husband not intersted in having sex with me anymore and says it has nothing to do with me

[gg12346]

I am just 42 and my husband is of the same age .Recently I felt really hormonal etc and demanded sex ..My husband said he just really doesn't like sex anymore and would rather have a good relationship with me .I feel so hopeless I cant say ..I have been married to him for 16 years and have a son together .He is a great dad and there is no sex between us and when I see other men I feel so hormonal
we talked but he is also not ready to go into therapy or counselling what can I do

@ToxicChristmas
There are many threads where the man is crucified

DH and sex expectancy www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4750928-dh-and-sex-expectancy

Let’s see. Do you help with the child rearing? Do you help with the house chores? Do you help financially? Are you emotionally available? Are your communication styles matched? Yadda yadda yadda … interesting if we reversed genders, I’d dare say some of the responses would be quite different.

Of course there are. It's a forum. It's the same on ANY forum. You can pick through and find posts on any subject and some will be absolutely reasonable and sensible and some will be bonkers and contain all kinds of shite. It's unfair to say that men are always crucified on here because that's not true at all. You'll get regular posts where the opposite is said and people are accused of supporting men too much and making excuses for them. Obviously, responses are often formed from the tone of the original post as well -if you come across as a total cunt from post one you will get people calling you one. That applies to men and women.

How long has it been since you last had sex?

Could he be in the closet? It's a possibility if he says he's not interested anymore. Did his mother or father die recently? Some in the closet people wait until a parent is gone (no danger of losing inheritance) to move towards coming out.

Yes, let's see... what percentage of housework, childcare and life admin so men do on average in a heterosexual partnership?

Might the answer to that be why those questions are very relevant to women who don't want sex, and vastly less so to men?

YABVVVVVVVVU to "demand" anything, much less sex....

Why are men so reluctant to see the GP? Even for quite serious symptoms, and when those symptoms put their marriage at risk.

sometimes its not always medical

I don't know many women who go to the GP for low libido

@ToxicChristmas
If you think the comments on this topic are largely the same when genders are reversed then you are either being disingenuous or haven't been MN long

If he's not going to get any help or do anything about it then it's an issue. How's the rest of your relationship? Does he make you feel loved and wanted?

No, it's not unreasonable for anyone to refuse sex. This is a disgraceful thing to say.

Imagine a post on here with a woman refusing a husband demand sex

Then imagine a comment asking if the woman is a lesbian

He needs to go to the doctor, for starters.

I agree

Just remember there is not a chance he would stay with you and stay celebate if he wanted a sex life and you didn't

If you genuinely are good friends and have a great relationship then you can be excellent coparents and still do things with both parents there

I think it's a language thing op doesn't seem like a native English speaker

Definitely a strong possibility

I’m pretty sure English is not OP’s first language and she used the verb ‘demanded’ instead of ‘asked for’.

OP, are you French?

Frankly, he doesn't get to say no sex AND no therapy and not expect you to leave. He's taking away an important element of a relationship and closing down any discussion on the subject; this is not a healthy way to treat an adult you love and see as your equal. .....And you can tell him that's from a therapist.

The thing is that there are still lots of reasonable questions. Penetrative sex is only one part of sexual activity, which bits can he do and which bits can he not? Age/tiredness would not prevent ALL sexual activity (touching, kissing etc.) Why is he okay with the drastic change in his sex drive? Sex is usually a good thing that most people want in a relationship at some level, so his lack of sex drive and instant acceptance of it, seems odd. Which brings us onto the difficult bit. Is he getting his needs met elsewhere with an affair? Is he gay/bisexual and struggling to find you a turn on? Or is there some physical change to himself or you that is affecting his sex drive?

Ultimately, a sudden lack of sex drive does happen, that is not the worrying bit. The bit that is really off about this is his chilled acceptance and refusal to talk about it; like he knows exactly what's going on but doesn't want to share. If you've not already, obviously ask directly, what's going on, are you having an affair? Etc etc. If it is about your appearance then it's difficult but at least you have something to work with. Telling you nothing, is cruel and disrespectful..

You can go to relationship counselling on your own if he refuses, it's quite a common occurrence. It will allow you to work out where you go from here. It might encourage your partner to come along to a session if he knows is your counselling and he's not obligated. This really won't go away on it own action needs to be taken. It's not just about sex, you need to feel desired in a relationship regardless of what level of sexual activity you engage in. It doesn't feel like he's giving you even that. Whatever you do make sure you're talking to him about it and keeping lines of communication open, even if he doesn't reciprocate or acts like he doesn't want to hear it. Once you retreat to your respective corners and stop talking to each other about personal stuff, then the relationship really is over.

I hope you work this out x

This didn’t just happen over night.
One day you felt horny and wanted sec and he said no.

what is the back story ? Did he want sex and you didn’t ?
when was the last time You had sex ?
when was the last time you both had a proper sex life ?