To think this teacher was rude ?

[Goolagoo]

I’ll start by saying I’m a teacher myself so I understand how - for want of a better word - annoying it is when children are in and out of lessons.

My son is in y5. He has a very high prescription for his glasses . He’s also very clumsy ! He has had to be picked up from school a few times because of his glasses being broken - even the spare - and he can’t see barely a thing without them so they have to be fixed straight away . A few times this has been in PE that they have been broken. One time another child hit him , they broke , and my son was put in isolation for hitting him back and no one told us - he sat their all afternoon being unable to see ( the optician said they needed fixing straight away as not wearing them is a massive strain ) . There have been times no one has told us they are broken and he has been left like it all day and even shouted at for not reading - when he couldn’t see !

Hes quite self conscious so the optician suggested contacts. He was keen , he’s done really well , it’s only been a few weeks and we thought this takes away the problem of the glasses being broken . However , a few times over the past 2 weeks they have felt funny in his eyes or moved and he’s had to take them out ( he’s gone to the head , who is very supportive and wears contacts and said he would help him ) . He told us that his teacher said if he left class again he wouldn’t be “ allowed “ to wear contacts at school and also told him he only has 30 seconds to take them out . He’s a quiet boy so this has upset him ( he also has great attendance and is doing very well academically) .

I have had a message form her saying “ Hi , can DC stick to glasses at school as he sometimes can’t take them out and then can’t see “ - no reasons as to why it’s beneficial to him etc , not even a thank you just a blunt message . Bearing in mind he can always take them out it’s just a few times - maybe 3 / 4 in 2 weeks - that he has needed support . The head has no problem and has said they will do everything they can to support him and that they think it’s a great idea .

This message from his teacher has really angered me - I find it rude that she thinks she can just decide that he can’t wear contacts to school !

You have a vested interest in your child, you care about his well-being... The school ultimately only cares about Ofsted targets, the rest is usually lip service.

No, that is not a professional email! And teachers have a forward facing role, they do need to have professional decorum and that doesn't mean they have to be all smiley smiley everyday but it does mean communicating effectively with parents and alleviating their concerns after all a child is under their care for six and-a-half hours, five days a week. There's no need for flippant teachers.

As per my previous post, this email was professional.

As a teacher, I would send emails in the same tone to a parent who was making unrealistic and unreasonable demands on myself or a member of my team, as is the case with this parent. My job is to get my point across, not to pander and provide 5* service.

If this is not good enough for some parents who expect me to jump at their every demand, they are welcome to send their child to a private school.

I am not making a single demand on her . I am deciding what is best for my child , I have not asked her to do anything . She only has the class 2 days per week - so she has had him 4 days in the past 2 weeks . I am not making any unreasonable demands of her

Yes he has said he can see better and he can see all around . He has the right to be as comfortable as possible , as a parent I have the right to provide that for my child and I feel exactly as you say - that it’s being treated as a vanity issue .

The head teacher has been more than supportive , in fact very encouraging . I have not requested any time from any member of staff to help out.

Just an update , I have spoken to the head about the situation - I have not said anything about the message or that I find it rude as regardless of me feeling as though it was , I am a teacher myself and I know how stressful this job is - especially in report writing season - I don’t want to add this teacher getting into trouble ( I know what schools can be like and some fear the heads and that leads to poor mental health of teachers , so I’m not going to put her in that situation ) but I just clarified if there were issues - I’ve been reassured that they are very supportive of him , the head does not recommend he stops wearing them to school and has reassured him that he doesn’t have to feel under pressure to get them out quicker . He has been fine today , no issues .

I have to disagree that it was professional. It was sent as as though it was a text message , with no mention of him wearing glasses being best for him or anything like that . Had she said “ it’s becoming a bit disruptive, I fear it will impact his learning etc “ then I would have taken it much differently .

I also completely disagree with teachers having messaging systems for parents . I think concerns should go through SLT. I think it just adds more pressure on teachers to keep up with messages . It also can create bad feeling - I’m sure the teacher has lots to do and it may have been one in a long list of things to do and messages she was sending . I work in a school with no messaging platform and the parents don’t even get to approach the teachers at home time - we are inside the playground with the class, SLT on gate and we send them to them to go , leaving any issues are discussed with SLT and they sort it best they can or relay messages with us teachers , the head actually said she does this for the teachers because they have enough to do without having to deal with every little thing parents have issues with and it gives more reassurance to parents that SLT are dealing with the issues . It should be like that in all schools . I have had messages from my son’s school at 10pm on an evening - no teacher should be working at 10pm!

I'm glad the Head is supporting your son. It's an accommodation that he needs at this time to manage a change which will be hugely beneficial to him. I'm also a teacher and a bit sad that other teachers don't see that.

