To ask if its fair that inclusivity has excluded my DC from their hobby?

[DImplesandCheese]

TLDR: ND child is causing my DC to quit much loved hobby as ND child's behaviour is ruining it for them.

Full Story: DC (13) attended a hobby/club and has done for years. 2 years ago a new child joined. The child is ND and their particular behaviours include shouting out, not listening, inappropriate use of kit and refusal to fully participate in activities. DC has complained on and off since this child joined that it is spoiling it. I have encouraged DC to be understanding and supportive, I have spoken with the staff at the club to ask if more support for this child can be put in place. Nothing has changed.

Part of the club involves some unsupervised time and this is DC's favourite part of the club. The last two unsupervised sessions have been completely ruined by this child's behaviour, the group have had to call staff for help to sort it out and therefore their final result for the session has been effected. 2 months ago after the last ones of these sessions I spoke with staff and asked why this child doesn't have a 1 to 1 support/parent staying with them as this is hugely effecting everyone else's enjoyment and I was told that my DC is exaggerating and 'fixating' on this child.

DC came home last night as said he's quitting. This child has wrecked the night's activity again. I spoke to the staff and was told that they 'are an inclusive club and they pride themselves in being open to all' and hinted that DC leaving may well be for the best if he's not happy.

I have 2 ND DC, I get the difficulties, I get that they should have access to clubs and activities, I get that allowances need to be made for their behaviour. I am in no way suggesting the child should be kicked out but surely if you have children leaving because of another child then the support in place for that child isn't right?

AIBU to think that more should be done to support this child correctly so DC can continue to enjoy their hobby and that my DC having to leave is not an acceptable situation?

@Sniffle555 I imagine that your child was appropriately supported at Brownies and Guides though?

It sounds as if lack of guidance and appropriate support is the real issue in the OP’s example. The other children have no idea what to do when the ND child refuses to participate in group activities-because the adults haven’t given them any guidance!

I’m sure you didn’t throw your child and brownies or scouts and leave though?
most parents will prepare their child - as much as possible. Some children will manage it very well and have a positive experience. Some children, like those who do not have SEND, just won’t enjoy it and won’t cope it and maybe will hate it?

Nope, the pack thankfully didn’t have a child trying to oust her. The leaders have said the child is exaggerating. Nobody else has complained. So lovely seeing posters never the less baying for a child with a disability to be removed.

I left my daughter every time.

Being removed? No. Being supported so they are happy, well cared for and safe? Yes.

@Sniffle555 What happened if your child didn’t want to do a group activity?

Nobody cared.

@Sniffle555 But the rest of the children could still do the activity?

That what I think is the real issue in the OP’s example. The kids are told to work together as a group and presumably not to exclude anyone. If one child refuses to do it, they try to accommodate them, it doesn’t work, and then they don’t do the activity/it’s badly done.

The adults need to tell them what to do if the child refuses to participate- and reassure them that they won’t get into trouble if they go ahead without him. Job done.

Carrying weaker members of a team is a life skill. Kids are used to this as children aren’t now packed off to special schools, every class has kids refusing or not participating in group activities. Trust me schools don’t have 121s to support them all to join in either.

Maybe go back to the group and explain the easier way around is that this child simply doesn't get paired up with your son or in his group, if they are claiming your DS is fixated on this child, they will be happy to accommodate.
Don't allow your DC to give up based on this, teach him that we try to find ways around it.

We ensure parents stay with some of our SEN kids or kids that are struggling to get involved, another set of hands and eyes can be vital.
We adapt activities to suit the needs of some of our children to try and ensure it is a good space for all.

Also it's a waste of everyone's time and money if the activities can't get completed properly.

If the child in question was taking part in the activities, I would agree with you, but from what the OP says they are not. #

So this isn't about carrying weaker members of the team or life skills.

One child says they’re not. Adult leaders say he’s exaggerating. Nobody else has complained.

The OP says that the group he was in complained.

As for the Adult leaders, I don't know them anymore than I know the OP.

@Sniffle555 I agree that carrying weaker members of the team is a life skill. The kids need to be taught how to do this- that if X refuses to participate, for example, it’s fine for someone else to do his part and let him play.

Children learn and are taught life skills, they aren’t born with them. It sounds as if they need some guidance in this situation and they’re not getting it.

@saraclara You sound to have been an exemplary teacher, persevering, imaginative, and sensible - the children you taught were fortunate.

It's not inclusive if they're not supporting those who need more support.