husband not intersted in having sex with me anymore and says it has nothing to do with me

[gg12346]

I am just 42 and my husband is of the same age .Recently I felt really hormonal etc and demanded sex ..My husband said he just really doesn't like sex anymore and would rather have a good relationship with me .I feel so hopeless I cant say ..I have been married to him for 16 years and have a son together .He is a great dad and there is no sex between us and when I see other men I feel so hormonal
we talked but he is also not ready to go into therapy or counselling what can I do

YANBU but YABU to demand sex.

Does he know why?
This would make me feel unloved and unwanted, even if our relationship was otherwise good.

You're being unreasonable to 'demand sex'

Have you in the past had a good sex life?

Do you mean horny, not hormonal?

he demands me emotionally etc but not sexually he says its just his system is getting older

Demanding sex is unreasonable. Wanting a sexual relationship isn't though.

yes

That must be really hard. So did your husband just say he doesn't feel like he wants sex anymore, and did he just leave it at that? No explanation or suggestion of a solution, or anything? Because thats very unfair. Do you feel like you could say to him you are too young at 42 to give up any hope of a sex life again, because I think it would be reasonable to say that. x

what would you do ?

Is he having ED problems that he doesn't want to admit to? Or low testosterol levels? Would he talk to a doctor? I guess if it was a woman not wanting sex it would be OK so OK for a man too. If you can't live with this and he wont get checked out then you may need to re-consider your relationship.

You'll have to talk to him about having an "open" relationship, won't you? You stay together as a couple but have sex outside the marriage. Discreetly and quietly. A lot of people do, and sometimes it's the only alternative to splitting up. Otherwise it's unreasonable for one person to refuse sex if the other wants it.

I'd definitely have a conversation with him and not let him avoid the subject. I would ask him are you really asking me to not have sex for the next 50 years because you've gone off the idea? Are you going to condemn me to that without even discussing it with me? I would want to really know what was going through his mind. I would also want to satisfy myself that he wasn't seeing anyone else because like fuck would I be celibate for him whilst he's getting a bit on the side 😁

It depends on if you feel you can handle a relationship without sex. If you can't then that's a discussion you need to have with him. You either split or have an open relationship (wouldn't be for me but I know people who have). Personally, I wouldn't want someone "forced" into sex with me - I'd rather an amicable split.

Has he been put on medication recently?

yes ,he did say that he is of same age as mine .He said he might suffer from low testosterone levels and might need some docs help but I know him he will never ever resolve this issue permanently . I cant force someone to have sex with me honestly , its natural and I feel even I work on myself it wont work.

It's odd OP 'system getting older' at 42 is unusual, he is still a relatively young man.

sounds like he could be suffering with ED

You say in your OP that he "would rather have a good relationship with you" than have sex, but have you explained to him he won't have a good relationship with you without physical intimacy as the two go hand in hand?

Given he made vows regarding your happiness he needs to see a GP for an MOT... He doesn't just get to opt out of trying to maintain his vows...

I also think the same but I cant make someone go to doc even they dont want it .

Separation will be very hard for everyone .It will be hardest for my son . He wont be able to take it

I know you can't, and shouldn't make him but what if you said your happiness in the marriage depended on it (going to the doctor for ED). Would he do it then or would he not care?

I think he cares but at the same time he is not attracted to me anymore I feel and he is not ready to say it on my face .

I am clueless what will I do but yes onething I am thinking of doing to apply all my energies in my career now ,I always took a back step in it thinking I am serving my family and we are happy together but I feel he has really opened my eyes .

I don't think any of us can really tell you what to do...you have to decide how you feel about this and what is important to you. The most important thing you can do is sit down with your husband and tell him that while you respect his decision to not want sex, he has to respect your decision to want a relationship with sex. A split doesn't mean you need to hate each other or argue.

Oh no I'm very sorry to hear that xx What a hard situation. So that's the crux of the matter then, that you feel he's no longer attracted to you but won't say so. So it does sound like it's about what you want to do, not about making him go to the doctor or whatever.