I have a fever and my husband has gone out

[gkhdksigrjijnn]

So I have spent the last two weeks relentlessly caring for two sick children, pretty much alone with no help. This afternoon it has finally got me. I have a fever of 39 and pretty sure I have a chest infection I am feeling dreadful. I am a Sahm which is why most ot the care falls to me.

However it seems to be getting worse and now outside my husband's working hours I'm still doing the majority for our two children one toddler and one older tween.

Yesterday my husband sprang on me this night out with his friends. I did say to him im absolutely exhausted and could do with some help and he promised he wouldnt leave until 8pm so he could put the toddler to bed. So just now at 6pm I say that I need paracetamol we do not have any he huffs for god sake and storms off to the shop two minutes away, comes back and says bye. I say hold on please help with bedtime im feeling awful and he just leaves.

In context he is out as a minimum 2 x a week with friends and travels also with work weeks at a time so half a month I am alone and then often he is out nearly half the week. I would never leave him like that. I feel sad and disappointed.

Hope you feel better soon op. Your husband is a selfish twat

Feel better soon.

I think I would message him that your parents are coming to look after the tween since apparently nothing is more important than his social life, and that he’s to sleep in the spare room/on the sofa because you’re ill enough without having to also share the bed with someone so selfish.

And then deal with the bigger issue of divorcing the twat when you’re feeling well again.

God if I was your mum I'd be locking the door and making sure the idiot can't get back in, let his friends have him since they're apparently far more important to him than his wife and children.

So sorry you're with such a useless specimen of humanity OP, I hope you feel better soon and can get rid of the man lump and set yourself free.

Your husband is an absolute dick and you should have read him the riot act. Your older child can put themselves to bed and I certainly wouldn't have my parents come to fall ill themselves.

Sleep well OP. If he gets it too then he's on his own

My husband wouldn't do this either and he would never complain about going to get pain killers or anything we seriously need at 3am let alone at a normal time of the evening... I'm not saying this to boast op , just saying so you know this isn't normal and if he even tries to make you feel like you're being over the top or gas lights you.. don't doubt yourself for one minute.

Wow.
The giant shitbag got torn recently and these "husbands" spilled out.
Sorry OP, hope you feel better soon.
☕🌸

Don't do anything at all for him or his parents now. Don't lift a finger.

He is a dick. You can do better. You are already doing it on your own anyway.

If you have whooping cough you need antibiotics. Your parents will also possibly need them too if they had a lot of exposure to you.

Try and get some sleep and then phone the GP in the morning.

Leave dealing with your H until you feel a bit better and have the energy. Don't do anything for him at all, you need to conserve your energy for you.

That's absolutely awful. He is absolutely taking the piss. You'd be a lot better off without him.

I hope you do feel better soon but consider a GP appointment aschesg infections can then nasty.

These men are just awful. In his mind he might think you are trying to control him, which makes him the victom so justifies him leaving. It does show he has no compassion or empathy which makes a healthy relationship impossible.

Ideally you leave him but it's not always that simple. I'd stop doing the things for his parents and when he is sick.

When my mum died I swore to myself I'd never help dh sort out his parents decline. I asked him for help with the LPA and my sister. Neither could get round to it. Then she died. I let my sister sort the entire estate. I said to both I'm on my knees I can't cope. So why would I choose to do that again. If I did I'd get lumped with everything so on that basis I will offer nothing. I had to go to a mental health crisis hub.

People see you coping and doing so they sit back and let you do it all.

God op we all had whooping cough about a month ago - all 4 of us (me and 3 teens/young adults) and it was brutal. I really feel your pain. He's an arsehole, but sadly this is exactly what my ex husband was like. They really just can't see beyond their own wants and needs.

Divorce was my solution and I've never regretted that decision even though it's tough managing everything alone (he doesn't see them any more - his choice).

I’m so sorry you are still married to a man that not only doesn’t help you as a parent but actively makes life harder. It seems the only thing he brings to the family table is his wage.
and it seems he’s not shy about spending it on himself.

Well he’s a complete arsehole isn’t he?? Fuck that, can’t help look after his own kids when his wife is poorly?? He’s telling you exactly what he thinks of you!! I’d be listening to that loud and clear

I hope you've woken up slightly improved OP. Best of luck.

It was just the usual sorry I didn't realise you were ill this morning!! So just an excuse.

Been to the doctors and have pneumonia so got some medication and an inhaler to help. So hopefully will feel better soon.

Like PP said whooping cough is awful and relentless its a living nightmare and stops sleep every night in our house.

My parents will be fine they didn't come near me and dealt with my toddler being sick from coughing and putting the tween to bed so was so pleased they came over to help as I just slept.

He’s claiming he didn’t realise you were ill? The mind boggles.

hope you recover asap

Poor you! Pneumonia is awful- I hope he feels like a total cock, but sadly from what you have posted I doubt it. Of course he knew you were ill, you told him multiple times and asked him to stay at home -because you were ill. The audacity of him.

So he’s a flagrant liar, as well as a monstrously selfish piece of shit.

I’m so sorry, OP. Feel better soon.

Thank goodness for your parents OP. Your DH is an absolute POS. You are right he doesn't care. No decent human would have gone out in those circumstance especially if it's something they do regularly. He seems to have engineered his life so he has very little responsibility for caring for any of you. As PP have said he would probably have a more meaningful relationship if the DC if he had them one weekend a month. And you could find someone to share your life with or not, but at least you would have another child to deal with.

Weren't you all vaccinated against whooping cough?

You need to go back to work fulltime and get your independence back for a start, and you need to lay down the law to the POS you are married to.

Tell him how embarrassed you were that your parents had to cover for him, and that he needs to take time off work to mind your children because you're not wel enough and you won't be doing it.

Stop doing anything for his parents too because that is his job not yours.

Hope you feel better soon x

I know quite a few people who have had whooping cough even though they are vaccinated. I'm one of them!

Default parents and home makers need regular breaks, holidays and peace and quiet, just the same as salaried people.

The dangerous and misogynistic narrative that non salaried working people (that's what SAHM are) aren't entitled to rest, and time out for own pursuits needs to stop.

We need to stop men from peddling this narrative and more importantly, we as women need to stop pushing it too.

Mothers are not domestic appliances.