To ask you to solve my life issues?

[thelastoftheherriots]

I broke up with my partner 4 months ago, and moved with my toddler and dog into the first floor flat I (thankfully!) kept hold of through my relationship. The relationship had become increasingly abusive from late pregnancy onwards, and I ended up in a really bad place with post natal depression which I'm still struggling with now. Partly my own fault, the red flags we're already there, but I was head over heels in love with him, he masked very well until I was pretty entangled in his life, and after having 4 miscarriages and failed IVF, I wanted this baby more than anything.

My question is, the flat is unsuitable in a few ways, and I wondered if the clever people of MN had any ingenious ideas or tips to solve them and make life a bit easier? Or any other tips not relating to these.

1. There's no bath for my toddler, only a small shower which we both struggle to fit into together (and she hates showers but loves a bath). I bought a cheapy inflatable paddling pool but it's a faff to put up and take down and she's still not over keen. There's a foldable XL plastic bath on Amazon I'm considering, if anyone has used one and rated it?

1. There's no garden. I've solved the no washing line issue by throwing money at the problem and buying a tumble dryer. However this is also a struggle when ddog needs to go out for a wee last thing and toddler is in bed. I have to get her back out and into the pram. It's going to be a big PITA in winter. Ddog won't wee on a lead so it's a couple of streets away where I can let her off lead to do her business. Considering a dog walker for at least a few of the evenings, but don't have much disposable income so other ideas welcome.

1. It's 1 bedroom, so me and toddler are in the same room, she has a little bed. Fine for the next couple of years but I'm wondering how practical its going to be as she gets older and wants her own space.

There's no chance of me increasing my mortgage for somewhere bigger, I've done a few online calculators.

I could sell and use the capital to rent for 4-5 years but what would I do after that is used up?

I could rent out my flat and rent somewhere bigger. Both these options would have me losing my universal credit which I'm reliant on, especially for the childcare element which is the only thing allowing me to work. I don't think I could afford the sky high rents now. Basically I'm stuck here.

Exp is paying the bare minimum maintenance based on the very low income he declares (whilst raking it in with self employed cash in hand jobs). He lives in a massive detached 4 bed house with the much younger woman he's swiftly moved in, and sees our daughter for 3 hours a week.

I'm just feeling so down with it all, the slog of daily life as a skint single mum (although I love the bones of my daughter), the unfairness of it all, the loneliness and the unlikeliness of ever meeting anyone else when I have zero spare time, share a bed with my child every night, and am completely disillusioned by men in general. I cry daily, little things set me off. I'm on sertraline but it doesn't feel like it's helping as much it was previously. My head's not in my job at all, although the people I work with are great and I think I'd love the job if I didn't feel generally rubbish all the time. I'm drinking too much and eating rubbish (an obvious solution to those but lacking the motivation to do anything about it)

If anyone has any solutions to my problems, it would be so appreciated. Moral support also very welcome!

Sorry for the self pity - I know people are in worse situations and we have a roof over our head, I can cover the bills and am so grateful for that, and I do have the benefit of supportive family and friends.

Thank you, I'll implement the training tips and see if its second time lucky, I probably wasn't very consistent when i first tried, my head was all over the place.

I used to use a big ikea green laundry tub as a baby/toddler bath in the shower.

I wouldn't use a sofa bed and would share the bedroom with DD for now. I just know the folding and unfolding it would get on my nerves, especially when it's late and I want to go to bed. In a few years when you no longer have nursery fees to pay for you might be able to move, or you could get a sofa bed then.

Well done for leaving the abusive relationship. Re. your dog. I’ve rehomed several older dogs. I’ve trained them to toilet specifically on command by using a vocal cue, be busy or something similar, when they do their business naturally when on walks etc. This, together with making a big fuss and treat or two has never failed to teach them the association. Even those that have been kenneled into 4-5 years old. I think you can solve that issue easily & keep your beloved dog with you.

You've had some good suggestions here OP so I won't add any! Just wanted to say give yourself huge credit for what you have achieved - you've got out of an abusive relationship, you're managing to work and bring up your little one on your own, you're keeping a roof over her head, paying the bills, putting food on the table! Frankly, you're a bloody hero 🥰

If you need to sleep in the lounge I would recommend the ikea hemnes--you may be able to pick up a second hand one cheap, and then you can put a really good single mattress on it. My folks just slept on ours pulled out to a double and said it was comfy too. Best of all it has storage underneath!

Could you get a double loft bed for yourself, and put DD's bed and storage underneath? You could put curtains around it so she has her own den.

Sorry, I mean a high-sleeper, not a bed in the loft!

1. get a foldable bath. I used one for my DD, brilliant
2. buy the Lakeland heated dryer rack. Folds down nicely and will be much much chesper
3. your child won’t need their own space for a longggggg time. This is what they’re used to and will probably find it hugely comforting. When I was single my DD slept in my room and bed for c3 years. I only took her out (over a period of a few weeks) when I met someone who I knew I’d end up with. It was me who wanted the space

You could try a mezzanine for your bed with your kiddo underneath. Wel lasted 6 years like this

Yes, don't buy a bed where you child sleeps above you, put them on the bottom. If they vomit during the night... (experience speaking).

A soft bucket from a garden centre is your best bet for bathing in. It will hang up and they are useful for so many things. I’d train the dog (and child) to function at a specific time on a scheduled evening walk. It will just become part of their routine. Something like, food, walk, bath, bed.

Could you potentially train your dog to use a pee post and grass pad in the shower cubicle it’s easily bleached clean for hygiene? So not ideal but better than carting a toddler in and out at night