Are we BU to move kids to NI from SE England?

[Putyoursunscreenon]

I am from NI originally and DH is English. We live in the SE due to DH's work in London. We have 2 x dcs who are 7yo and 9yo.

We've always been keen to go back to NI for a few reasons. Dh has been going over there to visit since we were 19/20 yo and loves it as much as, if not more than, I do.

DH is planning to keep working in his current job and flying back to go to the office. Possibly every week (!), but I'm really hoping he won't have to do that.

DH is especially keen to do it. I think the pressure of the cost of living here is getting to him which I absolutely understand.

Pros are:

1. nearer my family and old friends who dh likes a lot
2. we would be mortgage free after selling our house over here and buying something bigger, near the sea in NI (which is nuts)
3. dh, dcs and I love it there

Cons are:

1. further from dh family
2. dh would have to travel for work
3. I won't have a job there to start with. I can't work remotely and don't have the sort of skill set where I'd walk into another job if we moved. However, we could afford for me not to work for a while (or at all, but I wouldn't choose to be a SAHM long term)
4. dcs are well settled here and have some nice friends at school. I'm worried about disrupting their lives

As a fellow NI poster, by all means do it. Your DC are at an age where they will easily settle elsewhere. Prep schools (fees in NI are very affordable as I’m sure you know) in particular are very used to new pupils coming/going, they’d fit in no problem.

I really do think that there is a better quality of life here in terms of schooling, unrivalled access to the outdoors (within 15 mins of home I can be in central Belfast, at the beach or in the middle of the countryside!) and lower cost of living, although as with everywhere in the UK at the minute there has been a noticeable increase and many are struggling.

The only thing that would put me off is the lack of access to healthcare - you really do need to have private health insurance to live in NI nowadays. Our waiting lists are the worst in Europe.. I’ve had lots of experience of the NHS in SE England, it is genuinely like a different world compared to our crumbling system 😞

Do it. We moved home (other end of the island) when DS was 7, ad while I won’t say it was entirely easy for him (English-born and very settled and happy where we’d lived), it was the right decision.

Have you considered doing a trial run?

Hiring an AirBnB in NI for a couple of months over the summer, your DH commuting, you taking some paid (& possibly unpaid) time off work, mixed with your H doing the same, so you can trial living in NI, but you not give up your job just yet and you DH can see if the commuting thing actually works?

See how living near your family actually is, see how the long flight commute is (& if delays etc are common), or if DH gets tempted to actually remain in SE UK when he's knackered at the end of a long week, rather than fly back to NI.

I only say this because it's close enough to do this, and price wise, once you've moved out of the SE (& given up your job) you're unlikely to be able to afford to move back. It would be awful if you moved only to find out that after a fortnight, your DH wasn't prepared to do the commute anymore, or Aunty Susan popping in every day does your head in.

I'm biased, but do it. Life is slower paced and more affordable here than the SE and Dublin (where I'm from). Assuming you'll be in a naice, leafy, mixed area it's a wonderful place to raise kids.

The education threads on here terrify me, it's all so intense for both the kids and the teachers. But you would have to face the transfer test, which I'm not at yet with mine.

What area would you be hoping to move to OP?

Are you sure your skill set won't allow you to find a job?

Thanks all. I like the idea of a trial run and imagine we would do that before me handing in my notice or selling the house.

@stressedespresso somewhere near Belfast for the airport. I am from North Down so most likely around Bangor / Holywood / Crawfordsburn sort of area

No, there's a chance I'd be able to get a job there, but I'm being cautious planning for the worst (not having one)

Thought as much @Putyoursunscreenon , that's where I am. Don't you miss the sea?

😂 you can take the girl out of Bangor...

Yes, I do miss the sea a lot!

You ain't taking me out of Bangor, even if I am a blow in. I'm going nowhere!

Seriously though, I grew up by the sea in Dublin and would hate not to see it everyday. It's so calming. DH always thought I was mad but ten years on he's the same.

I moved my kids from one UK nation to another at a similar age. They did not find it easy at all and didn't settle in their new school at all, despite the effort I put into choosing it. This meant, led by them, they moved again after one academic year to a third school.
This whole process led to a hugely stressful time for them. Add learning a new language into the equation, and they very much resented the move. It was probably 10 years before they stopped blaming us for the move and its effects on them.
So my advice would be to not underestimate the effects on your children and to consider that things that you think are positive differences (big house, near sea)may not actually be perceived as positives at all by your children. They might only see being uprooted from friends, school and family. Or living miles from anywhere instead of close to everything.
There's lots to consider op, good luck x

How lovely - I adore Holywood. Such a wonderful little town with lots going on. It would certainly be home for us if my work and DD’s school weren’t based in BT9! One day I will get my seaside dream…

Sorry to butt in, but curious. Why is NI NHS so drastically different to the rest of the UK? Posting from ROI, so no experience of the NHS, but I thought it would be standard?

Do it! We did it (from Scotland - not England) and haven’t regretted it for a second.

DCs were 14, 11 & 9 when we moved here and they have thrived here. You’ll know yourself that the quality of education is outstanding and the parental choice in post-primaries is significantly better than in England (or Scotland). Transfer test really doesn’t have to be the stress that people
make it out to be - honestly!

DH commutes to London - over the last 5 years it has varied from weekly to once a month, but is currently about 1 week in every 3. Our DC are older now but it’s genuinely fine. We have a much better quality of life here than we ever had in Scotland and DC have far more independence than they had there so they lead busy and fulfilled lives which makes it much easier for me with DH gone.

As for where to live: like you say: you can take the girl out of Bangor…

Yes, these are my worries! Bar the language part. They do love their primary school and have some lovely little friends etc.

Oh, and as you’re from Bangor, do be aware that Ballyholme prices are bonkers right now. It’s fine on London salaries, but still significantly higher than it was even 2/3 years ago. A lot of locals not happy at being priced out of the market

Ah, you're from my neck of the woods, so to speak!

I'm biased, but go for it! I'd have done it when the kids were younger, but other people interfered too much which put paid to that.

North Down areas you mentioned are still great places to raise kids.

I did that commute about once a month for a while. It was shit - and the choice of flights has reduced since then. Plus not being great for climate.

It's a lovely place to live, as you know, but if at all possible I'd be looking for ways to make it a full move so you could both work here rather than keeping 1 work foot in England.

Re the NHS, @DanielGault , health is a devolved matter. Having been without Stormont rather a lot over the past few years it's dropped behind the rest of the UK because no budget decisions could be made and a lot of things that were introduced in the rest of the NHS couldn't be implemented here because there was nobody to pass the legislation. And the small population means it's less feasible to have some of the specialist centres (some of which is mitigated by cross-border arrangements.with Ireland, but not all).

I've no experience of NI, but it sounds lovely!

The suggestion of you all spending the summer there for you to trial living there and your DH commuting back is a great one, I'd do that sooner rather than later.

You'd ideally want to move quickly, while your DC's are still in primary school, so that there are a number of new people when they move up and they won't stand out as much.

Your DH sounds more on board than you which is great, as it means you're not dragging him there, which means it's much more likely to succeed.

I'd 100% go for it if I were you, being mortgage free would be bliss

Just be really thoughtful about what you want from schools and where. If you are looking for grammar, do you want mixed or single sex? Will your 9 year old cope with SEAG or what alternative non selective school would you like?

I would also do it. I'm no longer resident here but I wfh here every 3 weeks as my dad is ill. It's just a better quality of life. It's simple things like how friendly everyone is. Both my parents have had/having terminal illnesses and their experience of the NHS here is wonderful but yes, the waiting list for everything else is horrific.

I love NI but I'm bias. I'd check what primary school places would be avaliable. If you thinking of eldest doing the transfer test for grammar it's probably better to move ASAP so they have all the prep in primary.

Thanks for the explanation!

I’d say do it, but I’m very biased!

We’re outside Lisburn, kids at a prep and there are a lot of English accents at the school gates. I know of a few parents in both my kids classes who are originally from NI, studied and married English partners across the water and have moved back now the babies are school age.