Is it rude not to acknowledge dog?

[buma]

My SIL has a dog. Nice natured but quite big and powerful (not a dangerous breed).

As soon as you go over, he will bound at you and try and jump at you. He's knocked the kids over before and I think could probably knock me over too.

I'm not a dog person, never had one, don't understand the bond etc. I've also got no interest in being jumped on, so I just ignore the dog and don't acknowledge it at all. Might give it a stroke if it sits next to me later on.

MIL has started to make comments when we meet up and I don't give the dog any fuss.

Do you think it's rude of me not to acknowledge? It's basically their baby as they have no kids so perhaps I am being rude? Im worried if I start to give him lots of attention, he will get excited when he sees me and launch himself at me.

I am a dog person. I will generally make a big fuss of any dogs I meet. However, in the situation you have described, I would completely ignore him u till he stops jumping. Your sil needs to train her dog. It is completely unacceptable to allow him to jump on people.

As pp's have said, your approach is the correct one. The suggestion to tell your mil that you are waiting for him to calm down is a good one.

I think you’re fine.
I am not a dog person, I don’t think I have ever acknowledged one. My brother has one that jumps up if it does it to me, I lift its paws off my chest (it’s a huge thing and I’m only short - so that sounds worse than it is) and move him to the side.

No, of course it's not rude to not acknowledge a dog. It may be slightly weird to completely ignore a cute placid friendly dog, but I would happily ignore a barky, aggressive, 'trying to jump all over you' type dog, that clearly has shit owners. (Well, I would TRY to!)

The problem is, 20-25+ years ago and earlier, any dogs that my family and neighbours and friends had, (including my parents, uncles and aunts) just used to come up to you, give your hand a lick, and let you pat their head for two seconds, and then they would go and sit on the couch or go in the garden.

NOW, you've got dogs who are absolute maniacs, who run up to you. pull you over, bounce all over you, and bark like crazy, as soon as you enter the room, or as soon as they see you if you're outside. A lot of dogs are more aggressive and bouncy and worse behaved than they were a quarter century or more ago. (NADALT.) NOT ALL DOGS ARE LIKE THAT.

DH's brother (who actually lives miles away now thankfully,) used to have a spaniel in the late noughties, and I refused to let our daughter into their house until they'd put him in the backyard or kitchen. He wasn't super aggressive, but he was very, very energetic and bouncy and jumped all over our daughter, knocking her flying, and scratching her and pulling at her hair. Did it to me several times too.

His brother thought it was hilarious, so I told them the dog goes OUT or we leave. So SIL (who was very placid) just pointed at the back door and told DH's brother to put the dog in there. Thing is, if he DID stay in with us, he didn't settle down. Half hour after getting there, he was still bouncing all over you, and scratching and barking. The problem is not the dogs though actually ... It's the shitty owners. DH's brother included. Dog had zero training.

I'm a Dog person and spend a lot of time with Dogs as my Dog is on a sports team (so I know a lot about Dogs). You are doing absolutely the right thing!!! My Dog is terribly excitable and awful with visitors so I've worked really hard on his training with this and tell people to do exactly what you are doing. Ignoring them is the key!!! By doing this, you're establishing your alpha position and they can see that you don't want the fuss so they will stop it. The only time my Dog is calm with visitors is when they don't take any notice of him until he is calm. It's absolutely not rude, It's rude of the Dog's owners to allow them to jump up at you if anything.

I’ve always been taught to ignore a dog if it’s hyper like that and then when it calms down to then let it sniff you or give it a quick pat.

I love dogs so would never ignore one the entire time but I would not be happy with a dog jumping all over me and I wouldn’t allow my dog to do it to someone else.

I think this is a bit OTT if you already know its friendly. Turn away that's fine but you need to remain calm. It's true you don't want the DC to get a fear of dogs. If it's truly dangerous don't go there but if it's just over excited acting calm is much better all round.

I agree the family need to stop it from behaving badly and you should tell them so.

If they won’t stop it jumping up then I would refuse to spend any time with it. Turning away and ignoring it was the right thing to do. But screaming isn’t.

I have to ignore my sisters dog when he first see me because he get so excited😂.

so we have the opposite problem - her saying ignore him ignore him and me trying to comply and not break down and give him belly rubs while baby talking!

your MIL is a loon. As much as I love dogs, it isn’t an elderly relative that has to be given respect!

