To think you can't stop your teenage daughter wearing so much make-up?

[HawfinchGreenfinch]

I have a teenage daughter. Yesterday, I was saying to a friend, who also has a teenage daughter, that I worry a bit about how much make-up she finds it necessary to wear. I wish she felt OK to go out bare-faced, and I also don't like that she's constantly smothered in chemicals (fake tan, foundation, blusher, highlighter, concealer, mascara, eyebrow dye, things for "contouring"... to me, it's mind-blowing).

Friend said, rather piously, "oh, I just wouldn't allow that. It's totally unhealthy".

I feel like a bit of a shit mum today, TBH. Should I stop this? HOW? I always tell her she's beautiful without, that ultimately looks are unimportant, etc. And I do try to make sure she gets reputable brands from real shops (Superdrug, etc), not some shite off the internet. And in general, I just thank my lucky stars that she's not (yet) drinking, vaping, etc. But am I being remiss in not stopping her with this make-up obsession? AIBU to think you can't really stop a teenage girl doing this?

I think it is fine OP and I agree with the sentiment of posts above, my Mum and my MIL both applied elaborate 1960s eye make up, Amy Winehouse style, my Mum also had flowers in her hair and make up around her eyes that was hippy style!

I honestly wouldn't make a big deal of it - most teenagers grow out of the wearing ten tons of slap stage after a few years!

I went shopping with teenage DD2 (15) at the weekend. We did have some debate about length of shorts and tight fitting low cut tops but it was a fairly stress free experience. One thing she did say made me laugh "I'll wear longer things when I'm older." I always feel half "You go girl!" and half "Aaargh!" about some of her choices.

My DM used to have dresses so short that she had matching knickers made.

Oh how naive all these people are.

You can stop them leaving the house caked with make up but the second they are out of sight they will be in the nearest loos (Or their friend's house) applying it.

At least she isn't in love with Robert Smith and spends all her time doing stuff to her hair and ruining your lipstick. To pick an entirely random example from some other person's adolescence...

The ‘I wouldn’t allow it’ types have no idea what it takes to survive on a daily basis at a state secondary school for some girls. Make up might be thing that looks outrageous when they’re heading out the door and you see them as your young, naive child, but at school it might just be the thing that helps them blend in and be ‘invisible’ in the herd of their peer group.

Its a rite of passage to look ridiculous and to experiment through the teenage years.

Let her carry on.

Yes, my Mum was the same, she isn’t particularly shocked by DD’s length of skirts.

This is so sad. But v true.

I think you can stop it, with some teens. That doesn't mean you should. If you want a teen who has the independence and confidence to go and get a job at 16, navigate sixth form college study etc, it's better to adapt your approach a bit more as they grow up.

@HawfinchGreenfinch Pick your battles carefully...

I teach in a secondary school. I remember one of my tutor group years ago always plastered make up on. The rule was NO make up, but as long as it looked natural I let them be.

But this girl not only applied it thick and heavy, the foundation was way too dark for her skin tone and she looked like an Oompah Loompa, which I as much told her so... I was rather blunt with her, but was bored of the make-up removal battle. I explained she had beautiful skin, didn't need to wear make up, but if she must then she needed to get a foundation that matched her skin tone etc...

The following week she'd been shopping with her mum and it was a HUGE improvement! They'd booked a session at one of these make up stalls where she was shown how to apply make up to look natural.

So my suggestion would be to get an expert to teach your daughter how to apply it nicely!

At 14 it's fine to limit the make up.

Do you have any pictures of you looking absurd as a teen with too much make-up on - you could maybe share them with her and have a laugh about it? My personal look as a teen was foundation 2 shades darker than my natural skin tone - so cringy! Maybe if she sees how daft shovelfuls of the stuff looks she'll think twice? You could also book an appointment with a make-up artist (someone young so she can relate!) to do a really natural look for her talking her through all the steps, that'll maybe inspire her to tone it down a bit? But honestly, it's normal, and harmless, as others have said.

That's true but it's a bit pointless for them to cover themselves in makeup when they're going to school if they immediately have to take it off when they arrive.

I think there’s a middle ground between letting them wear it thickly all day everyday and trying to ban it completely. Can you take her to a make up counter to learn how to apply it properly? Assuming she’s not allowed to wear it at school, could it just be a ‘weekends only’ thing?

I am obviously extremely naive as I assumed secondary schools wouldn’t allow make up like this.

My daughter thankfully didn’t do the makeup thing as a teen, which was a relief as I’m not sure how I would have navigated it. I had to steer a course through dr marten and hair colour obsessions instead. (Birthdays and Christmas from me for the former, nothing until school leaving after.)

I think my line in the sand, at that age, would probably be stuff that wouldn’t just wash off if needed; so no acrylic nails, no tanning stuff, no hair extensions, and probably no salon based spider leg abuse/lash inserts.

We’re reasonably lucky here in that the schools are quite militant on their desire to kill makeup use, so the kids get very good at very neutral/natural makeup very quickly. Apparently there’s nothing quite so detrimental to your street cred as being caught with blocky contour and being forced to use the makeup-remover-wipes-of-shame.

The ‘I wouldn’t allow it’ types have no idea what it takes to survive on a daily basis at a state secondary school for some girls

I find that highly unlikely.

Considering the high percentage of women posting on MN and the high percentage of people that attend state schools, it's likely that the majority of posters on this thread have BEEN a teenage girl at a state secondary 🤔

Yes but with some teenagers not all, this rationale doesn’t feature in their thought process. I have spoken to DD about jewellery and hoop earrings and detention risk and she won’t necessarily change her behaviour. It is confusing at her school though as they did allow any jewellery, any type of earrings and any number but now it is only 2 and they have to be studs!

‘Natural’ make up is very in now. I think if they’re going in looking like Danny La Rue then that’s a problem.

Yes but having been a teen girl I don’t remember all having the same thoughts on this. Some girls are naturally rebellious, others are very compliant, some are in between.

I was a teenager before social media (so not influenced by that) and I wore lots of make up, loved a bit of blue mascara 😳I still love make up and skin care products now in my 40s. My mum didn't like me wearing make up so I would just take it with me to school and apply it there!

I wear it for myself, no one else, and I always feel better and ready for the day once I have applied it. No judgement to those who don't wear it, each to their own.

There are far worse things your daughter could be into and it's not doing anyone any harm! Your friend was being snide.

I think parents can provide knowledge as in your skin needs down time and perhaps encourage the odd facial and product free day. Purely from a maintenance point of view.

I have in the past gifted makeup tutorials as a gentle intervention to reduce the more extreme application style. But as I said to her just consider what a professional does and see what you feel about it. And thankfully she preferred the less harsh/heavy hand approach.

Do you wear makeup every day ? Does your friend . To be honest I am more likely to go makeup free now at 47 than when I was a teen.