Condescending phrases (lighthearted)

[FrenchFries2024]

I know these phrases are often meant in a friendly way and I am being pedantic here but AIBU to find these phrases condescending and low-grade irritating? 🙈🙈 (I suppose it is just a social interaction and I shouldn’t overthink it.)

• ’hello/ hi there!’ (Neighbour - please just say my name - I am not called ‘there’!
• …and ‘how are we today?’ - I want to say, ‘well, I can’t answer for you but I am very well, thanks’.

i know, not a big thing at all in the grand scheme of things but I find it condescending probably because I don’t really like the woman much. (She acts superior). If someone nice said it, I s’pose I wouldn’t mind.

Any other things people say you find annoying?? Do you remark on it to them? How can one do that without sounding a bit of a dick yourself? 🤣🤣

I’m terrible at remembering names, so can’t agree with you on that one.

I get you but just say ‘hello’ then, it’s the ‘there’ that gets me, not the lack of memory. 🤣 My memory for names is not great either.

Adding "there" is just an old-fashioned turn of phrase. I don't see how it's patronising

I’d suggest that it’s just an older way of speaking, as is referring to yourself as ‘one’.
My kids wouldn’t speak like that, but it’s not unusual to me.

YABU
OP my mother comes out with stuff like this - replying to a 6-year-old (you only see once a year), who has just said Hello in an upbeat way, with a sharp - Hello who? does not encourage long-term affection. I think you should stay indoors!

Do you know what condescending means? The things you've described, I can't see how it's applicable. What am I missing?

@Demonhunter err, yes, I do know what it means. I think you are missing the ‘lighthearted’ part of the thread but never mind.

When i had my last child the nurse would say "Well bless your heart" everytime I cried out in pain. I never said anything but my mind was screaming "Fuck my heart say a prayer for my vagina instead you awful creature"

I say hello there. It's just what people say. I don't say 'how are we today' as that reminds me of a carer asking a patient without actually expecting an answer (so to you yes maybe a bit patronising but probably not intended as such). I mean people don't really care how you are do they, it's just convention. My son couldn't understand it when he first started working at 16 and had colleagues ask him this. He said why ask him if you don't actually want to know? I said to think of it like someone saying 'hello'. Some people say 'hello howareyou' some say 'Hiya' some say 'hello there' (usually this when you may not actually see them and they are trying to let you know they are there), some say ... well you get the idea. No one expects more than a hello back, at most an 'I'm good/fine thanks'. Don't take the actual words so literally.

Oh I thought this was going to be about phrases like “you do you” which I always find faintly patronising. Not “hello there”

just pop up on here (with its many variations) for me

I don't find your phrases condescending. There are so many worse things to say

"You go, girl" is so patronising.

I hate ‘how are we?’ An ex used to say it and it made me cringe every time.

I also dislike ‘chin up’ when someone is going through something awful. It sounds dismissive.

”hello there” gave me the image of someone calling across a ravine or to someone far away on a moor. A land version of “ship ahoy” 😀

'Ah, bless'.
As you age, you will be 'ah bless - ed' a lot.
It is making me angry, together with Plumbs and funeral plans.

I dislike "no offence but..." and then they say the most offensive thing. It's like the phrase gives them permission to be cruel and get away with it. Sorry, not very lighthearted.

Take a breath before you read this one:
'Smile!'

One phrase I absolutely hate with a passion and it actually boils my blood, is when some well meaning semi stranger says "you'll have your hands full" when they see you out with your children.
So unhelpful and patronising.

Smile it might never happen

oh bless

well we do what we can

'Use some boundaries' . Various expressions using the word 'boundaries' .

Mumsnet could enter and win the Guinness World Record for the number of times 'boundaries' has been used ! 😅

@Lurkingandlearning "”hello there” gave me the image of someone calling across a ravine or to someone far away on a moor. A land version of “ship ahoy” 😀"

that really made me laugh! 🤣

A doctor with his students asked me when I was hospitalised with an infection: "and how are our water works today?" I had to stop myself from making a sarcastic and very tetchy riposte.

"Ah, bless you"
"You're doing well"
"You've got this"(whatever the fuck that's meant to mean)
"Take your time"

All said to me, as I'm 65 and apparently at the end of my life................

These are great examples! Thank you. 😊

Yes, ‘you do you’ and others PP have mentioned are definitely higher on the list of annoyance!

i think I may be entering grumpy old woman territory at the grand old age of 45 and should indeed stay indoors and become a hermit as one pp suggested. 🤣

i will endeavour to maintain perspective! (‘O teach me how I should forget to think!’)