I have a fever and my husband has gone out

[gkhdksigrjijnn]

So I have spent the last two weeks relentlessly caring for two sick children, pretty much alone with no help. This afternoon it has finally got me. I have a fever of 39 and pretty sure I have a chest infection I am feeling dreadful. I am a Sahm which is why most ot the care falls to me.

However it seems to be getting worse and now outside my husband's working hours I'm still doing the majority for our two children one toddler and one older tween.

Yesterday my husband sprang on me this night out with his friends. I did say to him im absolutely exhausted and could do with some help and he promised he wouldnt leave until 8pm so he could put the toddler to bed. So just now at 6pm I say that I need paracetamol we do not have any he huffs for god sake and storms off to the shop two minutes away, comes back and says bye. I say hold on please help with bedtime im feeling awful and he just leaves.

In context he is out as a minimum 2 x a week with friends and travels also with work weeks at a time so half a month I am alone and then often he is out nearly half the week. I would never leave him like that. I feel sad and disappointed.

F

You got your parents to drive an hour (each way?) to supervise a tween going to bed - seems OTT. Your husband does sound like an arse though.

I hope your parents stay long enough till he gets home, he should be ashamed of himself.

I mean, they did say they're ill, so I assume the parents would be doing more than just putting the tween to bed. Have you ever been ill and looked after a child?

See this is the thing, as soon as an OP writes “he does this all the time” or “he’s out 2 nights a week minimum”

Why do you put up with that? If you let him treat you like this long term then being unwell isn’t going to make him any different

If he constantly disrespects you by not helping out with the kids then why do you expect a change in him

You need to put your foot down and also go out once a week yourself. You need a break too. If you already feel like a single parent then you can tell him he ups his game or you’ll split

(P.S I know I sound harsh but thought if I be blunt it’s like tough love)

'he is out as a minimum 2 x a week with friends'

What the fuck

It sounds like he reacted badly today as you are sick but perhaps you should rethink your arrangement as a stay at home mum when you are better. You say “However it seems to be getting worse and now outside my husband's working hours I'm still doing the majority for our two children one toddler and one older tween”; surely you would be doing more of the looking after the kids and the house outside of his “working hours” if you are a stay at home mum and don’t work - isn’t the benefit of the arrangement of a working parent and one not that the one who is working can commit to work and the other sorts everything else out? If you want a split then you both work and both do childcare?

OP is saying when her husband gets home from work, he doesn’t do much of the childcare so she is left to do it.

Just because OP is stay at home, naturally she will do most of the childcare but when husband is home doesn’t mean she has to do it alone every evening too whilst he goes out

I work part time but wouldn’t be happy if my DH came home on the days I didn’t work expecting not to lift a finger

When a parent is ill is the time to stop worrying about bedtime being perfect IMO, even if it means one night of kids eating snacks for dinner and still being awake at midnight.

Not sure I would have got my parents over for then to catch whatever this bug is, either, not just to save a normal bedtime. Can totally understand wanting them there, just not sure it's that wise.

I’m so sorry op. He seems to have checked out. Make the most of your parents being in the house and catch up on sleep and strength but I think you know what needs to happen or you wouldn’t have posted here. It won’t be easy but I think you will feel much happier on your own.

I agree fully your husband has behaved terribly, but I also am surprised you got your parents to drive two hours to put a tween to bed, I’m sorry I find that quite selfish, the tween should be able to go to bed themselves. They are not an infant.

This.. but I'm thinking she already does!

Both children have whooping cough neither is contagious anymore as they have had the right antibiotics but both can wake with coughing fits and be sick and need help. I think probably thats what I have now got. Wouldn't normally ask for help like this. I just need a rest although coughing so much I cant sleep.

Of course he does. The most selfish cunts always do.

He’s appalling, OP. I hope you get rid of him.

Absolutely! Wise words!

Well, there you are. He has shown you he doesn't care about you.

My husband would never do this. Because he loves me.

I'd be inclined to tell your husband to sling his hook.

This is so sad.
If you can’t rely on your partner to help you out when you’re poorly, then who can you.

Try and get some sleep and I hope you feel a bit better tomorrow 💐

He’s a selfish piece of shit.

Sorry OP. Get well soon.

I hope your parents give him hell when he gets home! Feel better soon, OP!

As for your entitled selfish dickbrain husband, talk to him about his behaviour and attitude when you're feeling up to it.

What did you parents have to say about this? Because if this was my dad your DH would not be let back in and would be in for a world of pain when he did come back to the house. Your husband is a selfish nasty twat get rid of him and get back to work.

Why have you put up with that?!

Bloody hell. Get rid.
I'm sorry you're feeling rubbish. Your husband is supposed to be your teammate, your support.
He's a horrible pos.

Stop putting up with his behaviour, or you are teaching your tween DD to do the same when she is older too.

Leave, and be mindful with his shit parenting skills that your kids may not want to see him much anyway....you don't have to leave them (especially the toddler) with him more than you and they feel comfortable with...they don't have to go overnight if you don't feel he would give them the care they need.

Maybe get grandparents involved to help with the contact if they are better with the children than he is.

Let him go to court and battle it out (doubt he would anyway as he doesn't seem to care about them either)

Sorry, that should have read, tell HIM to leave!

Honestly you would be less lonely, less overwhelmed and less stressed if you were a single mum. Living with someone who treats you like rubbish is draining. It sucks all the energy and hope out of you. Please let this be the last time this bastard treats you like this.