I would also like to add that I don’t think this is an “unreasonable demand” it’s recommended by the opticians , it’s a health reason it’s not just me deciding he should wear contacts for cosmetic reasons.

I had a child in my class who had to leave every day , for around 10 minutes , to have eye drops for hayfever as requested by their parent. This was disruptive as this child needed heavy support and encouragement to complete any work and those 10 minutes of lost lesson time really had an impact. But , it was requested by the parent to make her more comfortable ( same as my situation ) … would it be reasonable of me to suggest they have drops at home in the morning and afternoon ?

You could consider raising whether he needs an Individual Health Care Plan to ensure his needs are met at school. I would have thought his vision problems without his glasses/contacts would very much amount to a medical need, and you could probably get evidence from his optometrist to back this up if they won't take your word for it.

You could raise this with (I think) the SENCo - but you'd prob know more about that than me!

YANBU

The head has no problem and has said they will do everything they can to support him and that they think it’s a great idea

If that's what the head said that's what you reply with.

YABU. Your son is far too young for contacts.

No shame in him wearing glasses!

No it is cosmetic.
You were recommended glasses. But because your DS was self-conscious, you pushed for contacts, rather than reassure DS that he'd be fine and actually look very smart with glasses.

There's some lack of empathy here and people aren't understanding the level of prescription and the school's inability to support the child with his glasses. The teacher didn't care when the child couldn't learn for a whole day, but all of a sudden this is a problem.
I'd stand your ground, it's the perfect time for your son to learn.
All other teachers and the head are supportive. That emessage was rude and abrupt.

If the head is supportive and ok with all of this then just make sure that he passes on this message to the teacher , and that this is a reasonable adjustment to his needs rather than a silly fad.

I'm glad you have what appears to be a positive update. I do still wonder though what is likely to change between now and next academic year to mean he doesn't need to leave class. If he doesn't need to adjust them or remove them at home then it does still seem unusual he's having so many problems with them in school time.

Yes, she was rude, and she’s ignoring the fact that when he was wearing glasses they were constantly getting broken.
I’m horrified by the way they have treated him. Leaving him sitting there unable to see is neglectful and shouting at him for not reading because he can’t see, because his glasses were broken is maltreatment.
I know you’re a teacher yourself OP, and I know how busy they are and all that, but I detested the way my kids’ schools treated any child who had any kind of health issues. Complete lack of understanding, empathy and willingness to flex the rules even the tiniest bit.

Does he have hayfever? My 15 year old has been wearing contacts for about 6 months no trouble but has had to take them out twice at school the last few weeks as he said when sneezing it has dislodged the lense somehow.

well said

With that level of prescription your lad must be close to being legally visually impaired. At which point the teacher would be discriminating against his disability. The contacts will be helping all round, not missing as much learning, helping with self esteem etc.
When it's hay fever season or it's windy, I have problems with contacts and my eyes being itchy. It's probably that, so eye drops might help? Wearing sunglasses (wrap-around ones for cyclists) helps with the wind-related stuff.
I think the teacher's tone was not very professional, it is expected that we are polite, friendly etc and that's in all forms of communication.

Does your son like this teacher? You mentioned she has him 2 days a week and he's asked to remove them 3/4 times. Is he doing it as an avoidance tactic?

Is he also missing learning time for core subjects or for topic?

I agree that the teachers email was direct, but I can also see where she is coming from. If he isn't able to wear contacts in school hours for the whole of school he should practice longer stretches at home over the school holidays and try again in September.

I think the teacher's message was abrupt and unhelpful but I also think your school's system sounds dreadful! I chat to parents every day and know them all by their first name. Much quicker and easier to solve problems when you have a relationship with them. I couldn't imagine anything worse than the minutiae of Y3 going through a senior leader, who'd just have to talk to me anyway. I'd also hate not to ever chat to my own children's teacher.

Are you an optician? Why do you think children shouldn't have decent accommodations for their eyesight?
I was advised by an optician as a child that in my case contacts would help stop my vision deteriorating as quickly as if I had glasses and I'd rather be quite badly short sighted than very badly short sighted.
Once you get into double figure prescriptions CLs help for peripheral vision. It isn't about "shame".

Contacts are sensitive, school is a different environment. His eyes could be more moist due to dust or other contaminants, drier due to the ventilation systems or he could have hay fever. He will have more intense focus at school too. This is why he needs to practice within a school setting, so if they need adjusting to a different type then he can get it sorted before Y6.

My husband has shocking eyesight, he was limited by his parents to basic NHS glasses as a child as they refused to buy the opticians recommendations, they felt it was vanity. He had frequent falls and his glasses were so heavy. Contacts changed his life as soon as he could afford them.