… to object to the funeral parlour unloading body bags at the end of my street?

[CoralQuoter]

There’s a row of shops at right angles to our street, where the back entrances face onto a small cut through road and the back alley between rows of houses. One of these shops is a funeral parlour, which has recently expanded. They now park two massive hearses in the shared alley, and frequently ask us to move our car so they can fit the hearse through the narrow road if we park there (it’s a public street and the only way we can access the back of our house) They also load and unload body bags (with bodies in!) from the back of the private ambulance in the public street, and my DD4 asks what’s in the bags, which is… not a fun chat? My DS11 hates it and won’t walk round the back as its “too creepy”. Not only this, but they leave bags of rubbish out on the street which the seagulls get into and encourage rats. I’ve tried complaining to the council, but they say the only thing they can do is “register my complaint” with the bin collection service. AIBU to think a small terrace shop isn’t the place to run a funeral parlour from, especially if there’s no room to privately unload body bags?

It may have been the case in the past to use the hearse to remove the deceased from the home, hospital etc. But the space is usually very small and full of other equipment like trolleys and trestles.

At the company I work for we use a private ambulance, with a stretcher...there are no body bags as the body is wrapped and covered.

We store the body in a big cold room. Clinical waste is specially bagged/collected. The body is prepared to the families wishes and placed in the coffin until the funeral

Cue many many 'You should've have thought of that before you bought your house!' comments from the RTFT non-conformers ...

I know. So bloody frustrating!

It may have been the case in the past to use the hearse to remove the deceased from the home, hospital etc. But the space is usually very small and full of other equipment like trolleys and trestles.

Yes, both my DDad and FIL were collected from home/care home in private ambulances not hearses, I was just responding to the pp who mentioned body bags not being on show in the hearse.

The OP says the hearses are too big for the yard and that she sees body bags being carried so I assume that the hearses are being used in this way. Presumably if a van was being used there wouldn't be a problem in the first place? Anyway the whole place sounds dodgy to me and I wouldn't want my loved one being looked after there.

Yes, both my DDad and FIL were collected from home/care home in private ambulances not hearses

Same with my late mum, @Sweetpeasaremadeforbees, and rather than a body bag she was carried covered up on a stretcher

Obviously this meant her being on public view for the short time it took to reach the van, but the difference with funeral directors' premises is that it's reasonable to expect them to be properly organised, not least because unlike a private home they're transporting the deceased all the time

If you're blocking the road, then yeah you are unreasonable. You say it's undignified, but you didn't mention that in your original post. Thought it was just you not wanting to answer your kids questions?

Unloading body bags in full view of the street and the public is not on in my opinion. Thinking about it, other funeral parlours take great pains to be discreet and respectful. YANBU about this OP.
As to trying to explain to children, words fail me.

I’d start to refuse to move my car.

This may force them to find a more suitable premises.

Where does Op say she’s blocking the road?

You are not being unreasonable about the rubbish and I would keep complaining about that to the council

But you are unreasonable about the body bags. It's a funeral parlour. There will be bodies. People die. Just tell your kid the truth. Also I just wouldn't park my car there.

My work looks onto the back of a funeral home which puts the coffins into hearses in a back lane of a pretty rough area. The lane is also quite heavily used for parking for the high street that the funeral home is on. We look out of the window and are like “oh look another funeral”. It’s their job. I wouldn’t want (or choose) to live near it and if I’m sat at my desk I can’t see unless I stand up. It doesn’t bother me, because of my line of work but there’s a co-op funeral care up the street so I imagine they store bodies too, it’s too far up the high street for me to see from the window though. I think the locations are pretty often like that.

As for you parking, it sounds like you are causing the obstruction, although without seeing it that’s hard to tell.

My garden backs onto a funeral home and I never give it a second thought. In fact my husband once had a “cold call” about a funeral plan and he told them “the wife will probably chuck me over the back fence to the funeral home.
we need to stop making death something not spoken about as then it becomes “scary and creepy” to children.

Report to the council

We have 2 funeral parlours at the end of our road. It’s a terrace of shops with one on each end. One has some brightly coloured personalised coffins in the window and they change frequently.
My kids have always known what they are and often make comments when we pass daily when the display changes and say things like ‘ooh grandad would have liked that one’ etc. Nothing massively creepy. It’s part of life. They’re teens now but we’ve lived there since they were born. We don’t see them moving the deceased though. They do seem to have a back parking area where they park up the hearses and private ambulance (which I had no idea was one until they came to collect my dad when he passed away) but to be fair there’s a business in the middle where you drive in and can park behind there too so some people may well see thing.

I’d definitely complain about the rubbish though. Contents of the rubbish might be poisonous to wildlife passing by. But can’t think that would be loads of rubbish from a funeral parlour.

I presume you wouldn't actually chuck him over the fence.
In fact I'd hazard a guess you might find it quite upsetting if you looked out of your window and saw body bags and wondered if your late husband was in one of them.

Death and dealing with dead bodies is steeped in tradition, ritual, respect & religion.

That does not mean you can't have a wickedly dark humour or that you don't talk to your children about death.

The amount of people on here who don't think children should go to funerals has surprised me.

I used to work in a kid's hospital, and the deceased were taken away via the back loading bay. They were always in body bags (or in a basket to carry).
I know in more general/adult hospital, they move the dead in a metal box, but where I worked... that would be rather upsetting to the parents and kids milling about in the corridors. So they would treat the patient as if they were still alive and move them in full view (if it they could not be moved during the night), but with equipment and nurses instead of just a couple of porters.
If a ward had access to the goods lift (which the public would not be near), then they would not bother with that. They didn't even cover them up.
A few times I was in the lift with my lunch, and was sharing the space with a patient who had just died. It didn't bother me, but there are a lot of hospital staff that are not used to that and would get upset.

no way was this approve for planning
how do you expet to load bodies in this street

oh we'll just ask them to move-ok then

they lied

they lied

You'll hurt your shoulder reaching like that.
It's not illegal to bring a body from the street into a funeral home. It's not even against the Funeral Directors Code of Practice. People here might not like it, but it doesn't seem like they are doing anything wrong.

Something isn't really adding up here..

I still don't follow how cars are blocking access to a vehicle smaller than a fire appliance or ambulance, but still allowing those larger vehicles access.

I also don't buy the whole 'hearses are too long' - bodies are not typically taken TO a funeral home in a hearse. They're moved in a private ambulance which may be a small van, significantly smaller than an ambo or a fire appliance.

Why the lack of diagram?

Is it possible the OP does not actually have the right to park there, that the funeral home were fine backing into their yard to unload, UNTIL people like OP started parking somewhere they shouldn't?

Where are the hearses being parked if they can't access the yard, and how did they access the yard when the yard was smaller, before the business expanded?

So what happens if you continue parking where you say you've been parking for the past 12 years? How many of your neighbours park there? Do the funeral parlour staff know who all these cars belong to? If they can't fit their hearse through, are they phoning you up or coming round to ring the bell at your front door, and asking you to move it? What happens if you don't answer? What if you've been drinking and can't legally drive?
Why no diagram? i thought it was obligatory to supply one for any parking -related thread!

Transporting body bags…with bodies in them! What do you think the contents of body bags normally are?

We have lived across from a funeral home for 25 years. My husband also worked there.
The bodies are transported in body bags in private ambulances. If you didn’t know there was a section in the car for transporting bodies you wouldn’t give the cars a second look.

When I worked at the local hospital I would see them driving up to the morgue from our office window.

I have seen the body bags being removed but in 25 years only occasionally, and when walking the dog in the early hours. They really are discreet. As others who live or work around funeral directors have said you also get used to the funerals.

Im wondering if you are finding more to complain about this whole scenario because it creeps you out more than you like to think? At six my Gran used to take me around the cemetery to visit her friends. I knew they were dead. My Gran didn’t mess about. Why is it so difficult to tell your kids?

Our funeral directors over the road was taken over about 6 years back when the last owner retired. Both owners have been friendly to neighbours, discreet with the business and are well respected.

Instead of complaining to the council, has it never crossed your mind to discuss the rubbish bags with the creepy business, you might even find they are normal helpful people just doing a job that all of us, even them, will be in need off someday.

The problem seems to be that they aren't being discreet

@CoralQuoter - if the funeral parlour does not have a private yard or loading/unloading area, where the bodies of the deceased can be brought privately into the building, they should use screens - that is a reasonably practical solution.

We lost my mum last year, and I wouldn't have been happy if I knew that anyone passing could have seen her being taken into the Funeral Directors' premises.

With regard to the rubbish, I would carry on complaining to the local refuse service, and I would also be going to the premises in person, to complain.

I lived in a flat over an undertakers, lovely people and very approachable and kind. It was very well managed and discreet because I was never aware of any movement of bodies. My parents in law were ridiculous and refused to visit us, which suited me.
Why not go and speak to them about the bins.

I would decidedly contact Planning. And continue to park your car there. If you are legally parked on a public street, they need to realise the problem is theirs. I'm also wondering about Highways and Public Health Regulations - for the bodies not just the rubbish. If they're dumping rubbish on a public road when it should be in a Business bin then you can possibly get them for flytipping. One thing I also just realized is that the nature of their business means they most likely have CONTAMINATED rubbish as it will have come into contact with blood and people. This probably needs a Yellow Hazardous Waste Bin... Or pink rubbish bags at a minimum. I would allude to Public Health/Flytipping that you suspect they are putting hazardous waste/contaminated medical waste on the street - which is why the seagulls like it so much...

I would also tell people. Where I live this is the fastest way to get things done or altered. Talk about it in the shops, at school etc.

"It's the families I feel sorry for. Imagine having your loved one traipsed down a back alley. It's hardly the dignified funeral service they signed up for, is it?"

Planning will have had to approve the premises use already