To think she didn’t need to try and embarrass me?

[squitnha]

Today we had a meeting where we were given a starter and main:

Both lovely but I couldn’t each as much of the main as I was getting full.

The person cleared the plate and said loudly “oh didn’t you like it?” Like I’m not a child. Me liking or disliking it is irrelevant to the meeting.

I just hate it when people comment on your food.

I didn’t order it.

I highly doubt that she was asking you to justify yourself.

And yes it is very basic communication and completely normal.

Were you in a restaurant? If so, I wouldn’t find this embarrassing at all. In general I don’t approve of commenting on other people’s food, but in a restaurant I expect to be asked questions about my experience. Maybe it’s different in a different context?

So they had a set starter and main and you would have known that. You’re really not giving much much detail. If you didn’t order it then it was a set menu. I’m wondering if you’re just here for attention given your updates.

You being embarrassed doesn't mean she was trying to embarrass you. It sounds like she was trying to be friendly and polite (and helpful for clearing your plate).

Not every unpleasant feeling we have is someone else's fault.

She didn’t clear the OP’s plate the colleague ate her own food.

You're probably right, I read "cleared the plate" as taking it off the table, but without a possessive article it could just as easly be referencing the woman's own plate not OP's.

Regardless, the rest of my comment stands; she was trying to be friendly and kind. We do not have to hold others responsible for every unpleasant feeling we have.

and? I'm waiting for the 'drip feed'?

Or is that it... you didn't like that someone commented on your food? Who paid for the food... what if the chef had asked if it was ok? What was wrong with simply saying... 'it was lovely, just too much for me!' It's not justifying, it's stating the truth.

It's basic conversation. Your discomfort in relation to a perfectly mundane comment is yours. Imo she was neither judging you nor embarrassing you.

I had a serious eating disorder for years and even I couldn't get worked up over that. You just answer honestly that you are full. Conversation over. Nobody else is going to be remotely interested in you finishing your meal or even remember you being asked so nothing to be embarrassed about. I highly doubt it was about showing you up, surely she'd pick something slightly more offensive than asking if you disliked a meal? I don't think I'd have even thought about it beyond the couple of seconds you were asked the question if I'd have been at the meeting. Nobody has gone home tonight shocked to the core over you maybe not liking a main course. Don't worry about it -nobody else will be.

I didn’t order it

Ooh, the plot thickens. Maybe she is concerned that the catering wasn’t inclusive enough and is actually trying to improve things for you in the future.

I’ve just got this feeling that this is someone you don’t like and you’d take offence whatever she said and did.

She obviously enjoyed the food, as she ate it.

You didn't eat all of yours.

It's a work lunch, nobody chose the food.

She made a completely appropriate conversational comment. "Oh, didn't you like it?"

It's a question.

You have any response in normal conversational norms. Anything along the lines of, for example, why you were full, didn't like an ingredient.

To think you are being judged by the comment is a massive reach.

It's a work lunch.

This is just an innocuous comment, she was curious, not trying to embarrass or persecute you in some way, the question is why you’ve reacted in such an extreme manner,

are you very introverted, and hate any attention , and then secretly get angry kind of person?

most folks would just say oh I was full or whatever and think no more of it,

You embarrassed her so she was trying to do the same back.

The fact that you were too full to finish your main made her feel bad for clearing her plates. Her problem, not yours.

@AGoingConcern I also read "cleared the plate" as taking it off the table.

But, even if cleared the plate meant someone finished their meal and ate everything on their plate I still don’t see anything rude, offensive or inappropriate in the question she asked.

I've lost my appetite completely recently and wouldn't be amused if someone commented on what I ate. However I would've probably tried half of each and explained.

I agree. Who cares who eats the food and who doesn’t. No need to question this.

You don’t ‘need’ to do anything. It’s casual
conversation - make it or don’t. And calling it ‘justification’ would indicate that you think you’ve been accused of wrongdoing, which isn’t the case.

Again, this all seems to indicate food issues. Your reaction is irrational.

Let me guess, you have disordered eating and are worried saying that drew attention to your eating. It didn't and no one cares how much/little you're eating apart from your parents.

I understand your point, it was a pointed question but the only people I’ve known in my life get quite so sensitive about things like this are those with eating disorders and unhealthy ideas around food. To other people it’s no big deal, they’d just say ‘no I’m just full’ or ‘I’m not that hungry’ and think nothing of it.

People are allowed to ask questions in life. We exist in community. Food is part of life.

I cannot understand why you couldn't just say "Oh no, it was lovely, I was just a bit full after the starter" and move on with your life.

I also wondered if there was an eating disorder at play, the comment the woman cleared her plate, and then the sensitivity over such an innocuous question.

if there is though, the op should just own her issues and not try to make it this woman’s fault.

Ah right.....if the person asking was the server as she cleared the table then yes that makes more sense.

I am in hospitality and if a guest has left a lot of their food I will ask "Was everything ok for you?" because we would rather know if it wasnt so we can rectify things. Its not a judgement on your eating habits, but concern that your meal wasnt up to standard. Its a perfectly normal thing for a server to ask if you leave most of your meal.

That's what I would have done. The comment would be so innocuous to me, I would have been unlikely to remember it twenty minutes later.

What @PyongyangKipperbang said. It's not about you having to justify yourself, it's about the staff making sure that there wasn't a problem with your meal that you've not mentioned cos you didn't want to make a fuss. I've lost count of the number of times I've been in restaurants and the server has done a quick passing "is everything OK?" Happy customers are more likely to come back, spread the word and hopefully tip well, so they like to make sure you're satisfied with your meal/