To want to stay at home with my DS.....

[Harrybee]

I returned to work just over a year ago from having 10 months off Maternity leave and ever since i have been really down in the dumps and feel that my DH doent understand how i feel. I work full time and get very tired from doing so and doing all the running of the house etc.

I have spoken to my DH to see if its possible for me to go part time but his answer was NO WE CANT OFFORD IT!!

Am i being unreasonable to want to stay at home to look after my DS and be a SAHM??

Honest opions please....

Oh god these issues are always so difficult. Could you possibly bear to sell your body (or rather rent) in the afternoons while LO has a nap. I understand this can bring in much more than the average day job.

I proposed this to my DH as a solution to full-time work but oddly he wasn't particularly pro. Yours might be more open minded and even value the experience you may gain.

I dont think YABU to want to stay at home but I also understand your husbands worries re money - financially supporting a large mortgage and child is a huge responsibility.

Could you work nights until the little one starts school - at least then you'd be home in the day and have childcare at night in the form of hubby. Could you start earlier and perhaps work 4 days instead of 5?

Ok, after reading everyones advice yesterday i went home and look at our finance spreadsheet. Our total outgoings (including absoultly everything, ie, food shopping, bills, mortgage and the allowance for the odd takeaway every month) is a total £1750. This does not include my DH or my car insurance, MOT or services as we pay for these ourself and not out the joint account. My DH also pays £120 pcm child benifit to his Daughter from a previous relationship (and just to add he hasnt seen her in 4 years!!).
I also have a loan which is £200pcm which finishes in Feb 09!! YIPPEE!!

So taking all this into account and everyones helpful advice i now realise that woring is a must and i was living in a different world to think that giving up work would be so easy. I love my DH more than words can describe and to put that much pressure on him wouldnt be fair to anyone in our family.
Im still going to speak with him to see if we can come to an agreement and look into me droping a day.
Thank you all so much for your wise words of wisdon its been really appreciated.

Excuse my bad spelling, im rusing today!

Just remember when you add up your outgoings to factor in all the one-offs like Christmas and other presents - you will probably find that adds another months outgoings at least... Martin Lewis money saving expert website is very good.
But yes, there's nothing like getting some hard facts down to realise what the bottom line is Its only with proper information that you can start to make some sensible decisions.

Glad you feel a lot clearer today, anyway Harry.

I have to say, sometimes it is really good to remind ourselves of the reality of the situation! In my head, my ideal life scenario would be me staying at home (even though ds is at school, shock horror!) but not to do nothing; because I would have time to have a clean house, cook the sort of homecooked food I love to cook every day, be there to go in and help in ds' school, be available for all the little extra sessions school want us to pop in for without it being a huge stress and logistical nightmare, and also to use any SPARE time to indulge in my jewellery making hobby and maybe even turn it into a little business

SIGH

The reality now is that I have to work full time so none of that happens; it's a different family life than I would choose but it's reality

And ds is a very happy child indeed

I'm just more knackered than I would like to be

Good luck anyway Harry, at least you are not so 'conflicted' now!

harrybee, you are very sensible to be prepared to crunch the numbers and realise your dh wasn't bluffing. Good on you.

If you still want to cut your hours, you can take this opportunity to explore cost savings in lifestyle changes and moving house, for future discussions with your dh.

It is a gift to your ds not to put yourselves in debt.

Yes, good on you, harry, for being practical about it. It sounds like you might still have scope to consider a part-time job and that way you could have at least one extra day a week with your son in return for a few sacrifices? Hope you feel happier now, anyway.