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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to expect my 15 year old son NOT to be wanking in front of MY computer in MY living room in the middle of the day when I walk in the front door with his younger siblings???!

280 replies

BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 16:26

Before you all say it's healthy.. it's normal... I know, I KNOW! But it is NOT healthy or normal to have to wonder now what DD (9) is thinking and how the hell to broach the subject with her!!

Fortunately DS (7) has SN was oblivious but DD at the very least, saw him sat there with his jeans round his ankles! We all did! He didn't even make any move to pull them up, I suppose he would have had to expose himself in the process. He jsut said "sorry.. sorry" and waited for me to leave the room so he could run upstairs!

It would have been much easier to have just daughters I swear. Why the HELL couldn't he go and have a wank on his bed! He KNEW we were due back at some point in the afternoon!

Obviously he is appalled and humiliated but as far as I can see he's brought this on himself. This is not the first time I've caught him red-handed; last time it was late at night on the sofa, whilst watching the "free ads" on the porn channels on the telly. On that occasion I said would you PLEASE not wank in my living room!! And certainly not when we're all walking around upstairs still having only just gone up! I was looking for HIS clothes he'd requested for the morning on that occasion.. like a sucker, while he played with it downstairs!

I have just been and shouted at him (rightly or wrongly; I'm angry, that gibes me a right I feel) that I don't want him to use MY WORK COMPUTER for that, even though it is a family computer in all other respects which is fine. But I really DON'T want that on the hard drive. And why the hell do men HAVE to so recklessly take advantage of the oh-so-freely available visual stuff.. can't they just use their imaginations??! (I shouted that at him too!)

I am shuddering that his bare arse has been on this very chair, and his (topically from a thread last night!) "penisy hands" been all over THIS mouse!

Ugh ugh ugh.

He needs to wank.. fine, but I don't see why I should have to keep catching him doing it!! I don't want it to be any of MY buisness but it seems I keep having to be "involved"! And I am SO cross that his younger siblings who are too young (perhaps thankfully) to know what he was doing, had to see him sat there like that!

Bloody men and boys.

OP posts:
Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 17:45

Disenchanted I am calm, was calm ages ago and said as much. That's why I started the thread - needed to calm down.

I also have not said I want to make him feel bad.. of course I don't! I just want to make him understand that I do not expect this to keep happening at times/places when he is likely to get caught. Yes I realise it sucks that he doesn't have a bedroom at the moment (he and I have been shopping for lots of nice things for his new room - I KNOW he needs one and feel bad about current situation which wont be for much longer, and HE knows this too), but he does get time alone and we DO have a bathroom. It do not feel it is unreasonable of me to expect that he does it at more appropriate times/places even given the bedroom situation.

Even now I'm calm I still think that. I expect him to have more respect for me and for the rest of his family. I can't apologise for that.

On the subject of DD, she has said nothing. She MUST have seen the trousers round the ankles, I know she did because we all trooped in the front door and were confronted by him sitting there like it (no hall way) and we all stood there staring! Could not hide my shock.. was actually waiting for some plausible explanation for a few seconds! Of course there was none.

I won't mention it do DD. Seems wrong to bring it up. She knows about sex etc but not about wanking. So perhaps all is well.

OP posts:
FioFio · 09/04/2008 17:57

This reply has been deleted

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soontobealone · 09/04/2008 18:12

have you checked the ceiling for stains!!!!

Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 18:12

On the way there this after noon, DD was telling DS(2) that he was going to see [your DD's name] and his eyes were going very wide, as they do when he is excited about something.

I know we're laughing about it now, but they will of course have all the same feelings and urges as any teenagers, and being as neither of them have any idea (or give a toss about!) what's approprate (perhaps they'll develop some awareness of this "in time"? [hopeful smiley]) and they will soon see each other daily and will do probably for the foreseeable future so will know each other well by the time they are teenagers.. it does make you wonder what we might be dealing with! And would we even have any "right" to prevent such a relationship??! We wouldn't.. presumably.. at least after a certain age! It's one to ponder isn't it!

Methinks I am pondering too much for now.. should concentrate my parental concerns on the Wanker Child instead

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 09/04/2008 18:15

I would not have handled it like that. I would have said nothing at all.

I don't think my son would have done it downstairs but then he has a computer in his own room and I've made sure he has a bedroom door he can lock. haven't you ever been caught by your children having sex? Happens to the best of us. How we handle it is the issue.

Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 18:15

Ew soontobealone, you have just made me peer around the keyboard, monitor, modem, shelving, nearby walls etc with great trepidation Still, must not have got to that stage yet, judging by lengths being gone to, to hide nether regions. Although he is a teenage boy.. and someone below's DH used to "do it ten time a day" .. so...

OP posts:
FioFio · 09/04/2008 18:16

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Message withdrawn

Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 18:18

Xenia my son currently does not have a bedroom let alone a door he can lock. Unfortunate but unavoidable and will be rectified soon. We are all living in different sets of circumstances.

This doesn't mean that wanking in the living room and at time when he knows he could be caught can be deemed "ok" in my book.

And to be fair, I think you really WOULD have said SOMETHING if you had walked into that, accompanied by your younger children.

OP posts:
FioFio · 09/04/2008 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

popsycal · 09/04/2008 18:20

I think that now that you have made it clear that it is unacceptable, I don't think I could stop myself from subtley taking the mick.....bad mother me

Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 18:23

Well we have had little jokes about the previous time, (more WITH him that AT him.. he's smirked too) but that was when I really thought that the shock of being caught would not allow him to let it happen again.

Clearly that was not the case and whislt I appreciate the humour in the thread/situation as a whole, I really don't find the thought of it happening AGAIN at all funny.

OP posts:
popsycal · 09/04/2008 18:24

I guess I have this all to....er....come

Rachmumoftwo · 09/04/2008 18:27

Can't you buy him a couple of magazines and some kleenex, and maybe a 'do not disturb' sign for his door?

SirDigbyChickenCaesar · 09/04/2008 18:28

did you tell your DH?

kittywise · 09/04/2008 18:28

I actually feel very sorry for him, poor boy and he is still a child.

I think that your reaction was ott to put it mildly.

You can say that you don't like what he's doing without laying into the poor chap. I don't think you reacted appropriately in this situation.
I really get the feeling that you have a problem with his sexuality!

RTKangaMummy · 09/04/2008 18:35

pmsl @ this thread

sorry I realise you didn't mean it to be funny

I was laughing and DS age 12 heard me,

so I told him what I was laughing at,

YANBU imho esp cos of siblings

Blandmum · 09/04/2008 18:38

If I found my son wanking in the living room I wouldn't have an ishoo with his sexuality I'd have an ishoo with his sense of place and timing, and discretion.

He's a teenager not a toddler, and needs to start considering the thoughts of other people

edam · 09/04/2008 18:42

Eeek. That is a tad embarrassing! Hope he gets the bloody message this time.

ChocolateRockingHorse · 09/04/2008 18:46

You what Kitty? Where has she said she has a problem with him actually DOING it? She said repeatedly, that she had a problem with TIME and PLACE as MB has just said. It's a bit heavy to suggest a issue with his sexuality!

How exactly WOULD you react to finding your son doing it in your living room at a time when he KNEW he may well be disturbed and exposing your younger children to it?

Teenage boys are only legally CHILDREN, not literally. They aren't men either it's true, it's an in-between stage but they can certainly show a ibt more restraint than this I feel.

FoghornLeghorn · 09/04/2008 19:03

Funny funny thread

kittywise · 09/04/2008 19:03

I think it was the fact that the op said this :
And why the hell do men HAVE to so recklessly take advantage of the oh-so-freely available visual stuff.. can't they just use their imaginations??! (I shouted that at him too!)
that makes me thinks she has issues with men/porn/wanking generally.

She calls him a man. He is clearly not.

I feel sorry for the kid, the op didn't have to lay into him like that.

edam · 09/04/2008 19:04

No, she just doesn't want him wanking all over her computer. Which is fair enough.

claricebeansmum · 09/04/2008 19:05

I am with MartianBishop - voice of reason.

His sense of time/place was off - but then he is a teenage boy and of course does not necessarily think before acting

TigerFeet · 09/04/2008 19:10

I don't think the OP overreacted tbh.

He's been caught before, asked not to do it so openly, but has done it anyway. Not only has the OP seen him, but her young dd has too. Imho he OP's reaction was borne of shock and completely understandable.

That's the serious bit over with... this thread has had me smirking

TurkeyLurkey · 09/04/2008 19:16

I agree with Tigerfeet, I don't think the OP overeacted., like she says who wants wanky sweaty hands all over their keyboard. I'd be mad too. Not at the fact that he's doing it, but the time and place.