husband not intersted in having sex with me anymore and says it has nothing to do with me

[gg12346]

I am just 42 and my husband is of the same age .Recently I felt really hormonal etc and demanded sex ..My husband said he just really doesn't like sex anymore and would rather have a good relationship with me .I feel so hopeless I cant say ..I have been married to him for 16 years and have a son together .He is a great dad and there is no sex between us and when I see other men I feel so hormonal
we talked but he is also not ready to go into therapy or counselling what can I do

I still think he owes you a conversation about this!

I think you need to find out (from him) if he has a desire still. Does he masturbate?

I think most people go through phases like this and I doubt it's anything to do with you. I imagine it is to do with age in that he's looking at what he's achieved in life and maybe doesn't feel all that good about himself, coupled with the hormone changes that come with age - I think a lot of people do take stock around 40ish but then I'm not him so it's only a guess. Couples therapy is probably a good starting point.

Could be a phase. Could also be that he's stressed. I was stressed at work and my sex drive crashed through the floor. I hadn't realised it was stress until I stopped being stressed.

He owes you a conversation about it but also in his own time. Give him a bit of space for a bit. Demanding he do something immediately because "men always want sex" isn't going to help either.

Tbh if he is really serious about this then I would tell him that either he lets you have sex with other people or the relationship ends. I wouldn't open the relationship fully so you both can have sex with other people on the basis that it's him saying he never wants to have sex again and you shouldn't be forced into a relationship where he then has sex with others, but if he's really serious about never having sex again then fine, but he can't expect you to live in a sexless marriage and you should be able to seek that need elsewhere.

I do hesitate to say this but are you confident he isn't seeing someone else? My now ex said he had lost interest in sex and just wanted a good relationship. Turned out he had been having an affair for a few years.

If a man came on here and said he had "demanded" sex, MN would go into meltdown.

Porn. ☹️

I have completely gone off sex, my husband has not. It is very difficult for both of us. We have children together. We are best friends but came to the verge of separating over this issue. It sucks. We have started counselling and it is really helping us both. If your husband is unwilling to try anything to address this issue, that reflects very poorly on him.

To be fair, most people have said she is unreasonable to demand sex.

Get him some viagra

Feeling rejected from the one person who can offer you that level of intimacy is hurtful, knowing he won't try to fix it in any way would push me out the door

Does he watch porn? Or could he have a secret porn habit? Quite often it’s linked to men who claim to have a low libido.

A man would to told he's abusive and told to fuck off. That hasn't happened here, to be fair.

Unbelievable.

If woman didn't... oh wants the point! MN is an awful place sometimes.

It seems like men just can't win. If a man demands sex he's the problem, if his wife demands sex he's the problem.

Are you sure he’s not getting sex elsewhere?

I think you should suggest he sees a Dr & has a health check. My husband's sex drive has reduced gradually recently, we put it down to him feeling tired/stressed at work. Fortunately he was offered a health check through work and was diagnosed with prostate cancer 2 weeks ago, it explains the tiredness & low sex drive!

I actually disagree with that. I've read many threads on here about the same subject and they tend to be pretty balanced. Of course you get the odd people who reply in dramatic ways or hate men/women, but that's every thread on MN, whatever the subject. You get extreme views one way or the other (and ones just written for the wind up). I went and found a thread from a man about his wife and the responses in the vast majority are polite and similar to here.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4860608-wife-doesnt-want-sex

Well just tell op that then 🙃

It doesn't sound like English is the OP's first language from her posts so maybe she overstretched the request to a demand.

Good Lord the hypocrisy is ridiculous. The comments here compared with those when it is the man 'demanding' sex. Or sulking when he doesn't get it.

No OP is it not ok to demand sex ever.
It is something that needs to be discussed and if the future is untenable then split up.

Although again if it was a man who wanted sex and the woman didn't people would be calling him a sex pest and saying he's a monster if no sex was enough to leave a relationship over

use toys etc

@gg12346 only you can sit down and talk to him. You might not like the answers but at least you will know.

My son years ago went to a bit of a dodgy gym. Men would buy Viagra there but wouldn't visit a GP too embarrassing. So you need to get answers.

Totally. All the people on here saying the OP should be allowed to get it elsewhere and how it's unreasonable to expect to live without sex. It's painful how different the comments are when it's a man.