Is it rude not to acknowledge dog?

[buma]

My SIL has a dog. Nice natured but quite big and powerful (not a dangerous breed).

As soon as you go over, he will bound at you and try and jump at you. He's knocked the kids over before and I think could probably knock me over too.

I'm not a dog person, never had one, don't understand the bond etc. I've also got no interest in being jumped on, so I just ignore the dog and don't acknowledge it at all. Might give it a stroke if it sits next to me later on.

MIL has started to make comments when we meet up and I don't give the dog any fuss.

Do you think it's rude of me not to acknowledge? It's basically their baby as they have no kids so perhaps I am being rude? Im worried if I start to give him lots of attention, he will get excited when he sees me and launch himself at me.

As someone whose dog is their baby (I know, I know) I don't get offended when people ignore her. If the dog is liable to knock you over in excitement and you're a bit nervous of it then I think you are doing the right thing not creating a big bond with it. My dog is very over excited to see people she knows but has no interest in strangers and ignores them.

I have found that letting a dog smell you hand (if they are contained someway) helps them to calm down and stop jumping BUT…

it is still the responsibility of the owner to teach their dog some manners. Asking you to make a fuss of a dog you don’t care about is bonkers.

Her dog sounds badly behaved and untrained. You’re under no obligation to make some kind of big fuss over it, or to regard it as a key member of the household.

I’m like you OP, not a dog person and don’t much like them jumping up at me. I might given them a little stroke/pat on the head once they have calmed down a bit but generally don’t make a huge fuss of them. I don’t think it’s rude, especially as your SIL presumably knows you’re not that fond of dogs.

God no. I would turn my back on it repeatedly until it calms down. I cannot abide dogs that jump.

That's actually how you're supposed to deal with over enthusiastic dogs - giving them attention when they are displaying the behaviour you want (being calm, not jumping up, etc).

You're fine.

Quick tip - when the dog jumps up put your knee up so he hits his face on it. Only takes a few unpleasant knocks for them to think twice.

(Recommended by my vet, who learned it from Marley and Me!)

Maybe you would feel more confident around ddog if you made some effort.. Your life will be a lot easier...

Ignoring and turning sideways will usually give the message to the dog. You aren't rude.

I've had dogs all my adult life but being jumped on by dogs whose owners don't put time into training and manners is a pain. And tiny dogs who scratch at my shins and knees.

No it’s not rude to acknowledge an animal. They are not humans. It’s batshittery to expect other people to fuss over your animals. It’s batshittery how some people actually fuss more over animals than humans.

@Beautifulbythebay

nope! Op can ignore dogs all she wants. Soz.

i would deffo be ignored one that jumps up, hate that kind of poorly trained shit. Dog owners need to sort that out , no one like it

I would reply to MIL that you do give it attention when it's calm. That is the correct thing to do, he will learn that calm equals attention.

My friend's vizsla was a jumper, until I did that. Caught him in his solar plexus and he never did it again to anyone. You do need to get the timing right though. I didn't intend to get him there!

I think your way is fine, when you come in just say I won't fuss Doggo as he gets so excited and jumps up but how is he getting on?

I adore my dogs, but I wouldn't get offended if someone didn't acknowledge them. It's not like you leave and the dog will say "why doesn't auntie buma love me" 🤣

My dogs know who fusses them, who plays with them, who isn't keen etc and act accordingly.

There's 2 posties that come here, one isn't fond of dogs and they stay away, the other gets leapt on because he makes a massive fuss and gives them treats etc and loves being pounced on by my 2.

Sounds like they need to train their dog better, but yanbu at all.

The dog is not “basically their baby”. It’s an animal that needs to be trained.

If you give it attention when it is being boisterous then it reinforces that behaviour.

Ultimately you are helping the dog by NOT making a fuss of it when it is knocking you over.

I have no interest in dogs and am allergic to them to boot. I find that ignoring them works for me. We have a similar dog in the family and people can't understand why i'm not all over it, but honestly i'd rather have nothing to do with it.

Training a dog involves ignoring it until it is calm so you aren't ignoring it you are treating it as it should be treated.
Its the other idiots that are causing this large dog to misbehave and setting it up for trouble

I can relate. I have a family member with a big bouncy lab which is most def her 'baby'. And it's cruel to train dogs, according to her, so while its not aggressive at all it does spend the whole time jumping and barking at you, if you sit down it starts leaping onto your lap, will snatch food out of your hand, etc. I totally ignore it because I don't want to deal with it, and she will be all "He's just wanting attention! He's so friendly!" I'm sure she thinks I'm some dog-hating weirdo, but hers is just not enjoyable to be around.

No, it's rude not to teach your large dog not to jump up on people. I have big dogs and it's a really important lesson for them - paws on the ground and wait to be acknowledged. If they're not acknowledged, that's fine. If they are and they get a fuss then they get all wiggly and waggy and silly. It's so important that all dogs are taught to behave as if every person they meet is scared of dogs, but especially big dogs.

My dogs are my babies but that doesn't mean they can't be well trained and disciplined!

I’ll bet that she got it during lockdown, and it’s her first dog?

Oh good!
I'll stop worrying then.

It bolted at me one day and I screamed and put my back to it.
The Auntie told me I was setting a bad example to my girls. I thought, surely everyone can see that the problem is with the dog here rather than me shitting my pants as it lunges at me?!

I generally dislike dogs, I'm not scared of them but they're annoying and smell and just gross me out esp if they're long haired or scraggy.

Anyway... I tell my friends dogs to get lost (and other terms) when they come near me as they jump up and try and steal your food. She doesn't care in fact she laughs about it and does impressions of me telling the dog to "fuck off" she knows her dogs are annoying.

Anyway long and short of it is I think it's fine. I'm not offended when someone pushes my cat away.

I'd ignore a dog that jumped on me just because they should be trained not to do that.

Best way to deal with unwanted jumping up behaviour is to ignore it and not give it the attention it is seeking so 100% you’re doing the right thing to ignore it!

giving attention when it is doing a behaviour you want (I.e. being calm, paws on the floor etc) is how you reinforce you see as good behaviour. But it is t your job to train. The dog so if you don’t want to engage with the dog at all, that is perfectly fine.

I am a lover of dogs - especially big dogs and have my own but Iam fully supportive of people that dont want to engage with dogs and disagree with those that force their dogs on others/ minimise their dogs poor behaviour.