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AIBU?

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Original poster

..to expect my 15 year old son NOT to be wanking in front of MY computer in MY living room in the middle of the day when I walk in the front door with his younger siblings???!

280 replies

BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 16:26

Before you all say it's healthy.. it's normal... I know, I KNOW! But it is NOT healthy or normal to have to wonder now what DD (9) is thinking and how the hell to broach the subject with her!!

Fortunately DS (7) has SN was oblivious but DD at the very least, saw him sat there with his jeans round his ankles! We all did! He didn't even make any move to pull them up, I suppose he would have had to expose himself in the process. He jsut said "sorry.. sorry" and waited for me to leave the room so he could run upstairs!

It would have been much easier to have just daughters I swear. Why the HELL couldn't he go and have a wank on his bed! He KNEW we were due back at some point in the afternoon!

Obviously he is appalled and humiliated but as far as I can see he's brought this on himself. This is not the first time I've caught him red-handed; last time it was late at night on the sofa, whilst watching the "free ads" on the porn channels on the telly. On that occasion I said would you PLEASE not wank in my living room!! And certainly not when we're all walking around upstairs still having only just gone up! I was looking for HIS clothes he'd requested for the morning on that occasion.. like a sucker, while he played with it downstairs!

I have just been and shouted at him (rightly or wrongly; I'm angry, that gibes me a right I feel) that I don't want him to use MY WORK COMPUTER for that, even though it is a family computer in all other respects which is fine. But I really DON'T want that on the hard drive. And why the hell do men HAVE to so recklessly take advantage of the oh-so-freely available visual stuff.. can't they just use their imaginations??! (I shouted that at him too!)

I am shuddering that his bare arse has been on this very chair, and his (topically from a thread last night!) "penisy hands" been all over THIS mouse!

Ugh ugh ugh.

He needs to wank.. fine, but I don't see why I should have to keep catching him doing it!! I don't want it to be any of MY buisness but it seems I keep having to be "involved"! And I am SO cross that his younger siblings who are too young (perhaps thankfully) to know what he was doing, had to see him sat there like that!

Bloody men and boys.

OP posts:
MadameCh0let · 09/04/2008 19:45

Lol batters, did you find her in Loot ???

margoandjerry · 09/04/2008 20:02

Surely part of growing up is finding out that your urges cannot be satisfied wherever and whenever you want? 15 is old enough to know you have to wait and that other people don't want to be exposed to your urges at any hour of the day.

I'm with the OP. He needs to understand the time and place were completely unacceptable, liberal attitude to teenage sexuality notwithstanding.

Janos · 09/04/2008 20:06

Yup, wanking = fine.

Doing it in the middle of the day, in a communal room, when anyone can (and probably will) walk in = NOT fine.

Jeeze, it's not hard to understand, even for a hormonal teenage boy!

Panino · 09/04/2008 20:11

well, the poor boy didn't see you coming up the path...it's a side effect don't you know.

Janni · 09/04/2008 20:17

Poor you. Horrible situation. I imagine he'll have learned his lesson.

Janos · 09/04/2008 20:17

"well, the poor boy didn't see you coming up the path.."

LOL, I bet he didn't .

Poor lad, he is probably MORTIFIED and hopefully he's learnt his lesson.

Blandmum · 09/04/2008 20:19

Blimey, if 15 is considered too young to have a degree of discretion....

when the fuck are kids supposed to learn that they can't wank in public places.

Christ Almighty, I think I'd worked out what was appropriate behavior in the living room by that point!

emkana · 09/04/2008 20:20

pmsl at the suggestion that a poor little 15 year old must be excused for choosing the living room as a wanking area...

Blandmum · 09/04/2008 20:21

or else he sexuality would take a beating instead of his wanger.......

Panino · 09/04/2008 20:25

always post this government initiative at times like this

Judy1234 · 09/04/2008 20:26

15 as a boy is one of the worst ages in your life you can be. There are more suicides in those years in boys than at any other time. It is absolutely dire. You are also getting erections left right and centre and half a man and half a boy and there is nothing so embarrassing for you as if your mother catches you doing that. Certainly not something to be angry with him about. A least said soonest mended thing I would have thought.

Anyway if he doesn't have his own room then yes it's going to be hard for him so even more reason not to be angry at him. By being angry at him you're almost denying his growing sexuality.

Anyway I'm sure he'll make sure it doesn't happen again. He will be mortified for life, poor thing.

Blandmum · 09/04/2008 20:28

One assumes that he would have had access to a bathroom.

no need to wank in the living room, that was just being thoughtless

BarcodeZebra · 09/04/2008 20:31

Next time you go to the shops ask him what sort of porn he'd like to get for him.

Better still, if he ever comes to the supermarket with you, make sure you buy some man sized tissues. Then when you're at the checkout hand them to the cashier saying, "they're for my son, he's just started with the masturbating".

That should sort it out.

Heated · 09/04/2008 20:32

PMSL Zebra!!

leakyR · 09/04/2008 20:33

I do know someone whose mum caught her masturbating in the living room in her teens on a Sunday afternoon whilst watching Eastenders. It was in the early Grant Mitchell era Apparently her mum said "Oh (name), put it away your lunch is ready"

How

cushioncover · 09/04/2008 20:34

His sense of place/timing/discretion was clearly way off and YANBU to expect him to show respect for other members of his household.
BUT, I think what you've done is made him feel like the wanking was wrong rather than made clear that the issue was circumstances.

