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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stalk a stranger in A&E

602 replies

TheRozzers · 26/06/2024 22:13

Witnessed a nasty accident today. An elderly lady had a fall in the street and was bleeding badly. I was coming back from the gym and had a towel with me so used it to help stem the bleeding and stayed with her until the paramedics arrived. Others helped too.

We were talking to her and trying to reassure her as she was very distressed and in a lot of pain. I'm pretty sure she's broken a bone.

I asked if there was anyone we could call. Partner, children, friends. She said she had nobody.

I can't stop wondering how she is, she's probably in the hospital A&E corridor and will be for the next week knowing the state of the NHS.

I have tried to call the hospital to enquire after her but no answer.

Would it be really weird and stalker like to go to the hospital and check up on her? Maybe take her something to eat and drink? I know her full name and date of birth so assume I could track her down?

Or would that be an invasion of her privacy?

It's also quite late now.

OP posts:
HumphreysCorner · 27/06/2024 21:03

Back when I was working in a bank we had a customer collapse mid transaction and my manager called the hospital many times for an update and they refused to answer but finally they did to confirm sadly he didn't make it. I wish one of the staff could have gone with him.

BrutusMcDogface · 27/06/2024 21:03

Oh my goodness, I hope you find her! What a lovely thing to do!

noosmummy12 · 27/06/2024 21:06

You OP I hope you get to see her and that she’s doing well! What a lovely lovely person you are!! Hoping for an update!

Ifthisiswheretheworldisheadingcountmeout · 27/06/2024 21:12

I lived really far from my nan, and her lifeline was people who she either met by chance or who she interacted with regularly like her hairdresser. I know she had people who checked in on her multiple times a week and not only looked after her but were her friends and that meant everything. I went to see her increasingly often as she got frailer, but being 4ish hours away I was limited to weekends. Loneliness is a horrible thing and yet so so common. I think what you're doing, especially after a trauma, is completely wonderful. I hope she feels the love <3

Ap42 · 27/06/2024 21:14

Sookafatwan · 27/06/2024 19:21

Out of interest would you let a complete stranger on the ward where the lady is, given these circumstances?

Show quote history

Do you know how many visitors we see daily? An awful lot. Their not interrogated at the door, it's not a locked ward, and assuming the patient has capacity to consent to a visit it's really none of my business.

Sookafatwan · 27/06/2024 21:19

Ap42 · 27/06/2024 21:14

Do you know how many visitors we see daily? An awful lot. Their not interrogated at the door, it's not a locked ward, and assuming the patient has capacity to consent to a visit it's really none of my business.

Show quote history

The point being this lady has no idea what ward the lady is on so would have to enquire. And doors are locked to the wards arent they? So people have to observe visiting hours and cant just wander round at will.

Mumof2girls2121 · 27/06/2024 21:19

Hope you found her!

Datafan55 · 27/06/2024 21:28

Putting it here as on-topic;
Hospitals do occasionally run volunteer services to eg keep patients company (although not always general people; at my local one it's dementia etc).
I am sure Age Concern used to look for people to be advocates, eg for an old person in hospital (I can't find a reference to it - does anyone know?), but these days it's more advice lines on the phone.

They do of course run their phone befriending service;
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/get-involved/volunteer/

Thedayb4youcame · 27/06/2024 21:32

Would it be really weird and stalker like to go to the hospital and check up on her? Maybe take her something to eat and drink? I know her full name and date of birth so assume I could track her down?

Or would that be an invasion of her privacy?

I find it utterly heartbreaking that modern society has made you feel so conflicted that you even have this doubt, let alone the need to ask the question.

There was no way in the world I could have administered the first aid like you did (I wouldn't have known where to begin) and yet you took it all in your stride. I applaud you. However, if I had assumed responsibility for the lady in the way you did, I would consider it my duty to stay in touch, at least in the short term.

Original poster
TheRozzers · 27/06/2024 21:33

Just left the hospital. So glad I went.

The poor woman is still in A&E and it's like a war zone. I didn't realise the doctors were on strike this week.

There was no difficulty finding her and she seemed very pleased to have a visitor. She's a talker! I was there almost 2 hours and got her life history Grin

She's got a brilliant sense of humour and is sharp as anything, especially as she's got some nasty injuries and is almost 80.

I've arranged to go back tomorrow and bring her a pillow (no pillows in A&E). I also said I'd help her look at options for getting care at home. She's mainly worried she won't be able to put a bra on with her injuries.

Despite the circumstances she seemed pretty cheerful and we had a good giggle.

She was very pleased with the bits and offered to pay me for the things (obviously I refused).

All in all a successful trip.

