To hate icebreakers

[virgocatlover]

I hate when someone at work decides it's a good idea to have 'icebreakers'.

'Tell us something no one knows about you'
'Tell us three unique things about yourself'
'Tell us about your perfect day'

Etc etc

I hate it. I'm a private person and don't want to engage in this. It may not be a big deal to some people but I find it bloody awful.

😆

Tell them the most outrageous lies, to a point where people will be afraid to speak to you again.

Could just as well be a signal that they're unlikely to be strongarmed into irrelevant or wasteful busywork for the sake of appearances, and are less susceptible to bullshit and groupthink.

Could just as well be a signal that they're unlikely to be strongarmed into irrelevant or wasteful busywork for the sake of appearances, and are less susceptible to bullshit and groupthink.

Totally agree with this. When I've endured these kinds of activities, the people who relished it and dived in with enthusiasm were usually bullshitters who talked the talk but were shit in the classroom.

In general, maybe, but in the context of a work situation where this is part of their role, unlikely. If the person thinks the task is beneath them or shouldn't be part of their job then the strong signal they're sending is that the role isn't for them.

Where what's part of their role? Sharing personal information about themselves, their family, their hobbies?
What kind of job is this where that would be a daily expectation?

The expectation is that the person will participate in the activity.

I’ve done a management light training course and I believe the purpose is to “make” everyone say something at the start of a meeting, because people are then more likely to speak up during the meeting. Which makes good sense to a manager or team leader who is actually keen on getting opinions and questions from the group and don’t want only the besserwissers, moaners or impulse control challenged to be talking.

Knowing that helped me look at the icebreakers more kindly anyway!

The expectation is that in their role the candidate will participate in any activity that's set, regardless of how intrusive, wasteful or pointless?

Blimey.

I'd rather recruit or promote people who have a bit of critical thinking, who have some boundaries, who have some backbone to pushback, who are able to spot bullshit exercise for what they are.

If the person thinks the activity set is pointless then chances are the company or the role isn't right for them. That's up to them to decide. But just refusing to participate generally doesn't send the message that they're in the right role.

Put it this way - if I'm in a job where I feel the people I work with are wilfully wasting my time, then I doubt I would consider that to be a good job, or one that I want to stay in. Equally if the message I send to my boss is that they're wasting my time, they probably won't think I'm a good fit either.

I really like this as you are giving people advance warning and a chance to think about their answer rather than blurt out something stupid that gets brought up at work parties for the next 5 years. As someone whose brain frequently produces utter turnips when put on the spot, this is something I'd appreciate!

Once I had to do an ice breaker (not actually work related) where the facilitator asked us our favourite food, my brain went "just the last thing you had" so I said "codeine" not trying to be clever, just genuinely a symptom of the way my brain works. I was mortified, but if someone had just pre warned me I could've given a very reasonable answer. Yes this might be symptomatic of my suitability for certain high pressured jobs, which is why I don't work in a field like that.....

One thing I will say is that responses to icebreakers can be revealing about the type of person/employee someone is. For good or for bad, it's very exposing. Refusal to participate can be a strong signal that someone isn't suitable for a particular job/promotion

You mean the person isn't enough of a people pleaser and won't put up with corporate guff. You may well be right about the signal.

I remember having to do a silly activity as part of a teambuilding activity and the people running the workshop got super-aggressive with me when I didn't want to do it. They were external people but the job/company weren't right for me.

So what would be an example of a good icebreaker, rather than a shit question? I’ve definitely seen lots of the latter

I went to a first aid course a couple of years ago where the question was what was your favourite food. That wasn't too terrifying :) and it rather oddly led to a discussion about whether people liked tea or coffee (or neither). Nothing too controversial or likely to create problems for peoples' promotion prospects (hopefully!).

It was also quick - there were about 8 of us in the room so it only took about 10 minutes max. Things like having to match photos etc takes ages!

(just seen that a pp didn't like the favourite food question - well that kind of shows that any icebreaker could be an issue - so don't do them!)

With respect, how is matching photos or telling the team what their favourite food is even remotely part of a job?

Unless you work for eg Associated British Foods and are asked which of their brands you like the best.

@Flyingcarpetintraining it depends what the topic of the event is, but I'll usually get people into small groups to start with (so the people who don't like talking to large groups don't panic) and ask them to share something about the subject at hand.

Ideally it'll be something that gets people starting to connect their own experience with the subject, so a super-simple one like why the topic of the workshop matters to them – and/or why it's not that important to them (so the breadth of experience in the room all gets airtime) – is an easy one. Or what part of the subject they find easy, and what part they find hard... I know these aren't exactly the juiciest examples, but it's very topic-dependent.

Then I'll get someone from each group to feed back the most interesting thing that came up in their group to everyone – which often gets them 'bigging up' someone else in their small group (and the 'someone else' is frequently the quietest one who wouldn't dream of speaking out loud to the whole group, but gets to feel proud that their opinion was the most interesting – and it usually is the quiet ones who have the best stuff to say!)

The point of icebreakers (to me at least) is to get everyone using their voices, warming up their brains to engage with the subject, and forming some kind of bond with others, especially if they're people that don't know one another well.

Otherwise you often end up with a room full of people who have forgotten it's meant to be an experience that's both for them and by them, and they're looking at you like you're the TV instead😁

NOTE TO TRAINERS: Everyone hates this so stop doing it!!!!!!!

But surely avoiding the TV thing just means having exercises that are related to the topic of the session in hand? You don't need to ask people irrelevant question or ask them to play with a ball to engage them.

Ice doesn’t need to be broken, just teaching the effing course!

@parkrun500club I'm guessing that was in response to my post? If so, I completely agree with you – as I thought I made clear in the other 80% of the post you're quoting, and my previous one on this thread 😉

TLDR is: I'm totally with you – an icebreaker does have a clear and important psychological role to play in working with groups – and many trainers and facilitators are lazy in the way they design them.

I work in software dev and a lot of my colleagues are very private, introverted people. They are not prepared to play along with exercises. What they excel at is doing their core job in a methodical and creative manner.

For many people on the autistic spectrum, these exercises would be excruciating and would totally put them off attending.

I don’t feel your view is accurate for all jobs or industries.

I don’t think these exercises are inclusive; they seem quite ableist.

I used to make them up too.

I am world champion at speed crochet.

My hobbies include foot massage.

I am the UK's leading expert on the Slovenian renaissance composer Jacobus Gallus.

I once appeared in Australian Vogue as a hand model!

I hate them too. Proper cringe. Who came up/invented this rubbish in the first place anyway? Is it American?
I hate management speak too…’blue sky thinking’ that sort of thing. Just reminds me of David Brent to be honest.

I had to introduce my t-shirt to the group once. About 37 years ago and it still makes me cringe.