I've gone for a walk

[longdistanceclaraclara]

I've walked out of the house. Kids have been annoying ( making food for lunch yesterday that they didn't take to school, opening cans of Diet Coke they don't drink, making drinks with ice that they don't drink, etc) husband is fighting with them
So I've removed myself from the situation. It's a beautiful evening, I'm in the park and wondering when they'll all notice dinner isn't appearing at the usual time.

I'm totally fucked off with all of them.

Do you think they'll notice?!

I’d get myself some snacks and go to the cinema, dreamy!

Not quite the same, but, my DSs were 11/13. Day time. They were endlessly verbally sparring with each other, and me, non-stop. Every request was met with aggressive belligerence.

I lost it. I can recall shouting, bellowing, at the top of my lungs, up the stairwell to the pair of them (with a tiny concern that the neighbours might hear 🤭) that this was going to STOP, RIGHT NOW, and if it didn't, I was WALKING OUT THAT DOOR AND NOT COMING BACK. I was SICK TO DEATH of the endless sniping and bickering. I'M TIRED, GOING OUT TO WORK EVERY DAY THEN COMING HOME TO DEAL WITH THIS. Just STOP!

I did reference that the elder goaded his brother relentlessly, very often in petty matters; but the younger rose to the bait, Every Single Time.

I think I used the word 'fuck' quite a lot 🤭

It was remarkably effective. They were both shocked. They discovered, that day, that their parents have boundaries, too. They don't have to wear your shit all the time.

It was cathartic, typing that.

They're now 25/23 and wonderful young men.

But no one needs to put up with poor behaviour from secondary schoolers.

I have to say my own kids (older primary/early secondary) would be so upset if I walked out. Especially the younger one. I dont think they would continue with their night and would be so worried (even with their Dad looking after them well).

But if you think they need the shock tactics and talking to them hasn’t worked, they are safe with your DH so you really dont need to worry. Hopefully he is doing what he should do and explaining to them why they have pushed you to it.

Are there other thing stressing you out aswell as what you listed?

There have been moments when I have thought how much I would love to do this. Well done 😊

Just came on to applaud the word ‘bellendrical’. I’ll be using this at every opportunity.

I once turned the engine off on a busy seafront roundabout on Brighton got out of the car and waddled off through the traffic whilst my panicking husband ran back and forth unable to stop me or leave the car. A lorry driver shouted 'you show him love' . He did stop criticising my driving and accepted that perhaps he should be a bit more patient with his pregnant wife.

Did they notice? What did they say?!

I did it years ago pre-kids. DH was being a proper arsehole because I organised tea and it wasn't what he wanted so I took myself off to a village about 40 miles away and had fish and chips. It was before mobiles and when I got back about 2 hours later he was in our local phone box ringing my mum to see if I was there. Cured him of his arseholeness but I could have been in a lot of trouble out in the middle of nowhere on my own and no one knew where i was.
Hope they noticed op and start to behave better.

Split opinion
I’ve done this, three times over the years only for up to about an hour. I found it was when I was hormonal (hormones are not to be underestimated or dismissed which they usually are). It helped to take a breather and my family were shocked and stopped whatever they were doing that was driving me mad.
I now work with young adults, some of whom talk about being devastated by mum disappearing after arguments when they were little/young teens. They worry about upsetting her now.

I don’t beat myself up but I do wonder if what may be good for mum is good for child.

I do empathise. I took myself off for a walk this evening to get away from the house and the teens ,15 and 19 They have both been particularly awful this week and I've had enough of holding down a full time , term time job and dealing with all the issues. My husband says don't let them get to you but that just isn't realistic.
Never any respite from them as they are off holidays and weekends too . My stepdad has a flat he only lives in half the time and I'm seriously thinking of taking myself there( alone ) or respite during the summer hols (which I am am not looking forward to)

Rat bag really needs to make a comeback

Did they notice OP? I hope the walk did you some good

OP . . . please let us know how this ended

Hope you're OK 💐

Thanks all. They were very apologetic when I got back and had made dinner. I had a lovely peaceful evening in the park. We had to say goodbye to our dog a couple of weeks ago and walking him always gave me that down time.

Hormones are definitely involved on my side and Dts!

I don’t think anyone should be leaving a child.

But teenagers are different and really stressful. Far better to leave and calm down, self care etc than to get entrenched in circular arguments.

It’s healthy and effective. It can also be a reminder than you are a human being with feelings. Something thar can be lost to teens. In my case they did actually apologise ( rare) so at the very least it gave them pause for thought.

Glad it all worked out OK in the end . . . very occasionally you have to do something really dramatic to make a point

So very sorry about your dog 💐

Hope you and your family all have a lovely weekend

I agree that there are two perspectives to this. My mum did this a couple of times when I was mid teens, not because we were misbehaving but there were ongoing issues between her and my dad, so a different scenario. But both times we didn't know where she had gone or when or even if she was coming back. She was only gone for a day or two each time but it did leave me and my brother feeling very, very shocked and confused. I do think it caused some lasting damage for me and left me with deep seated fear of abandonment, which I only really processed years later. Talking about this many years later both my brother and I remembered it very vividly and recalled the impact this had on us, yet our mum couldn't remember it at all and swore it never happened! Just something to think about.

just to clarify when I said when mine were little, my DH was there. I didn’t leave them alone.

I did this once, apart from it wasn't kids!

I lived with my then girlfriend who was lazy AF around the house. We also lived with another man (my friend originally) who became addicted to alcohol.

It was my day off, and I'd spent all of it cleaning, cooking and shopping. Ex was asleep ALLLLLLLLLLLL day and night. Alcoholic friend was in a drunken stupour. I took myself off to the pub for a few glasses of wine. My friend turned up with another friend I'd not met. Friend left and friend I'd not met asked if I fancied going to a club. I did.

Ex rang me hours later with a 'Bette fecking tell me where you are!' and came and joined me!
It didn't happen again

I’m not sure about that - I don’t think it does teens any harm to get a bit of a shock when their behaviour has been awful.

Different for you get DC - but by 13 they should know that being vile is hard for parents to take, and parents removing themselves for a bit is a reasonable response.

Younger - not you get ??!!

Your mother left for ‘a day or two’. The OP first posted at 6.30 in the evening from the park, and says she was back in time to make her family dinner, so I hardly think it’s comparable.

My mother would regularly threaten to leave us, she’d hide somewhere in the house which would leave the three of us desperately searching for her, frequently in tears and very distressed. Her mind games were deliberate and cruel, I think she relished seeing us upset. It was a wicked thing to do to really young children.
It completely wrecked my ability to trust adults, something that I have still many, many years later.

I remember, with slight shame, the night I lost it with my kids. I was a single mum of five, nobody to leave them with, very rural and nowhere to go. I'd fed them all dinner and nobody would take their plates to the kitchen. Not one of them. They all came up with reasons why 'they' shouldn't have to do it and it was 'someone else's turn' (we had an alleged rota which they never ever stuck to).

I picked up all the dirty plates and very calmly smashed the lot in the fireplace. Just dropped the whole stack.

There was a moment of shocked silence, then one of them piped up 'that's going to cost a bit to replace'. Then they all swanned off to do their own things, leaving me to clear up the mess. But, on the bright side, I didn't have to wash up that night...

They have all grown into lovely, kind, compassionate human beings who share the housework equally with the OHs and are pretty nice to me. Kids being little shitbags does not mean they are doomed to a lifetime of shitbaggery.

Good on you enjoy the peace it probably won’t last long once they realise 😂