To think you can't stop your teenage daughter wearing so much make-up?

[HawfinchGreenfinch]

I have a teenage daughter. Yesterday, I was saying to a friend, who also has a teenage daughter, that I worry a bit about how much make-up she finds it necessary to wear. I wish she felt OK to go out bare-faced, and I also don't like that she's constantly smothered in chemicals (fake tan, foundation, blusher, highlighter, concealer, mascara, eyebrow dye, things for "contouring"... to me, it's mind-blowing).

Friend said, rather piously, "oh, I just wouldn't allow that. It's totally unhealthy".

I feel like a bit of a shit mum today, TBH. Should I stop this? HOW? I always tell her she's beautiful without, that ultimately looks are unimportant, etc. And I do try to make sure she gets reputable brands from real shops (Superdrug, etc), not some shite off the internet. And in general, I just thank my lucky stars that she's not (yet) drinking, vaping, etc. But am I being remiss in not stopping her with this make-up obsession? AIBU to think you can't really stop a teenage girl doing this?

It looks horrible, OP, but in the grand scheme of things, it's trivial.

Parenting teenagers really is about picking your battles wisely imo. Some hills are worth dying on, but this really isn't one of them.

Yes, you will get the smug, "holier than thou" parents who insist that they wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't pay them too much attention, personally. Either they don't yet have kids that age. Or they have kids who happen not to care about this stuff. (My dd was never really fussed about makeup - she wore it for dance shows and that was about it.) Or they're ridiculously controlling and will likely alienate their dc in future if they haven't already done so.

There are boundaries that parents need to impose on their kids. Boundaries to help ensure that they treat others with respect and consideration. Boundaries to help keep them and others safe. Boundaries to help them to live happy, healthy lives in which they can fulfil their potential. How they choose to express themselves through their appearance really isn't one of those boundaries unless there is the potential for them to make permanent changes that they might later regret.

It's totally normal for teenagers to experiment. She is doing no harm to herself or to anyone else. Just nod, smile and let her her on with it. And give your sanctimonious friend a slightly wider berth.

Adding to the chorus of, isn't that what being teenage is about?? I didn't wear much as my mum and sister didn't (and still don't) and my brother took the piss out of me a bit for wearing it. I think that's a shame as I'm still not very confident wearing it as I didn't go through the teenage slathering it on stage and I'm in my 50s.

How about a trip to a good make up artist to do you both? One who isn't going to sell you loads of shit...

But honestly, from my experience of teenage girls, they mostly grow out of it...

Most women I see wear barely any. I'm not keen on loads. Trying things out is fine. Wearing loads daily seems a shame.

I think parenting is difficult enough without so called friends sticking their noses in! So your friend won't allow her daughter to wear make up, doesn't mean you have to be so cut and dry with it! Having an unhealthy attitude also isn't healthy!

A teenager will naturally want to experiment with their looks - it's part of forming an identity! However we can definitely educate our young people!

It wouldn't be unreasonable to point her in the right direction, that's what parenting in my opinion is about, not banning everything! If your friend is going to ban her daughter from things - good luck to her!

I definitely recall my bad make up choices- blue lipstick being one 😂

It’s not a battle I would pick, I also had bad acne and wore a full face of make up from the age of 14. And that was in the 90s pre-social media. I didn’t go out without make up till my mid-30s. No one died.

Does piss me off when parents criticise how you deal with a teen issue that they themselves will never have to face. Eg I have girls who have never gamed no interest in it would keep my mouth shut if a friend was concerned about her sons gaming can’t imagine saying “just stop him doing it MINE never game”. Urgh.

The 'I wouldn't allow it brigade' often end up having to fight other battles further down the line

But presumably you are not a teenage girl, I am in my mid 40s and I don’t see many of my friends wearing lots of makeup on a daily basis but we aren’t discovering who we are so not that surprising!

Thanks again, everyone, for commenting on this.

Thank you for the tips about the acne. We've actually recently done exactly what a few of you suggested, and she's seen a private dermatologist about it and is on some helpful treatments. The acne hasn't completely gone, though, and she's got some scarring, so she's self conscious of that. When she's old enough, she'll be able to have laser therapy for the scarring, but in the meantime it does bother her.

Thanks again. Lots of food for thought here.

My mum never wears make-up and never did when I was as young. I wear it every day mostly.

I tend to see it as different kids have different interests. Yours likes make up.

My dd is a bit older now but she never went through the make up phase. I did think it was because I don’t really wear make up but then I started looking at her friends and their parents and you know, there was literally no correlation between parents and kids. Some kids just really enjoy make up!

its not going to hurt her and it’s easily removable if it goes badly. I absolutely wouldn’t worry about it.

I loved experimenting with make up as a teen. My mum never bothered , never even moisturised and got her hair cut short and went to a barber because it was cheap. She could never understand why I was into clothes, make up, my hair etc and used to take the rip.