OP posts:
lyingonthebeach · 27/06/2024 21:34

I think you sound great!. I don't think I'll have many around me when I get old (years yet ;) and I like to think there will be caring people like you. Your small kindness will make a big difference.

DirtyDuchess · 27/06/2024 21:35

Brava OP. You're a superstar xx

BotterMon · 27/06/2024 21:36

Oh what a wonderful update. Bet you've made her day/month/year! Nothing worse than elderly patients with no family in hospital. You are definitely paying it forward and sound a lovely lovely person.

Bunnybear42 · 27/06/2024 21:36

I read so much doom and gloom on Mumsnet then I stumbled across your post OP. The poor lady but how lovely that you care and want to help - the world is a strange place nowadays decent kindness and respect and compassion seems less than it was years ago.. I'm only in my 40s but don't feel a lot of change has been for the better.
I hope you find her and maybe you'll make a new friend and that this will bring her much joy and companionship whilst she recovers..

Hammy65 · 27/06/2024 21:37

herbygarden · 26/06/2024 22:19

I think it's lovely. If it was me with no one in the world and you arrived and offered me a cup of tea or a sandwich or just a chat I would be delighted. So kind OP Xxx

Absolutely agree with this comment. A lovely thing to do. Please go. You are completely right.

XMummyX · 27/06/2024 21:38

You are a truly wonderful person. Thankyou for reminding us to take the time to care for others

Peacefulbeach · 27/06/2024 21:38

TheRozzers · 27/06/2024 21:33

Just left the hospital. So glad I went.

The poor woman is still in A&E and it's like a war zone. I didn't realise the doctors were on strike this week.

There was no difficulty finding her and she seemed very pleased to have a visitor. She's a talker! I was there almost 2 hours and got her life history Grin

She's got a brilliant sense of humour and is sharp as anything, especially as she's got some nasty injuries and is almost 80.

I've arranged to go back tomorrow and bring her a pillow (no pillows in A&E). I also said I'd help her look at options for getting care at home. She's mainly worried she won't be able to put a bra on with her injuries.

Despite the circumstances she seemed pretty cheerful and we had a good giggle.

She was very pleased with the bits and offered to pay me for the things (obviously I refused).

All in all a successful trip.

Awwww my gosh I’m nearly in tears reading this!! Imagine you hadn’t gone -not a soul visiting her! You are a really good person OP I’m so glad you’ve done this 😌♥️♥️♥️🙏🏼🫶🏼

MonsteraMama · 27/06/2024 21:38

How wonderful! Thank you for being there for her and hopefully you've made a great new friend

Thedayb4youcame · 27/06/2024 21:39

TheRozzers · 27/06/2024 21:33

Just left the hospital. So glad I went.

The poor woman is still in A&E and it's like a war zone. I didn't realise the doctors were on strike this week.

There was no difficulty finding her and she seemed very pleased to have a visitor. She's a talker! I was there almost 2 hours and got her life history Grin

She's got a brilliant sense of humour and is sharp as anything, especially as she's got some nasty injuries and is almost 80.

I've arranged to go back tomorrow and bring her a pillow (no pillows in A&E). I also said I'd help her look at options for getting care at home. She's mainly worried she won't be able to put a bra on with her injuries.

Despite the circumstances she seemed pretty cheerful and we had a good giggle.

She was very pleased with the bits and offered to pay me for the things (obviously I refused).

All in all a successful trip.

I am so, so pleased you went. Well done. Though bear in mind that these days 80 is still young (I was thinking 85+ when you said elderly!)...It's odd how when people hit their 80s they seem to age at all different rates.

I lost my father in February, after a very short illness. He was a few weeks off his 81st birthday, and was much younger and independent than both his mother and father were at his age, despite both of them living to be 84 and 87 respectively. It was so hard to imagine dad being the age he was.

Londonrach1 · 27/06/2024 21:40

Honestly I'm shocked by the first few comments..this is an elderly person who's is hunt. Tomorrow morning pop in some chocolate, maybe a book, hand cream and a card saying hope you ok from the lady who sat with you. Leave your number and it's up to her re contact. Hope she ok. Poor lady and thank you op for caring!

Tagyoureit · 27/06/2024 21:40

Aww! Wonderful news!

I'm not tearing up....

Jeannie88 · 27/06/2024 21:40

I would, even if she has support, which it doesn't sound like, she would love it. Xx

reelcat · 27/06/2024 21:40

What a lovely outcome, sounds like you have both made a new friend. It's strange what brings people together

GrandTheftWalrus · 27/06/2024 21:40

Aww that's lovely OP. Glad you went.

Bunnybear42 · 27/06/2024 21:40

Just seen your update !! I bet she was so pleased to see you particularly as still in A&E.
How lovely you are seeing her again tomorrow x terrible about the state of the hospitals though ..