I just say to the dog 'go away, I am not a dog person'. Friends understand and even laugh. Not everyone is an animal lover.

Just say something reasonable, like:

"I'm not being rude. I'm worried if I start to give him attention, he will get excited when he sees me and launch himself at me, as he has before."

Of course, reasonable doesn't always work with people who think their dog is their baby or plays in their netball team, or any such shit, but you can't reason with stupid.

Appreciate I shouldn't have screamed, but unfortunately it was just a natural reaction. It's pretty fast and its paws were up on my shoulders.

They do put him on a lead for a bit when we first go over now, but my partner has to hold the lead for them because he's so powerful.

I'm glad I'm not being horrible though. I will just continue doing what I'm doing.

Thanks all

Just don’t go over. Unless they control the dog or shut it away.

YADNBU!
It is your family and their badly trained dog who are the rude ones.
You are doing exactly the right thing ignoring it and then giving it a pet when it is behaving and calm.

The dog sounds out of control and badly trained. A big, powerful dog who jumps at people is an accident waiting to happen.

A dog doesn't have to bite to be considered a danger - if it knocks someone over and they're either injured or frightened of being injured, the owners can technically be prosecuted for having a dangerous dog. Lots of owners are (scarily) unaware of their responsibilities in that respect.

I work with dogs (and own a dog) so I'm used to being jumped at and to dealing with excitable dogs, but if someone isn't happy with being jumped at, it's 100% the owners' responsibility to deal with that and to get their dog under control.

Maybe you would feel more confident around ddog if you made some effort

OP didn't say she was scared of the dog. She's not interested in it and doesn't want to encourage it jumping up at her.

Correction. It appears she is scared of the dog.

No it’s not rude.

I wish more people would do as you do. It took me ages to train my puppy that you only get attention when all 4 paws are firmly on the ground (mine sits). Took ages because even though I asked people to ignore her until she sat nobody did ( she's a beautiful, and so so soft )
Ignore the bad, reward the good in this instance.

Dog & owner (&MIL) are been rude here, not you. I also ignore dogs that are leaping all over me and might give them a pat later on once they have calmed down.

Patting a dog when it is jumping all over you just reinforces the behaviour. I will yell no at a dog I don't know if it comes bounding over - dog gets the message, owner can be a bit grumpy about it.

I have a similar issue. SIL lives with her parents and has two dogs. They aren't trained, certainly not when it comes to barking at every single thing, including people walking past, cars turning in the cul de sac, visitors arriving/leaving, delivery drivers etc. I can't stand the noise of the barking. It's so loud and relentless, it makes me feel what I can only describe as emotional (maybe overwhelmed?) I know that sounds a bit pathetic! So, when I arrive, I ignore them until they STFU. MIL and SIL keep insisting that, if I pet them, they will be quiet, but I don't want to go anywhere near them when they're barking. What I really want to do is put my hands over my ears until they're quiet. When they finally stop bounding at me, scrabbling up my clothes and barking, I give them a fuss. They are making me dislike dogs and it isn't their fault. I'm sick of getting a hard time over my reaction. I try to be discreet, but MIL in particular gets on my case about it and draws attention to my lack of engagement, even though they're not her dogs and, to be honest, she barely takes them under her notice.

Ignoring it is a good tactic - it won't get and 'reward' fir coming up to you so should lose interest. But the owner should also call the dug away and teach it better manners.

I prefer people to ignore my dog when they visit. She quickly calms down then. More fuss makes her more excited. Large dog too, she rarely jumps, though, just barges about and side swipes with her rear!

When the dog comes bounding over to you, and is about to jump up, stamp one of your feet loudly and look it straight in the eye.

Another thing you can do is turn your back.

If the dog attempts to jump up on your kids, growl loudly, and stamp your foot. Go into protective mode, your protecting your kids.

I know some of these suggestions may sound weird but I can assure you it's the best way to tell a dog to stop, full stop. Pack animals communicate with body language, all animals do and this is the language they understand.

No way should your SIL allow her dog to knock your kids over, that's horrendous and she needs to get her dog under control.

What rubbish! Shall I also worship my neighbour's goldfish etc? Why should we all be expected to like dogs? Someone once commented on my ambivalence towards dogs and I said that I didn't actually dislike dogs but couldn't eat a whole one! Sense of humour failure for that!

For the love of God, please don't growl at a dog or stamp your foot, at best the dog will just ignore you out of confusion, at worst it will feel threatened and frightened and attack.