I do understand you being angry about his lack of discretion and the use of your work computer but IMO (and it's only my opinion) kids should be made to feel that this is a natural, acceptable and healthy activity. The only issue is making clear to them that it's a private activity, at least in the short-term.

I'm and at posters suggesting you humiliate him as much as possible. Humiliating a teenager over any aspect of their sexuality is what causes sexual hang-ups.

I'm also surprised that you would talk to your daughter about sex but not about masturbation. For most teenagers, masturbation will (hopefully) be their first sexual experience.

KerryMum · 09/04/2008 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greyriverside · 09/04/2008 20:39

The living room was where the pictures were and he doesn't have a room at the moment.

I did laugh at this, but the truth is he will be uncomfortable about this for ages without saying or doing anything else to him.

ScaryHairy · 09/04/2008 20:42

Poor boy - he'll never wank again!

I would not be happy, but 15 year old boys are stupid and it is hardly the crime of the century.
LOL at "caught him red handed". Quite.

Heated · 09/04/2008 21:00

Yep, slapping the salami in front of family can be bad. Not good either in front of your teachers!

Taught a 15 yr old lad who was always weeks late with his h/w. He turned up at our busy staff office with the latest excuse that he hadn't managed to print off the work, it was on his data stick.

Offered to print the work off for him, purely out of the goodness of my heart, not to put the lying toad on the spot . So plugged in the data stick with him standing at my shoulder but couldn't get it to work. So asked for surrounding colleagues help who are a bit more techie than me. No likely looking file but he swears it's there, he's definitely done the work. Techie colleagues suggest looking at file recovery, click on the first one and up comes a picture of this pupil, naked with camera in one hand and dick in the other .

Lad frozen for about 5 seconds in the stunned silence, mumbles something and then runs, with roars of hysterical laughter in the background.

Had to return his data stick to him in lesson, for some reason he forgot to take it with him. Kept mentioning looking forward to parents eve but by then he'd got all his c/w done

Squirdle · 09/04/2008 21:01

I feel a little sorry for him as he must be sooo embarrassed, but also for you and the littler ones as it must have been embarrassing for you too. He should have thought about the fact that you may well have arrived home and caught him in the act, but as we mums of teenage boys know, they don't think!

Saying that, I would be quite horrified if I found DS1 doing the same. I would hope he has the sense to keep it to himself...I don't want to know.

I probably wouldn't say anymore to your DS. He is obviously horrified that you came home and it will have taught him a lesson. It'll all blow over in a few days anyway.

random · 09/04/2008 21:02

Dont you just love 15 year old sons..Ive got one.. never caught him wanking tho..sorry but lol! at this thread

Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 21:02

Okaaaaayyy..

Ooh where shall I start? I have an urge to address each point that implies I know little/nothing about teenage boys/my son in particular even though I don't need to really because the majority seem to get where I was coming from earlier when I was mad with him and downright exasperated.

Firstly, ScaryHairy, I never said it was the crime of the century certainly not! I am happy for him to spank the monkey to his little hearts content (as long as he allows a little studying-for-GCSEs time) - I just don't want my 9 year old daughter nor my 7 year old son to see him doing it!

And on the contrary to all the "he'll never wank again" comments - evidence would seem to suggest otherwise.. this is NOT the first time I have caught him in the living room and at a totally stupid/risky time!

I have not and WILL not "humilate" him - he did that to himself! I showed anger and outrage that he allowed this to happen. again.

Cusioncover, no I have not, as yet, discussed masturbation with my daughter. She is 9. She has not asked and I have not felt it appropriate to instigate a conversation of that kind with her at this point and you will have to trust that I know my daughter and trust my own parenting skills well enough to know when the best time to address each issue is. I think she is quite well informed for a child her age compared to many I know. When I do want to tell her about masturbation, I don't think it is unreasonable to want it NOT to be because she has come face to face with her brother pleasuring himself! NOT appropriate I'm sure you, or anyone would agree. That is not something she EVER needs to see. And as we were not invading his personal space (ie barging in on him either in the bathroom or the bedroom) then the fault lies with him.

I don't know if some of you (of the really critical few) have really immature teenagers, or what, but do you really expect them not to know that 3 oclock in the afternoon, in broad day light, in the living room, with family due home any minute, is NOT an appropriate time to wank??! My son most certianly KNOWS this.. he is not at all emotionally immature - this was just pure thoughtlessness and unecessary recklessness with some disresprect thrown in. If he had been doing it upstairs I would never known.. which is fine.. I WANT him to be normal, and sexually curious and all the things he should be at his age.. I just don't want to witness it, or have the children witness it either!!

OP posts:
Squirdle · 09/04/2008 21:04

I agree with CushionCover, I don't think embarrassing him the way to go. I do think a little chat about discretion might be a good idea, but harping on about it or shaming him won't do him much good.

Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 21:06

Just to reiterate.. no intentions of a. shaming him b. harping on about it c. embarassing him any more than he has embarassed himself.

Have even thought better of the "and how would you like it if your dad and I were to do it on your bed when you were out?" comment although it was tempting at the time. The moment has passed. I sincerely hope he has learnt not discretion.

OP posts: