I have a fever and my husband has gone out

[gkhdksigrjijnn]

So I have spent the last two weeks relentlessly caring for two sick children, pretty much alone with no help. This afternoon it has finally got me. I have a fever of 39 and pretty sure I have a chest infection I am feeling dreadful. I am a Sahm which is why most ot the care falls to me.

However it seems to be getting worse and now outside my husband's working hours I'm still doing the majority for our two children one toddler and one older tween.

Yesterday my husband sprang on me this night out with his friends. I did say to him im absolutely exhausted and could do with some help and he promised he wouldnt leave until 8pm so he could put the toddler to bed. So just now at 6pm I say that I need paracetamol we do not have any he huffs for god sake and storms off to the shop two minutes away, comes back and says bye. I say hold on please help with bedtime im feeling awful and he just leaves.

In context he is out as a minimum 2 x a week with friends and travels also with work weeks at a time so half a month I am alone and then often he is out nearly half the week. I would never leave him like that. I feel sad and disappointed.

That was a total dick move on his part.
I presume you have tried the more direct- don’t go out or get a babysitter because I am too sick to watch the DC and take to your bed approach?

It was all within a second didn't have a chance I just said I cant do bedtime please don't go out and he just said bye and left.
He just didn't seem to give a ahit.

I have rang my parents and they are on their way to get at least the tween to bed as they live an hour away. So I can just go to bed. For weeks I have had no sleep, not even a chance to watch tv as im doing caring for sick children all the while hes got feet up for football or tennis even or going out. So sad that he cares this little about me.

He’d probably spend more time with your kids if you weren’t together. That’s the tragic thing with these guys it seems like they have zero interest in actually being a family. Imagine looking back thinking “oh what great games of tennis/ nights out with the same three friends” all the while you miss your kids actually growing up.

Erm... not sure I'd let him back in. He can stay with his mates since they're top of his priority list.

It'd be ultimatum time for me. To be honest I'd be too mortified to stay with him after my parents had found out what he's like.

So true, I love my children to pieces, love spending time with them. Normally I am happy being the go to parent. But tonight was one time I needed him to give me a hand. Sad thing is I have been with him most my life and unsure to how it has got this bad. He is even unresponsive to everyone at the dinner table he is in his own single selfish world.

My toddler needs me to watch them fall asleep so currently here for at least 15-20 more minutes and then at least I can go to bed.

I often think if we split he would actually have to get involved but in his head he does as if its football or tennis with older child he is there with bells on as it interests him. But actual care, homework, baths, meals, cuddles, stories, playing games he manages for a few seconds and defaults to lets put a movie on.

Thats what I feel like I can imagine my parents may not be able to hold back some of words for him about how selfish he is

Well he’s a piece of shit isn’t he?

^This.

Could you go it alone...

That’s really sad but in staying you’re simply making his life easier in that case because he never has to actually do any of those things, all the while you’re dragged down.

Oh it is just awful. Yet another OP whose partner/DH totally doesn't seem to care when they are ill and needing support.
These men seem totally devoid of any normal human compassion, let alone love, for their partners. The person they are supposed to love and care for.
If I were you OP I would be taking this as a wakeup call for exactly where you stand in your relationship and would be considering your future together. I can't get past the lack of care and human decency displayed by some men in some relationships.

Sadly feels like it yes. Anyone who knows us would be so shocked as he puts on the most wonderful caring, lovely persona with everyone thinking he is great.

Sorry he's such a pig.
If he's not parenting or being a partner I'm not sure I'd tolerate him much longer either.

IME he probably won't spend more time with his DC's if you split but it's his loss. I hope your parents continue to support you. And get well soon.

Poor you; he sounds awful and incredibly selfish and uncaring. I'm glad your parents are coming to help. It sounds pointless to stay with him -are you in a position to split? From your posts it sounds like this isn't a new thing.

I have a good past career and could earn a decent amount full time as usual I have put it on the back burner for the last few years so at the moment I have no independent money although we are fully joint.

I am actually job hunting at the moment but it was part time.

I could go it alone as I am basically alone anyway but financially would be a big hardship for the children and would seriously affect them which is all that is in my mind. Normally i go through cross phases and then seem to get on with I have made my bed I will lie in it. So hard as couldn't imagine not seeing the children everyday but this feels unforgivable. Thats exactly what I text him. Just this is unforgivable.

I do so much for him and our family and even his elderly parents and get nothing back.

Not right now when you're feeling rotten but maybe it's time to look at what separating might look like for you OP? If you're a SAHM currently that might mean some fairly big changes which will take time to implement so it's a good idea to think about it well before things become unbearable. His actions tonight can't really fail to damage your feelings for him and as he's unlikely to change that will only get worse. Start planning now while you have time and space to arrange things to your own advantage is my advice, time to prioritise yourself OP, that's what he is doing after all.

Besides the point maybe, but can a tween not put themselves to bed?

You have one life OP. Do you want to spend it being a skivvy to a selfish arsehole who doesn't appreciate you?

Once you've recovered, you should sit down and re-assess where you are in life. Choice is yours.

Remember that no amount of pleading, shouting or therapy can change a person. This is who he is.

Yes they could but would they on time or rake advantage to stay up till the middle of the night and probably visit me at least 10 times!

Going to bed now thanks everyone will be taking me time to think about what I want the future to look like

This Think it's unnecessary for you to get your parents to drive an hour. But if your dh isn't pulling their weight you'd be better off on your own with a job and claiming CM.
.

What good does he bring to your life?
That is the only question you need to weigh up.

Seems a bit over the top,to get your parents to drive so far for a tween unless there is a particular problem with your tween.

Your husband has been really horrible and I'd be so sad if I were you. He has shown you that he really doesn't care about you.

Spousal support and child maintenance, without working, could you afford to stay in the house with predominant custody of your kids?

It's time to put your needs ahead of his and his parents, he can go live with them and give them the support while he finds somewhere else to live.

This man is not a parent. Your kids also deserve better.

IMO I'd have text him not to come home tonight.

Definitely leave him if you can. He’s shown he doesn’t give a shit about you

Ugh this sounds horrible and I really feel for you OP. Taking on all the childcare yourself is hard enough but being poorly too is just the worst. For him to witness you struggling and then to huff and puff over some f*ing paracetamol speaks volumes about his character.

You and your children deserve to be loved.

I wouldn't be with a man like this