping that's the reason rather than because it's over/undercooked, inedible, you found a hair etc. Also the server will get asked by managers/chefs if there was something wrong with it as well.

I went to wetherspoons tonight and ordered just a simple burger and chips but the girl serving knows I have a problem with my appetite and commented on how much I managed to eat as she knew I was pleased.

Tbf I had said to her I was surprised I managed so much and she said it was great.

I've lost about 3 stone in about 3 months due to my eating. I want to eat, I see so much I want and can't manage it. Its like a texture problem.

Perhaps they were just really worried that you were vegetarian, vegan, pescetarian, gluten free, diabetic, kosher, halal etc and the company had missed it in the planning and you couldn't eat the food.

I should perhaps add that not only do I work in hospitality I am a recovering ano. I can understand the fear of scrutiny when eating out as that is what you get with your family and friends, but I can reassure you that it will not have been personal.

yabu, there's nothing wrong with not liking the food and nothing wrong with asking whether you liked the food or not

My grandma used to say “it’s the hight of bad manners to comment on someone’s food” I also hate it when I’m asked why i didn’t eat something at a restaurant. I’m paying for it regardless! Yanbu

Did your parents used to shame you into eating food you didn't want?

The restaurant server was not trying to embarrass you. They were worried that they might have got something wrong. It's only embarrassing if you associate being asked about your food with guilt and shame.

Shes not asking you to justify yourself, she's just making small talk.

Is it just me or are there more and more posts about people getting upset and offended by completely innocuous comments?

I think when normal life stopped during Covid, everyone forgot how to be in public, and things which were perfectly normal social activities and interactions have somehow taken on much greater import for some now than they had before. Some folks have got out of the habit of just being normally social, and can’t remember what that looks like. The idea of people just rubbing along together the best they can, taking the good with the bad, seems to have died.

I don’t mind small talk but I don’t think it’s very polite to comment on how much or how little someone has eaten. But I have had family members with eating disorders and I know quite a lot of people that don’t like eating in front of others so perhaps I’m over cautious 🤷🏼‍♀️

You can still make small talk about the meal without drawing attention to one person’s eating.

Utter trivia.

funnily enough thinking about it, it is not a question that would bother me BUT it is also a question I would never ask. Not really sure why, there is something off or intrusive about asking it.

Your overreaction to what was probably just a polite innocuous remark suggests an unhealthy relationship with food

Omg this is such a non issue! You’re literally looking to be offended. Do people have to go round with their lips sewn shut so that they don’t offend you?

This.

why do you care? It’s really irrelevant to life.

A total non event.

I don't see anything wrong with the question as such, it could have come from a place of genuine concern.
Perhaps the issue is more in the delivery/approach. If OP had been asked quietly, so that the rest of the table didn't hear the interaction, that might have been a better scenario?

However, there's nothing wrong with not eating everything on the plate, and it doesn't need to be justified. In this particular scenario, just saying "I'm full" would have been perfectly acceptable.

If this is one incident in a string of similar, then it is stepping into deliberately trying to embarrass OP, but it's not clear that this is the case.

OP, you're a drama llama

I don’t understand a lot of this. “It’s small talk” “just conversation” “just a comment” - I’ve never understood the need for it and in this context it seems very inappropriate.

It’s like everyone asking how you are when it turns out they aren’t actually interested in how you are at all, so all they want is for you to lie, it’s a pointless interaction.

Commenting on people’s food is rude in my opinion, especially when the person didn’t say anything themselves.

So you wouldn't give the restaurant feedback if they sincerely want to know, and presumably try and use it to improve? It's not like you made a stink and sent the food back, which I could see feeling awkward about. Just quietly and politely say, I'm afraid x/y/z isn't quite my thing.

this is just basic polite conversation.... nothing to get offended about

do you have any underlying issues around food/eating OP that may have made this comment triggering for you? because that's the only context I can think of where this could be upsetting

Waiting for a full explanation from OP…

But why do I need to justify myself? As an adult I can eat as much or as little as I want - it doesn’t require someone to comment on it.

Eat on your own in your house then. If you engage in society, other people are involved and you can't control them being human and having conversations about very very ordinary things. You need to lighten up a little and learn some small talk.